Beanie Feldstein opened up about her ongoing grief following the death of her brother.
Beanie Feldstein
Jordan Feldstein passed away from a pulmonary thromboembolism - a blood clot in the lungs - aged 40 last December and the 25-year-old actress has admitted that her "unbearable" pain is at times "unremitting" and will always remain in her "mind and heart".
In an essay for InStyle, she said: "Grief is just impossible, it cannot be contained or summarised or enclosed.
"To describe the wound grief leaves if you have not experiences it is to come to it hazy and out of focus. But then there are those of us that unfortunately see grief in sharp, unrelenting focus."
"The pain is so unbearable at times, so unremitting. Yet, in addition to the deluge of feelings leaking out of me at all times, I have found the process of grief (because it is and will always be a process, never finished, never concluded) to be just as resonant in my mind as it is in my heart."
The 'Lady Bird' star went on to insist that her brother was a "remarkably generous, intelligent, loving person" and said the Beverly Hills talent manager was a "brilliant talent and creative mind".
She continued: "He was a remarkably generous, intelligent, loving person. He was an incredible father, beloved by his boys... He was a deeply devoted son.
"He was a brilliant creative mind. And he was my biggest brother. He gave me so many things, including my name."
The 'Booksmart' actress went on to compare her loss to wearing a new pair of glasses, which colour every experience and every interaction that she has.
She said: "It's like all of a sudden, a pair of glasses were strapped to my face. And I can't take them off. Ever. And these glasses make me see the world differently than I did before.
"The colours bleed together more vividly. But they are somehow more than they ever were before. More visceral. More vibrant. More present. Simultaneously more awe-inspiring and more aching."
Jordan and Beanie's brother, Jonah Hill, admitted a few months ago he still finds it "painful" to speak about his older sibling's passing.
He said: "The only reason I don't want to talk about it, is because it's painful... Not out of disrespect. But I miss him and I love him and I wish he was here."
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