Thank you Female First for inviting me to reveal a little about myself. I'm so used to making up stories, being this transparent feels slightly odd.
Carla Kovach
I'm half Romanian.
My mother was Romanian and my dad is a brummie. He was originally from Digbeth in the heart of Birmingham. She was from Bucharest and met my father while he was travelling through Europe by rail, back in the seventies. They married and she came to live with him in Birmingham. Her maiden name was Covaci, pronounced Kovach. I decided to use the pronounceable version as my pen name.
I'm making a horror film.
Of course it's vampiric with me being half Romanian. 'Penny for the Guy' began as a short film but was originally written as a one act stage-play. After we made the short, it was spotted online by a producer from Seattle. He enabled us to turn our little short into a full blown feature film. Two years on, nearly all the scenes are in the bag and Gil of Cinelaya has become a very dear friend. We're jointly working on a horror series called Manggal, which we're hoping to pitch this summer.
I've done a bit of acting.
From corporate videos to stage; music videos to independent film - I've acted in a few things, including my own film. My favourite role ever was playing Jane in Ray Cooney's, 'Out of Order,' at the Crescent Theatre in Birmingham. Where else could I get away with shouting 'Mr Willy' on stage, while only wearing my underwear? I've also played Luciana in 'A Comedy of Errors' and Mimi in 'Allo Allo.'
I've been escorted out of the Kingfisher Shopping Centre in Redditch.
This was many years ago. Please don't think I go around making trouble and getting thrown out of places. And don't judge me harshly. I was fourteen and a very keen animal rights protester. On an animal rights awareness day, I dressed up as a giant bunny, protesting against animal testing in the cosmetics industry. I thought it would be a good idea to hand out flyers in the Kingfisher Shopping Centre. Unfortunately, security disagreed and escorted my fourteen year old butt out of the building. They were very nice to me though. Apologies Kingfisher - haha.
I'm petrified of big theme park rides.
We had the holiday of a lifetime to Florida the year before last and bought tickets to all the parks. The only problem was, I'm petrified of huge rides and boy were some of them huge. My husband reluctantly came on some of the child friendly rides with me. There's something about the unknown and being plunged into terrifying darkness. I'm a wreck if I become disorientated. After nearly bawling my eyes out on a children's haunted house ride at Alton Towers, I declare myself a fair ride wimp.
I suffer with phobias.
Unfortunately, if you're dying and you happen to vomit in front of me, you're on your own. Not much help, I know. I will call you an ambulance - from the other end of the street, while I'm tending to my panic attack. I hate vomit and vomiting. I'm scared to death of it - and I'd rather sever my arm off than have to deal with a sick person. Norovirus - don't get me started. We could be here a long time.
The other thing I'm petrified of is maggots, those horrible legless wriggly monsters that congregate en-masse. I cringe at taking bin bags out in the summer just in case I spot them. Maggots are evil. And ... I'm on a roll. What's worse than maggots? Moths. I mean their maggoty offspring get entangled in your clothes and chomp away. I might accidentally be wearing moth caterpillars. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Please don't leave a maggot outside my door if you intend to stalk me. I'd prefer a horses head any day. I can deal with a horses head... make it fresh though ... no maggots.
I love a bargain
I should add that I love a bargain even more now that I'm a writer. After turning my back on a career in accountancy to focus all my energy on writing, I'm using all my money savvy skills at once. I love charity shops and top-up coffee deals. I'm such a smug bottom feeder, buying up all the reduced price fruit and veggies in the supermarkets. I also hate waste, so buying up cheap veg that is on the turn, is my sport. I then come home with whatever I've gathered and play 'Ready Steady Cook.' I mean, you can make loads with a bag of apples, an on the turn aubergine, sprouting carrots and a bruised banana. I say, chuck the savouries in a pan with the right spices and you have soup,curry or chilli. Add a crumble topping to any fruit and presto, there's dessert. Freeze in portions. Ooh, bargains or reductions make me so happy. Feel free to call me sad, or alternatively, feel free to call me for my collection of budget recipes.
I hate exercise.
I don't like running, pilates, cycling, sport (watching or playing) or yoga. Exercise and fun don't go together for me. I like going for a walk but that's about it. I'm just not built for the great outdoors, or the great indoors - if the sign on the door says 'gym.'
Sport. I know opinion will be very divided on this issue and people are passionate when it comes to their teams. Controversial statement coming up! When it comes to big sporting events such as the World Cup or Wimbledon, I don't care if we win or lose. I'm not remotely interested. In fact, if we're out of the competition sooner, the television goes back to its normal schedules. What is it with Wimbledon? It goes on and on! Don't shout at me too loudly. Please - no hate mail.
I'm unbelievably clumsy
Over the past few months I've stabbed myself in the finger, broken my toe, fell down a flight of six steps and I bump myself daily. I'm always sporting a bruise somewhere on my body. It's not just myself I damage, plates and glasses don't have a hope in hell's chance of remaining intact. If it's difficult to break things, they'll get broken. If it's easy, they're beyond doomed.
I'm hypothyroid and I don't enjoy small talk.
If I'm yawning and rubbing my eyes while we speak, it doesn't mean I'm bored with the conversation - or does it? You'll never know. If what we're doing is making small talk, I'm probably bored. There are only so many chats in a day that can be had about the weather. If we're philosophising about the state of the world, I'm still with you.
The reason I'm always tired is because I'm hypothyroid. If someone shouted fire and my eyebrows were alight, I'd probably be the last person to amble out of the building.
My hypothyroid brain is also foggy, which means my brain may have the perfect sentence mapped out, but my mouth may betray me in how that sentence comes out. My body also likes to cling onto weight, so one food blowout and I'll be paying for a few weeks. Being hypothyroid sucks but I do try to laugh at it sometimes. Just forgive me if I doze off ... Zzzz.
