There are many traditions that govern weddings in Africa. In Africa weddings are social because they involve the combining of two families; not only two families but two communities as well. When a bride and groom are happy, they complement each other. Most weddings are happy events but some can be very sad as with those women who are promised to a suitor before they are even born. Their families negotiate and the deed is done. Many of these women end up being miserable. Some of them, however, end up being quite happy.
An African Story: The Wedding
Some ceremonies are very old and some are not. Most of the old ones are still used today. In the past, what was strictly adhered to was that the bride had to be a virgin when the marriage took place because her virginity was highly valued. The whole family would be put to shame if the bride was not a virgin at the time of the marriage. In general, women in Africa are highly respected when they are expecting a child because that child can become a powerful spiritual person or a powerful leader.
In giving examples of traditions surrounding a marriage - or a bride and groom before the wedding, no specific region will be named. Below are ten traditions concerning a bride and groom or a marriage:
When a woman gets married, in some regions her mother gives her a set of pot lids. On the lids are carved illustrations of proverbs depicting relations in a marriage. When a husband makes his wife unhappy, she serves him a meal with a lid that represents the appropriate proverb illustration. If she wants to express her unhappiness publicly, when friends of her husband come to visit, she serves the meal with the lid that has the appropriate proverb.
In other parts of the continent when a woman is going to be married, she is taken to a Fattening Room for a few months, where she is fed a lot of good food in order to make her gain a lot of weight in preparation for her intended husband. In certain regions, the men like women who are plump.
Some regions celebrate a potential bride and groom by holding a Kwanjula ceremony that initially brings the two families together. A master of ceremonies speaks throughout the evening. He is in charge of the whole ceremony and introduces the parents of both the bride and the groom to the other family. Each family has someone who speaks for the bride or groom and tells the good points of the groom or bride. The bridegroom’s family brings gifts for the bride’s family. They perform a ritual where the bride’s aunt or other senior female member speaks for her, and a family member of the groom’s family speaks for him. After the ceremony, the groom returns home. The bride’s family hosts the Kwanjula and serves food and drinks to all invited guests.
There is something called a Knocking Ceremony, where the groom and the older members of his family visit the bride’s house to announce their intentions by knocking on the door of the house. The visitors ask permission to enter the house to announce their intentions. They bring gifts and beverages. If the beverages are accepted, then the visitors are accepted. The drinks are used for libations—the tribal prayer for blessings from the ancestors. The elder explains in poetry form, that he has seen a beautiful flower in the house and wants to take the flower home with him. He explains that they are there to ask for her hand in marriage and the groom wants to know what is required to make the flower his. They may ask him to come back and set a date. In the meantime, they make enquiries about the groom and his family if they are not familiar to them. The bride’s family may ask for certain things and at the next meeting these things are presented. The bride is then asked if she accepts the dowry. When she says yes, the groom slips a ring on her finger and kisses her. Prayers are said and the whole room offers advice to the couple and congratulates them. The ceremony lasts through the night.
The Reed Dance is a ceremony where virgins go to the king’s palace and dance in the Reed Festival. It is a ceremony that promotes purity among girls who are virgins. They gather reeds from the river and place them for the king to inspect. During the festival, the king chooses his youngest wife. The ceremony helps to preserve the custom of keeping girls as virgins until they marry.
In parts of the continent, on the wedding day, the groom will be presented with false brides. The guests will ask the groom questions such as, “Is she the one?” He must be able to choose correctly.
In some regions, after the wedding ceremony, the bride arrives with her friends who are all single. When the newlyweds are dancing, the guests wish them prosperity by throwing paper money over them or spreading it on the ground where they are dancing. The money can be used to help them at the start of their new life together.
In other regions the groom can get married if he is able to pay for the bride with a certain amount of cattle. However, the wedding is not complete until his wife gives birth to two children. If over time the wife has only one child, the husband can ask for a divorce. He can also ask for the cattle back.
In some areas, before the wedding, the bride is kept secluded for several months from everyone except a few elderly female relatives. Finally, on her wedding day, she is given over to her husband. Her parents cover her body with white powder as a symbol of her faithfulness to her new husband. She is then escorted to him.
An old tradition that has been brought forward to modern times, is the tradition of Jumping the Broom. In America, during the time of slavery, slaves were forbidden to marry. What they would do to make others know they were married was to make a public declaration of their love and commitment to each other by jumping over a broom to the beating of drums. African Americans have today adopted the tradition and after a western wedding ceremony, couples ‘jump the broom’. The brooms are handmade and elaborately decorated.
These are some of the traditional African marriage ceremonies that are still practiced today.
In my novel, An African Story: The Marriage, in order to incorporate some of the wedding traditions of Africa, I have used the tradition of the bride price. Another tradition I have used is when Maimuna was closeted with the women Elders and given advice on everything to do with running a home and how to treat her husband. Throughout the book are scattered traditions which would have been a part of daily life in ancient Africa.
© 2017 – L.A. Osakwe