The same safety advice you give to your children when they first use go online still very much applies when going online yourself. You never know who you are speaking to and you must remain vigilant about your security at all times. Especially when meeting your date for the very first time, you should tell someone where and when you are meeting and preferably select a public place.
It's Complicated
Dating online is extremely time-consuming. Not just the original set up, which, depending on the dating site can be an in-depth questionnaire of all aspects of your personality, but thereafter, when reading profiles, emailing back and forth your potential dates trying to know more about them before deciding whether to meet them or not. Many hours will be spent in front of the computer or attached to your phone. Take each stage one step at a time to ensure that you keep up with your existing relationships with friends and family.
Read the profiles with a pinch of salt. They may be enhanced. From an inaccurate number of children to the forty-cigarettes-a-day-smoker who claimed claims he was “trying to quit”. Some profile pictures may not have been updated in a while. A profile picture of him crossing the marathon finish line, may have been from fifteen years ago. An achievement definitely, but perhaps not an accurate reflection of current interests (particularly if that was the last time he ran!) Having said that, sometimes you get the chance to meet or speak to someone really interesting you would never have spoken to if you hadn’t been online.
Not everyone you meet wants a relationship, despite what they may say on their profiles. A good proportion of those online are already in a relationship, some still married and living with their wives – the mother to their children. One time, it was very close to home as I realised that the guy who had been pursuing me online was actually already dating one of my friends. This may be something that others wanted, but it was not what I was looking for.
Online dating is an emotional rollercoaster. Each journey has its hopes, anticipation and excitement and sometimes leaves you disappointed and disillusioned. You’ve communicated for a while with someone the site algorithm has paired you with, and, hoping that it could lead to a little more than a few emails, you decide to meet, ponder about what to wear, where to go, what to discuss and when you arrive there you meet Mr ‘Socks and Sandals’ who reveals that he only wants a girlfriend outside the football season as football is his life. But, remember that love isn’t a science…
Stick to your guns and don’t drop your standards. Generally, if someone’s profile and online chats are just so, the actual meeting is unlikely to light a spark. Listen to your gut and don’t be afraid to respectfully move on.
It’s definitely not you. It is very easy to feel miserable following an unsuccessful date and to start having self-doubts. Compatibility, timing, personal expectations, mutual attraction all play a part in the success of your new relationships. So many factors come into play to make a successful relationship, if they are not the one, move on and remember your time will come. If it takes two to tango it also takes two to date online.
‘It’s Complicated’ is available to buy from Amazon, Book Guild and all good bookshops!