Ella Henderson lost her "self-worth" when she was in a "very toxic" relationship.
Ella Henderson
The 25-year-old singer has reflected on the "heavy and dark time" in her life two years ago when an unhappy relationship left her experiencing panic attacks and having doubts about her career.
She said: “I was going through a lot with my personal life, I was in a very different relationship to what I’m in now. I would describe it as a very toxic one.
"But when you’re in it you don’t see that and you don’t know that, and as much as I can put a lot of blame on another person, there were so many ways within me where I didn’t have self-worth, didn’t have self-love and I think until you love yourself you can’t love somebody else.
“There were so many insecurities that I had to work on and it felt quite a heavy and dark time of my life, which also kind of manifested into me experiencing my very first panic attack.”
“I even made myself believe at one point that I wasn’t in love with music anymore. And that’s literally what I live and breathe for.”
The 'Ghost' hitmaker has now embraced a "different approach" to things and has a much more positive outlook.
Speaking on the 'Get Lit With Becky Rabin' podcast, she said: “Once you start loving yourself again, or you start loving yourself for the first time, it’s like this whole thing, it’s like you had tunnel vision before and then everything just starts to open up.
“Everything that’s going on in my life was already there. It’s just I’ve got this different approach to things.
“I definitely had the mindset of treating everything as if it was new again. Especially with my work.
“When things start to happen you just feel ten times more grateful for them!”
Ella shot to fame when she appeared on 'The X Factor' when she was just 16 and it's only now she's older that she's realised how being in the public eye from such a young age has affected her.
She said: “I don’t think I realised until more recently now, how much of an impact that maybe did have on me from that age because when you’re in it you don’t know, and you don’t see it.
"You just go on, and things become very normal to you, when actually when I take a step back, and when I’ve worked through it a lot with my therapist again, she’s pointed things out where I’ve either had a very grown-up approach to things from a young age, which isn’t normal for a 16 year old.
"At 16, it’s the time for making loads of mistakes whereas all of a sudden at 16, I was being a role model to younger girls.”
“I feel like I missed out on this life transition of going from a teenager into being a young woman.”
New episodes of 'Get Lit With Becki Rabin' are released weekly on Wednesdays, a Create Podcasts production.
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