Wow what a year. Global pandemic aside this year has had many ups and downs for me personally. In January I went back to work after maternity leave and was pleased to be returning to normal life and regaining a bit of old myself. But that was short lived thanks to COVID and throughout those early lockdown days (in between working from home and looking after an ever increasingly mobile and daring toddler) I found the time to finish something that I started while on mat leave. This year I ticked something off my bucket list that I never believed I would actually achieve. I wrote a book!
It Will Happen
‘It Will Happen’ is a candid memoir about my rollercoaster journey to motherhood. I write openly and honestly about how I navigated the harsh realities of recurrent miscarriage and pregnancy loss. Our son Bertie was our 8th pregnancy but our first take home baby. Over the 7 years we spent waiting for him we experienced 7 losses. It was bloody tough and there were times when it almost broke us. I withdrew from everyone around me and didn’t recognise the person I had become. With each loss we experienced I stepped further back and became more isolated than ever as I felt my dream of being a mother was slipping further and further out of my grasp. I had countless tests and procedures, tried a variety of different combinations of medications, saw different specialists and I battled to get answers but we got there in the end. Unfortunately I have gone on to experience another 2 losses this summer so I think we may be in for another tough journey to give Bertie a sibling.
It was a bit scary opening up about our experiences in the book but writing was like a therapy for me and I was optimistic that it would help others. The reviews of my book so far have been wonderful. I hope it can provide the reader with the tools and information to feel empowered and supported when navigating their own journey. I have written the book that I think would have helped me during my darkest days and I would love it to be able to offer people with the companionship and hope that I was missing. It seems absolutely mad that people going through this feel so isolated when a whopping 25% of pregnancies end in loss. We are not alone in this but boy do we feel it. Society has created a need for these hushed tones when talking about these subjects, but why? The privacy of miscarriage should be a choice not an instruction. Sadly it is common so it is important to allow normalisation of these conversations in order to be able to rid people of the embarrassment and shame that they feel and instead create support and validation of their experiences. But how can we change this?
I think the more we talk about these topics, the easier it becomes for other to do the same. So when I got chatting to another miscarriage mumma on social media, we joined forces to create a support platform and podcast called The Worst Girl Gang Ever. It’s the gang that no-one wants membership to but the camaraderie and support within this community of warriors is astounding. Bex and I are incredibly passionate about opening up the dialogue and smashing the taboo surrounding miscarriage and baby loss and the reception so far has been fantastic. We are open, honest, sincere, hilarious (we like to think) and we have no filter! We are currently recording series two but you can find series one on your usual podcast platforms. If you want support then you’ll find our page on Instagram and the support group on Facebook by searching for The Worst Girl Gang Ever. My book ‘It Will Happen’ is available in paperback and e-book from Amazon, Waterstones and the Austin Macauley website.
RELATED: How I spent my lockdown by author Anne Youngson
I am lucky. I live in the middle of beautiful countryside, surrounded by a large garden. If I look back over the year since March, I would appear to have been doing exactly what I would always be doing. Working in the garden. Walking the dog. Reading books. Writing books. Normal life, but with gaps, and the gaps have been significant ones. Social contact. Travelling. And even though I am not given to worrying about things I cannot change, it has been impossible to feel as if what has stayed the same, is still the same. It has been hard to ignore the uncertainty. I have an idea for a new novel and had already done much of the research and planning, so I have been able to escape into a created world, just as unreal as the situation we find ourselves in, but within my control. I am lucky in that respect, too... to read more click HERE
