I have experienced intense emotion with religion growing up, having been christened in the Church of England at the age of 6 weeks by parents who were both Roman Catholics, but non-practising. They felt Catholicism had been forced upon them with daily confession and too many "hail Marys."
Louise Thomas
Church of England schools in the early 1970s consisted of daily assemblies where we recited The Lord's Prayer. I attended the Sunday School, and loved it, believing in this one God, a wise old man with a long beard, as depicted by a painting on the wall, sitting in a grand wooden rocking chair, ruling and watching us all.
I countered that if you were well behaved, worked hard at school, then God would watch over you and your family and all would be well. My prayers were said every night and I always included and still do, a plea for God to take care especially of all the little children in the world who are suffering.
At the age of 21, I married in a Catholic Church on the request of my future father-in-law as, although non-practising, they were Catholics.
Churches fascinate me and I have visited many all over the world loving them all but particularly in, Jerusalem, Bethlehem and Rome. I imagine all of the thousands of people to have been there before. I feel closer to the spirit of life and the unknown in a church. My favourite service is Holy Communion and the words "to judge both the quick and the dead" resound for me.
We could not agree on having our first three children christened as Catholics or Church of England and this resulted in my son Henry, being christened on his death bed from the result of an accident at the age of two, by the Church of England hospital chaplain. I did not blame God for his death. I blamed myself.
I immediately arranged a christening for my two eldest children shortly after his death believing that as Henry was now in the Church of England, so Hannah and Jack should be too. Little grasps at faith.
My quest upon Henry's death was to question my religious beliefs and study more. I was surprised to discover that reincarnation, despite current day teachings, has featured heavily throughout the centuries in Christianity. I desired to feel as the Buddhists do, that it is a forgone conclusion that when we die, we shall return in some other body to live until all our lessons are learned.
Every religious book on reincarnation I devoured going back as far as the Egyptian Book of The Dead written 8000 years ago. By contrast, at this time I attended a year's course in Birmingham Cathedral, a Diocesan Course for Developing Disciples, with a view to continuing studies to be a Church of England Reader.
People think that as I look fine and wear a smile on my face that I am coping well with the loss of my son. I am not, but religion has helped me to get to where I am. This is why it has enriched me. I hope it does for you too.
Louise Thomas is the author of Playing by the rules does not work which takes readers on an excruciatingly painful journey through her personal memoirs.