My husband left me unexpectedly. I still remember how I felt as I watched him pick up his bags and walk out the front door. During the first weeks, months and years after he left, my only thought was about ‘surviving’.
Surviving and Thriving on the Single Parent Journey
But in the nine years since I became a single parent, I discovered that the journey we’re on as single parents is not just about surviving – it’s about thriving. Here are a few simple tips that helped me.
Stick to a routine
Bringing up children is hard work, but when everything from being the bread winner and making meals to supervising homework and being our children’s emotional support is solely down to us, 24/7, it’s no wonder we end up emotionally and physically worn out.
A routine helped me to focus on what was important and gave my children a sense of security. Life was easier because we all knew what we were doing and when. Create a schedule for essential activities – work, school, household chores, meal and bedtimes – then add in other things to prioritise what is important to you and your children.
Plan ahead
Alongside building a routine, planning ahead for each day’s activities keeps stress level to a minimum – although none of us can prevent last-minute crises, of course! Make lunches and lay out school uniforms the night before, plan menus for the week ahead, and bulk cook meals to freeze and use on busier days. Order groceries online and get them delivered, and write yourself a to-do list each day with important things at the top and less urgent things at the bottom. Don’t worry if you don’t get everything done – there’s always tomorrow.
Get support
A strong support network can provide emotional encouragement and be an antidote to the isolation that often affects single parents. Look for support groups in your area and interact with others through online single-parent groups and forums. Don’t be too proud to accept help when it’s offered by family or friends, and actively ask for help when you need it. Don’t let your independence hinder rather than help you.
Communication with your child’s other parent
Try to communicate well with your child’s other parent. The way you both treat each other and arrange access will affect your child and yourself. Put the children first in the co-parenting relationship, and communicate in a way that works for you both, whether it is meeting in person, phoning, or texting.
Look after yourself
Our children come first and looking after them is a twenty-four-hour job, however neglecting our wellbeing isn’t good for them or us. Try to eat healthily and exercise whenever you can, even if it’s just going for a walk. Say no to unnecessary commitments and allow yourself time to stop, unwind and regain your energy and strength, whether that’s soaking in the bath with a glass of wine after the kids go to bed or reading a good book.
Banish those negative thoughts
Single parents don’t have a partner to encourage them through the challenging moments (hours, days, weeks!) of raising children, so it can be difficult to deal with negative thoughts. When we’re physically and emotionally exhausted, any feelings of inadequacy we have are heightened. Combat this by focussing on the positives and the things you’ve achieved that day, both big and small. Think about the many ways in which you are caring for your children every day will help you build up a true picture of your own value. And remember, none of us is perfect – even single parents!
Keep your hopes and dreams alive
You may not have the time or freedom to pursue your dreams and ambitions right now, but there will come a time when you can. Consider small steps you could take now that will to start you on the road to achieving them.
Above all, keep a positive attitude and remember … you are not the only one on this journey!
Kat Seney-Williams is the Single Parent Support Coordinator at national charity Care for the Family. She is the author of Surviving and Thriving on the Single-Parent Journey, published this week.