As I wrote this book with self-reflection I learned things about myself.
The Boy Who Disappeared
I never expected to write a book and have it published. I feel a little humbled by this experience. I remember my mother’s words “nothing ventured, nothing gained” and those words resonate strongly with me now as I look back at this ongoing ever evolving journey.
I see my self-growth. Writing down my thoughts and venting onto paper was a coping skill of mine, during the direst of times when I felt most alone. It was a cathartic experience at the time. I don’t know how we survived but we have, after a fashion. As I re-visited each part of the story if felt almost as an observer watching how I have coped and evolved.
I have friends that I never met. People cared about me and my family and Damien especially. I found angels along the way who supported me and were the wind beneath my wings.
I knew I had something to share. I felt strongly the injustices we experienced can help others. The book came from experiences that no mother should have to face. My best hope is for anyone who reads our story, who may be struggling with life issues, can see its possible weather a storm and come out the other side; slightly broken and put back together a little differently, but still standing. Not giving in.
The loss of Damien, in such a grievous way has given me an inner strength I could never have imagined. He made me stronger. I was a shy and retiring person before this loss. I did not seek the limelight and liked others to take the helm. Now I am the one taking the helm on subjects surrounding the missing issue.
Not to be afraid to speak up if I want change to happen. I have seen and heard other people with similar issues along the way and feel collectively we can make change. I now aspire to causes and will now reach outside of myself to try to achieve goals.
I have become more diplomatic as time has worn on, less quick to judge others or to take the written word too literally because it has no tone.
Listen to my gut feelings and go with them and trust my own instinct. Not be deterred when someone pats me on the head and humors my aspirations. Not be told I cannot do something, because I see that I can!
Hearing praise is difficult still for me. I always have suffered with anxiety and have never quite mastered that feeling that I don’t measure up. So putting myself out there in this way was a huge step in the process of trusting in myself.
I do try to think outside my own box. I have no expectations in life. I take things as they evolve and if it fits, I will take it onboard and hope something comes from it. However, I don’t allow myself to put too much store in anything as life has knocked me back a few times. So still struggling with feeing comfortable in my own skin at times. Work in progress
The Boy Who Disappeared by Valerie Nettles is published by John Blake in paperback, £8.99