Nicola Mostyn writes a piece for Female First upon the release of her novel, The Love Delusion, out with Piatkus now.
The Love Delusion
My first job was as a bookseller at Blackwell’s Manchester and I made some of my best friends there. It was such a creative crowd – we had jazz guitarists, journalists, opera singers, painters, poets, aspiring novelists. Most, like me, were also from working class backgrounds because at that point if you were a middle class humanities graduate you’d be straight off to work for the BBC rather than spend your days locating, “that book, you know, the blue one,” several times an hour for minimum wage. God, I loved those days. We had so much fun. Booksellers really are the best people.
I’m a big believer in the writer’s cardigan. Sure you can take courses and read books on technique but for focus, motivation, discipline and snugliness, nothing does the job like a comfy cardie. There are rules though. It has to be deeply unfashionable because you must never be tempted wear it outside the house – if you do, it turns back into a normal cardigan and loses its magic. Bonus points if it’s hand knitted or has ridiculous buttons. Got pockets? The Times Bestseller List surely beckons. How does one find a writer’s cardigan, you may ask? Ah, gentle soul, you don’t find your cardie, your cardie finds you. But when it does, it will serve as your familiar, your cheerleader, your magic wand, your consoler, your dæmon and, in a tight spot, your handkerchief.
The idea for The Gods of Love and The Love Delusion came years ago when a long term relationship ended in heartbreak. I was turning thirty, looking around me and realizing love was absolutely not what I’d thought. Many people in this position would just hit the salon/gym/sambuca but I decided I needed to share my harrowing discovery with the world. Seriously, I felt like Charlton Heston in Soylent Green running around screaming, “It’s PEOPLE!”, except that I was running around screaming, “ARGHH! LOVE! IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!”. Anyway, the upshot is I created a new myth inspired by the Greek gods which suggest that an ancient deity has been screwing with our romantic relationships for millennia. Which at least explains our terrible exes.
I used my wedding fund to write my first novel. After the aforementioned break-up I spent most of my thirties in yet more doomed relationships and since, anyway, the ‘Big Day’ I’d always dreamed of took place in a bookshop rather than a church (thought it did involve speeches and a kick-ass dress) I asked my parents if I could invest the money they’d saved for my hypothetical wedding into writing my novel. Bless them, they agreed, which is how I managed to carve out enough time to write my debut The Gods of Love. Many people who got married at thirty are now divorced but my novels and I will be together forever. Although they never put the loo seat down.
I’ve been vegetarian for 30 years. I know everyone’s veggie these days but honestly, you don’t know you’re born. Back then the vegetarian option was just the meat option with the ham picked out.
I’ve always been fascinated by psychology and self-help, so I teamed up with a Creativity Coach to write a book for aspiring writers. It’s called Seven Creative Gremlins and it talks you through all the reasons you might be finding NOT to write. Because it’s probably these hidden doubts and fears and not a lack of technique or knowledge that’s stopping most people from having a go.
I’ve always looked young for my age. I’m 43 and don’t have kids so I’ve had about 12 years more sleep than my peers. Sure, it’s a nice problem to have, but it does result in some awkward moments. Whenever people find out my age, there’s always a look of aghast disbelief, followed by a cry of, “No Waaaaay!”; the inevitable elbowing of a friend, accompanied by petitions of: “Guess how old she is! Go on! You’ll never guess!”, making me feel less youthful sophisticate and more one of those prehistoric women found preserved in the ice. Not to worry, I’m turning 44 soon and, judging by the incoming grey hairs and crow’s feet, it looks like someone finally set fire to that portrait in the attic…
I used to be nicer. I come from a family of pleasers, so I guess I learned it there. Plus, I’m a writer, ergo sensitive and overly empathetic, and I’m a Libran, so I love harmony to the point where I’ll twist myself into a pretzel to achieve it. For years in relationships I was anticipating needs, trying to make things ‘perfect’, all the while smoothing down the jagged edges of my personality until I was the girlfriend equivalent of a pet rock. After my relationship epiphany (“IT’S PEOPLE!”) I realized that I was actually using niceness as a form of control and that my fixing up of other people’s lives had just been one huge procrastination from taking a long hard look at my own. I’m not nearly as amenable these days, but I am a gazillion times happier.
Online dating can be a minefield but I met my partner online and I am so grateful for that. My advice would be that if your self-esteem is shaky, don’t go there – really you’re just bulk-buying narcissists. Instead, get therapy, get happy, invest in yourself. Other people treat us how we treat ourselves. Once our standards and our boundaries are high, only the well-adjusted and worthy can get through. Better no relationship than a bad relationship. Maybe get that tattooed somewhere, just to be sure.
I was nominated for a Writers’ Guild Award for my debut, The Gods of Love and – here’s an example of imposter-syndrome in action – I was secretly convinced it was a mistake but - here’s an example of author-bloody-mindedness-in-action – I decided I’d just keep quiet and accept the nomination anyway. Turns out it wasn’t a mistake and all the reasons I’d doubted they’d chosen me (that my debut is an unusual cross-genre fantasy rom-com female-hero story) were the reasons Gods had been nominated. “Audacious” was the word the judges used. I keep my gold badge on display now to remind myself that audacity is always something to strive for.
BIOGRAPHY
Nicola is the author of The Gods of Love and The Love Delusion, two fun, female fronted fantasy novels which she describes as "Sex and the City meets Clash of the Titans". Her inspirations are Stephen King, Margaret Atwood, Tina Fey and Joss Whedon and as such she's a big fan of the funny - both ha ha and peculiar. She is represented by Susan Armstrong at C+W. Nicola lives in Manchester with her partner and is currently working on her third novel. For more about Nicola visit www.nicolamostyn.com where you can sign up to her newsletter and browse articles about heartbreak, phallus museums and the inevitable ape versus robot apocalypse.