Something was wrong, I’d stood up, but it appeared that my left leg was a tad reluctant in that task, definitely shoddy in support. I was, naturally, concerned, but also confused. I had a bad knee, and I thought that it was maybe just that despite the new feeling from this loose left leg, there was no other way really of describing it really, loose, untethered, both from me and the ground. Strange feeling, then it was ok, leg re-attached, world around me was, well, around me, still, scary.
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I was fine for the rest of the morning, then early in the afternoon it happened again, worse this time, felt bad too, really bad, left hand began to tingle, this is not good thought I, not good at all.
I’m going to pop over to the medical centre I said to the boss, something very wrong, feeling bad. Ok he said, I’ll come over with you, you don’t look good. We didn’t say much on that short, precarious for me, walk, to the Occupational Medical Centre. Initially things were not too bad though, not for a long time would I realise just how gentle, relatively speaking, this beginning was, but for now I was a bit fearful, though not too bad. Actually, thinking about it, I was remarkably contained. The Medical people checked me in, took temperature and blood pressure, called an ambulance, connected me up for ECG, brought me a cup of tea, and asked me some general questions which I answered best I could.
I asked Allan to phone Elayne and ask her to bring me my coat over as by now I knew that I was not going back to the laboratory, not for a few weeks, and then not for that long either.
While I was waiting for the ambulance I decided to text some friends just to let them know the good news: I’d had a mini stroke but I was ok, under the circumstances, no lasting damage. I realised Alizon and John were off to Spain the next morning so if I didn’t see them tonight, I’d miss them until they came back. There were no such problems with other friends. They could come when they liked, well, if they liked I thought, as two ambulance men came in and basically whisked me away after a brief flurry of questions and picking up charts and forms and some personal belongings of mine that I didn’t have on me.
On the way to the hospital, I felt kind of lucky to tell the truth, I mean, mini stroke, loose leg, tickly hand, ok now, tired, bit shaky but hell, not bad, could easily have been paralysis, speech, mind, well, no I realised fairly quickly, it looks like the language side is fine, thinking fine, so if, I thought, I do have a full on stroke, it might paralyse me, but it will leave the thinking stuff, the language stuff intact. This meant, I thought, a little too complacently perhaps, I wouldn’t be completely useless. No, not completely useless, just partially useless, which, hopefully is only partially bad, I thought, though all the time realising that partially useless had no partiality when it came to bad, bad it would be, but it was a decent enough musing to spend time with.
In the meantime, we travelled towards the hospital on, it seemed to me, unfamiliar roads, though whether that was to do with genuine unfamiliarity, or induced unfamiliarity, I wasn’t sure, but also didn’t bother to question which it was likely to be, and it seemed the unasked question was answered when I began to recognise the roads as we approached the hospital. The ambulance men left me in a curtained cubicle and I awaited attention, which I got, after a while, from an alternating series of nurses and doctors, with the same or similar questions, tests, and reassuring talks, to temper, any anxieties I was feeling, which, oddly enough, I wasn’t.
My blood pressure was too high, so they wanted to keep me in for a few days until it was back at a more manageable level. I was whisked off to the too full wards and left on a trolley waiting for a bed. Bring books I messaged to my friends as I waited, fortunately Alizon had had the same idea and when she and John arrived shortly after they had books for me. Well, I said to Alizon and John, another fine mess eh, mini stroke? Yeah, bit serious, but maybe a bit lucky in a way. Alizon related how her dad had had a full stroke and that he’d been getting progressively more paralysed down one side ever since. I chirped up that at least I now knew that if I did have a full stroke it wouldn’t interfere with the thinking and language side of the brain, so at least I’d be able to do some things I was good at. Small mercies, John said, here are some books for you. We’ve got to go, packing to do and stuff. Ok, see you when you get back, might even have a bed by the time you land in Spain, I was still on a trolley waiting for a vacant bed, we hugged and parted and a few minutes later I was taken to a bed, given examinations, pills, checks and a talking to, then things went quiet as the teams of doctors and nurses whisked their way to the next ward. The tea lady came around and I got settled with a brew and a book and drifted into the sentences before me as the sounds around me faded in to the distance.
I wake as the first nurses come in to the ward, rub my eyes and look around. The time of day was the only difference really as far as I could see as regards the surroundings. In the other beds all you could see were vaguely body shaped heaps of bedclothes, human figures of some kind well concealed beneath, not much change from the previous night. Once I’d taken and ingested the proffered pills and gotten a coffee when it came around I began to turn my attention from beyond myself onto and into myself. How did I feel? Tired, exhausted actually, but other than a bit of a headache not bad at all. I got up and everything was working ok. All things considered I was pretty damned well, at least according to my own senses, but then my senses didn’t tell me how my blood pressure was, nor my heart for that matter, and no doubt a host of other things your body doesn’t bother you with until it’s too damned late.
I was told I’d be in for a few days while they monitored my blood pressure, but the word was my heart was fine, I felt a quietly thumping ovation from inside my chest at that, so I needed to exercise, diet well, drink less, take pills, stay calm. It was a warning I was told, yes I said I heard the alarm. As the noises of the ward began to mount I sought the comfort of my book and burrowed quietly into the pages until lunch time.
Jayne arrived just after lunch, just in time for a cup of tea in fact. Andy couldn’t come she said. We’d been going to Kendal for a concert that night but under the circumstances that was one gig that was now unreachable. She’d brought me a couple more books and some soap and razor stuff so I could keep myself reasonably presentable to the sick folk all around me. I see you’ve been reading already she said. Well yes, not much else to do around here. I couldn’t stand being in here without reading material, now that would do my head in. We spoke about changing my lifestyle, or drinking less basically, but also better diet, exercise and stuff. We exchanged the requisite amounts of small talk, news of mutual friends and spoke of planned trips that might now be in jeopardy, though I suggested they would still be ok, that I’d likely be out of here in a few days, which as it turned out was quite true.
The doctor came around the next day and said that my blood pressure was now in a self manageable state and once all the notices and medical needs were issued I could go home. I had to get to work to pick up my car and I had a number for transport at work. They would send someone for me. Time began to stretch then, it took forever for all the medical stuff to get done and then I had a hell of a time trying to get through to work and get transport. Patient as I had been, patient I now had to be, but eventually, after numerous calls, a taxi arrived for me and took me to the works gate. I walked onto the site and picked up my car, I thought about popping in to see my boss, but I thought no, I just want to get home, so home I went.
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