Chrissy Teigen experienced a "flatline of life" when she was struggling with postpartum depression.
Chrissy Teigen covers Glamour
The Sports Illustrated model - who has children Luna, three, and Miles, 22 months, with husband John Legend - initially wasn't convinced she had the mood disorder after the birth of her first child because her feelings didn't match those she'd read about other women experiencing.
She said: "It happened three months after giving birth to Luna.
"It was a sad existence. There were no highs. It was a flatline of life for a few months. You hear these horrific stories of people not seeing their child as theirs, or wanting to hurt them, and I never felt that way. That's why I put off getting it checked as I hated myself, not my child.
"I don't know why I didn't realise, as it was so obvious to everyone else! John was there when the doctor gave the diagnosis and, of course, he already knew. I didn't know it could sneak up so late or that it could happen to someone like me, where I have all the resources. I had nannies and my mom living with us."
Chrissy recalled how the condition made her "very introverted" and she lost a lot of weight.
She said: "You say you have it and people think, 'Is she going to jump off a roof with her kid?' They don't know there are so many levels of it. I became very introverted; I had a paralysing anxiety of going out.
"And I lost my baby weight and more within a month. I posted a picture of myself making a Mother's Day lunch. I look back at that photo and it is the thinnest I've ever looked."
And Chrissy realised during the tough point in her life that she has a "very addictive personality.
She told Britain's Glamour magazine: "I was drinking so much. I think that's why I lost so much weight, because I was fuelling with wine and I am that kind of person who needs to have energy, I need to move, I need to have chaos."
But the 'Lip Sync Battle' star wasn't so worried about having a similar experience with Miles because she was prepared.
She said: "It made it so much easier just knowing we would spot it immediately if it did happen again.
"When you are in it, you don't realise what life is like outside the hole and so I wasn't worried [with Miles] because we solved it. There are so many things with Miles, like not coming to me first when other people are around, that would have affected me if Luna had done the same.
"I thought she didn't like me or want to be around me, but that was in my own head."
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