Cindy Crawford struggled with survivor guilt during her childhood following the death of her brother.
Cindy Crawford has opened up about her childhood trauma following the death of her brother
The 58-year-old supermodel revealed her parents were desperate to have a son after previously welcoming three daughters and were thrilled when their little boy Jeffrey arrived, but the family was left heartbroken after the tot died aged just three following a battle with leukemia.
During an appearance on the 'Kelly Corrigan Wonders: About Your Mother' podcast, Cindy explained: "I am not sure they definitely wanted four kids, but they wanted a boy. My dad wanted a boy, so the fourth was the boy and I think that there was a lot of guilt."
Cindy went on to add that she and her two sisters all felt "guilty" over Jeffrey's death. She said: "There’s like that survivor guilt of the other kids and especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy. We felt like ‘Well it should’ve been one of us.
"It was so weird, like for years, my sisters and I would all have these same nightmares, that it should’ve been one of us."
Cindy also faced a strained relationship with her peers at school after the tragedy.
She said: "I remember when I went back to school after my brother died, not one person said one thing to me, no kidding, except for one kid who was like: ‘I saw in the paper your brother’s dead. Is that true?'
"I was like: ‘Whoa'. It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say. We were in third grade."
The catwalk star went on to reveal she worked through a lot of her issues in therapy during the COVID-19 lockdowns when she had time to deal with her emotional baggage.
She added: "Just recently, I was doing some coaching through COVID. I actually had time to do real work, and I realised that one of the questions the coach asked me was something like: ‘What did you need to hear at that time that you didn’t hear?’ and I realised.
"And my mom wouldn’t have known to say this, she was 26 years old and had just lost a child, but I needed to hear: ‘Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff has died, but we’re so happy you are here'."
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