Loneliness is known to be associated with physical and mental illnesses, including high blood pressure, poor sleep, dementia, depression, suicidal ideation and even premature death.
A study of the impact of loneliness on death rates estimated its effect to be double that of obesity and quadruple that of air pollution, making it a key emerging public health issue. In the UK, a third of people are affected by loneliness, with 1 in 12 severely affected.
Loneliness is not the same as solitude or choosing to spend time in our own company. Some people who are natural introverts may enjoy spending time by themselves and would not describe themselves as lonely, so loneliness is more about the disconnect between desired quantity and quality of social interaction and what is actually achieved.
Although most research has been done in children and the elderly, it can occur at any age and can happen to any of us. Indeed, many of us will have experienced loneliness in the last 2 years having been prevented from socialising by the covid pandemic.
Tips for preventing loneliness:
Recognise that loneliness is an issue
The first step to preventing loneliness is to understand what you are feeling. Loneliness can cause a feeling of stress and dissatisfaction, low-self-esteem and depression as well as any number of physical symptoms – high blood pressure, poor eating habits, poor sleep. If loneliness is not identified as the problem, then you might embark on treatment for physical or mental health problems, when what you really need to do is tackle loneliness and increase social interaction.
Reconnect with family and old friends
If you are feeling lonely, then the easiest people to reach out to are people that you have previously had a connection with. These are people who you know that you have a positive connection with but for some reason you have lost touch. You might feel guilty at reaching out to someone you have not contacted in a long time, but remember that when a relationship has petered out, it is often the fault of both parties (often not because of lack of friendly feeling but because life got in the way), and your old friends may be feeling guilty too. Often these relationships are easier to rekindle than you think.
Establish new connections
The thought of ‘making new friends’ in adult life can be frightening, but it is always easier if there is a shared interest and fixed time together. Seek to create regular time with people with a shared interest by joining a regular hobby group. This may be an art class, an evening language class, a running group, or a book club. By putting yourself in a situation where you meet the same people every week with a similar interest to you, you put yourself in the optimal situation to make new connections and friendships.
Establish new virtual connections
If the thought of regular physical interaction with others is too much, or there are no local groups for your interests, then look to the worldwide web for inspiration. With the internet and virtual meetings now possible, finding people to connect with need not be something limited to your own town, city or country. There are all sorts of groups available on-line for any interest and it has never been easier to connect with like-minded people. Do of course always ensure that the people that you are connecting with on-line are genuine as there are unfortunately a minority of people and groups who prey on vulnerable and lonely people for all sorts of negative reasons, and it is important to be appropriately careful and cautious.
MORE: 7 ways to help peeople who may be suffering with loneliness
Open your mindset
It is always easier to make new connections if we are open to new people and do not limit our minds to people who are ‘exactly our type’ from the outset. It is often the case that if we give people a chance and allow them in, that we find that the most unexpected people are ‘our type’ and we have plenty in common. Often it is our own fear of being judged or our judgement of others that holds us back from making new friends, and if we want to make new friends, dropping judgement is often a good way to start.
Have a positive approach and keep going
Most connections of any kind have a positive. Not everyone we meet will become a good friend, but most personal interactions can have a positive side. Getting to know our neighbours for instance in the pandemic may now have acquired us someone to babysit/ hold on to our Amazon packages/ lend us a cup of sugar. Certainly, across the country some strong friendships and romances may have also been in the mix – so you never know – putting yourself out there is the first step.
Dr Holan Liang new book ‘A Sense of Belonging’, is available to buy via amazon and Short Books paperback £12.99.