The Bluffer’s Guide to Etiquette is the handbook for the socially less fortunate. If you want to rub cashmered shoulders with the upper sets then the book will help you learn what things you may have been doing wrong all these years. For example – if you’ve been calling that sugary course that comes at the end of a meal ‘dessert’ then the book will tell you why that’s very wrong and also very common. (It’s ‘pudding’ - dessert is the fruit course, not the sweet one!)
Why do people feel that they have to bluff their way through certain areas of their life?
We are expected to know an awful lot these days – all the Bluffer’s guides give excellent advice on how to pass off as an expert in whatever field you need to, whilst dispensing the nuggets with excellent humour. There isn’t much excuse, however, for people not being polite and having a good working knowledge of etiquette and so really my book is a must-have for those who have gaps in their knowledge – they need filling, pronto.
Why is etiquette so important to you?
Knowing the rules and learning when (and when not!) to use them really can open doors that the best education cannot. Etiquette can be divisive, but ironically that is not good manners. We live in a time-poor society and good manners are self-less, not self-ish. We have also lost self-respect. No longer is it encouraged to do things ‘properly’ - a lot of people settle for second, or even third, best. I have always strived to do things the correct way and hope the book will make people see that etiquette is not all starchy starchy.
Why is it something that has gradually faded from the norm in society?
I think the liberal 1960s have a lot to blame. Deference was killed off and authority was abandoned – in a few cases, this was good, but alas the baby was thrown out with the bathwater. We now have parents who don’t know the rules as they never listened to their parents and so they can’t actually bring their children up with good manners. These are the people who will tell you that etiquette doesn’t matter. It does, they are just saying that to cover up their lack of understanding.
What do you think is the most important lesson in etiquette anyone can learn?
In my classes, in the street, or on Twitter people are most often asking me about dining etiquette. There’s something about cutlery in neat lines and sparkling glasses that worries people more than any area of life. The best tip, should you go to someone’s house and be confronted with something you don’t know how to eat, is – watch your hosts! Just copy what they are doing. They may not be getting it exactly right, but if they are doing it, they will think it correct. You should then return home and read my book or consult the internet to see who was right!
Why did you choose the specific sections you did to explore?
The book covers the ‘old fashioned’ parts of etiquette, but also newer problem areas, such as online etiquette. A bit like when the telephone was invented, no one knew what to do. We have similar problems now with mobiles, Twitter and Facebook. There is also a chapter on the English season – the key summer social events that all the best people are seen at, as I felt aspiring social climbers would need to know where they should ‘hang out’. It’s Glyndebourne, not Glastonbury, this summer for anyone of quality.
What have your learned from writing the book?
That it’s actually a bit of a challenge and not as easy as Katie Price makes it look.
What is next for you?
There is talk of a second book, on entertaining, for later this year. But before then I am off to China and Dubai to continue spreading the word of good manners and social niceties to an international audience – whether they want to hear me or not. There’s not a power on earth that will stop me.
The Bluffer's Guide to Etiquette is available for Kindle and iPad at Amazon.co.uk and the iBookstore (RRP £4.99); the print edition is available at www.bluffers.com and all good book and gift shops (RRP £6.99).