I expected having children was going to be awful. I’d absorbed the idea that kids are little pockets of chaos who wreck your body, destroy your sleep and empty your bank account. It wasn’t until my son was born that I realised that, in their haste to prepare you for the worst, people forget to say how wonderful kids really are. Yes, they ruin your sleep. My abs are a memory. Don’t even talk about my bank account. But I’d never trade my kid-life for the old one, even at the worst 3am-covered-in-vomit-moments.
Mummy Needs a Break
I work from home as a business journalist. Trying to hold down a serious job and wrangling two kids goes about as well as you might expect. Once, I managed to get through a rescheduled-at-the-last-minute interview lying on my son's bed, breastfeeding his sister, scribbling shorthand with one hand and deflecting pillows being thrown at my head. Another time, my son informed me – loudly – that he’d done a poo on the lawn. Then at even greater volume that the dog was eating it. The man I was interviewing didn’t miss a beat.
I failed maths at school but now spend all day writing about finance. I kind of wish I’d paid more attention to the percentages bit now. Fortunately, I married an accountant, though, in what I like to think was a masterful act of delegation.
Despite the title of my book, I’m terrible at taking breaks. When my son was born, I got into the habit of doing stuff for me only once everything else was sorted. You know, after the million loads of washing and the work and the feeding and the changing…. It took me a couple of years to realise that I had to schedule time out (as unrelaxing as that sounds!). After all, the washing can wait – until you discover your son trying to put a shirt on his legs because there are no trackpants left in his drawer. Not that that happened to me *ahem*.
I often write about big romantic gestures, but my husband and I decided that instead of having a traditional wedding we’d spend about half as much and get married, just the two of us, in Hawaii with a fab dinner at Nobu afterwards. It’s still the priciest meal I’ve ever had but it was amazing. Pity I put his wreath on the wrong way so it looks weird in all the photos.
I always like the idea of a bath better than the reality. Candles, bubbles, wine – all sounds amazing and relaxing (see point four). But then I’m in there for five minutes and get hot and bored.
I did a degree in medieval history. Not that useful for a New Zealand journalist. My parents did say “it’s not what you’re learning but learning how to learn”. Or something.
I’m a huge Marian Keyes fan. I can still remember which one I was reading at various major points in my life (when I was 21, my boyfriend dumped me mid-way through the Other Side of the Story just fyi). Now I’ve got them all on my phone so I can read in the dark when the kids are hard to settle. When someone told me that Mummy Needs A Break was a bit “if Marian went to a coffee group” I said “too kind, no way etc etc” but secretly “OMG best compliment ever”.
I love getting my nails done. The longer and brighter the better. But then they get too long and I can’t type. I had to have my latest lot filed back when I accidentally wrote about a politician’s “magic wang” rather than wand. Oops.
I’m not a morning person and sometimes think my brain doesn’t even switch on until 4pm. But I’ve always worked early shifts, once starting at 4.30am. And my kids don’t really respond to: “But darling, I’m more of a night owl…”