Tea with the Queen
It can feel (absolutely impossible) really hard
Because it is. Working full time pre-children, there were days when I thought: ‘Wow, I have SO much to do, this is exhausting!’ and even ‘Oh my god, this is too much, this is off the scale!’ Then, you know, I had my children and started working again, and I realised that the previous scale hadn’t even been a thing. The actual scale arrives expedited from the land of no sleep, you sign for it with your eyes closed, and then life goes off the scale. You’ll never tell pregnant friends who are planning their nine months maternity leave though, because they want to hear this information precisely as much as they want to hear what childbirth is really like.
It can also feel intensely fulfilling
So many days the to do list doesn’t even get written, let alone completed. But on days when I hit a word count or a deadline, and I achieve the top three ‘MUST BE DONE TODAYS’, like collect the prescriptions, sign the permission slip, and feed both children, those are stellar moments which knock the socks off the sense of fulfilment I ever got from acing a presentation or whatever.
Being a mum makes you more efficient (sort of)
All the jobs I had before having children were carried out using my own special blend of organised chaos – and I was always fine with that. Now, however… no, actually, to be honest, work and life is still organised chaos. But there is a LOT more chaos, and therefore also a LOT more organisation. I think this might be down to actual science: more stuff to do creates more stress, more stress creates adrenaline, and adrenaline makes you mentally sharper. Bringing me to…
Stress often leads to positive change
When it comes to working mums, so much is discussed around being knackered, not keeping on top of everything, forgetting stuff and so on – but these are the things which often cause women to re-evaluate, and I know so many who’ve made decisions, since becoming mothers, that have changed their working lives massively for the better. For me, becoming a mum was what led me into writing books for children. For others, becoming a mother inspired them to start their own business or re-train in an entirely new field. It’s not always a time thing either – sometimes it’s because having a child makes us realise life is precious, and we should be being our very best and happy selves.
Your worlds will collide
You work while you’re parenting, and you parent while you work – there seems to be no way round it when your brain is so chock full of both. Yet those two worlds needn’t always be at odds with one another – in fact, they can nourish each other. It’s healthy to take a moment and think about what being a parent has armed you with which you can (and probably do all the time, without thinking about it) make use of at work. Mentally spinning plates comes to mind. And… negotiation skills? Managing expectations? Balancing the books? Meanwhile, the the child-freeness of work is a refuge which lets you take a ‘rest’ from all consuming parenting duties and worries, and I think you return home from it stronger and re-energised. My worlds collided completely in a way, but even though many of my books are inspired by the actual events, mishaps and misdemeanours in our home lives, the writing is still mine, and mine alone.
Guilt is inevitable
Commonly discussed among working mums is the gnawing feeling that, while we’re managing, we’re sort of doing everything below par. The work could be better, because the parenting is so consuming; the parenting could be better, because work eats into the 100% focus we feel we should be giving our children (and the numbers, of course, simply don’t add up). It’s annoying the guilt, and it can be draining, but I don’t buy into the idea that the guilt is pointless. I try to think of it as my brain’s natural way of constantly checking and re-setting priorities, like a compass ensuring it’s always pointing north.
Time is weird
Wow, time goes fast when you’re fitting so much in. Time, and your relationship with it, can get weird though. I will the working day to slow down, so I can get more words on a page before it’s school pick up. Yet at the same time, the week seems sooo arduously long when I’m craving the weekend and lazy mornings with my girls. So then, why didn’t I notice that entire school term pass? And how can both girls need bigger shoes again? If only there was a pause button. And a fast forward, and a rewind.
It’s really true, you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff
Dust for example. Dust is really, really small. Dust is about as small as you can get, right? So I don’t worry about it (unless someone’s coming to stay and they have allergies). To me, not dusting might mean writing four stanzas, or it might mean helping with a Year 5 maths problem (obviously I mean Googling it, and then helping).
Work trips are almost entirely GREAT
It’s hard to bear the sad little faces when I’m packing a case for a couple of days away – especially when my kids know I’m probably leaving them at home to go and spend time with hundreds of other kids! But wow, leaving the routine behind (and the laundry and the dishes and the cooking), I am SO okay with that. It’s the staying in a hotel and not having to make breakfast (or even get up and eat it, if I choose). It’s having a wee without being interrupted because “there AREN’T any pants in the drawer!” Working away definitely has its upsides. Downside? The downtime, when I miss my own babies. They like to make their presence know though, even from afar. A little Lego lady and her truck, ‘helpfully’ packed among my tops and toiletries, was what sparked the idea for Mummy’s Suitcase.
Something will give (you just have to go with it)
Hmm… 365% more stuff to do daily, plus 425% more stuff to remember weekly, plus 0% sleep last night because there is 200% more norovirus in the house than is ideal. There are inevitably times when something gives. On how many occasions have I walked into the room and not known why? So many. Do I sometimes talk to the fridge? Yes. There was that time I couldn’t recall the word ‘bench’ and I had to say ‘park sitty thing’ instead. Once I went into town wearing two entirely different coloured boots. I think you just have to say to yourself: ‘It’s okay, I’m a working mum, therefore a pretty remarkable human being, and I got this. I can STYLE THIS OUT.’