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Surrounded by forgotten memory
Taking a ramble through time
Familiar beloved faces live anew
Flitting through my seeking mind.
With me they speak, they chime
Lovers, friends, places I once knew
A life well lived, but so many merry
Possible endings that did not be.
Sadness at missing out as they moved on
Wondering who they have become
Laughter recalled, but now long gone
Swells within and then leaves me numb.
Close friends I miss because they left
This realm choosing heaven or hell
Leaving me alone, feeling bereft
Too soon I think, but is it up to me to tell?
What should have been and rewrite
Their lives. If I had said one word
Would they have stayed on to fight
Or is that thought just too absurd?
Was their fate written at their birth,
A short stay, to make special impact
To amaze us with their joy and mirth
Were the cards against them stacked?
Should I seek out those who I’ve have lost
Who still live and see what they were dealt
Or let it lie, fearing what it will cost?
Was I easily forgotten, if nothing they felt
Or recall of me. Should I break into their
Happiness with my maudlin thought?
Perhaps my intrusion will leave them bare
Of illusion, or perhaps they have sought
Me, while I have called their names.
Why today have they returned?
To haunt me with their games,
To tease with what if? As I have burned
With longing to see them again.
Should I forget and love them no more?
Repack my past to help keep me sane?
Neatly catalogued, hidden deep in store.
Never to care about those days of yore?
“No” I yell. I will always recall
Those I loved, even those I hate
I promise that I will not fall
Into that slough, or miss to relate
What they used to mean to me
Better by far, to with nostalgia dream
Than to run away, escape and flee
Pretending that things were not as they seem.
They are what made me who I am
Without my past I don’t exist
It does not matter one single damn
If they forgot or have not missed
Me, because I still remain here
They are part of the essence of me
So I promise no longer to fear
The past, present or the future, for it will be!