Writing Apple: Sex, Drugs, Motherhood and the Recovery of the Feminine shocked me, if only because I never before understood why our culture addresses motherhood as trivial. The most important thing that we can do is change this story. Step away from cultural pressures to be thin or to earn a certain amount of money. Prioritise happiness, yours and that of your baby, and let every other decision flow from there.
Antonella Gambotto-Burke, Apple: Sex, Drugs, Motherhood and the Recovery of the Feminine
1. Slow down
The core issue in twenty-first century motherhood is time poverty. Mothers are fraught, overwhelmed by the demands of work, other children, partners, health, and so on. The key? Slow down. Take your baby or child for a walk and leave your iPhone behind. If he can speak, ask about his dreams. Look into his eyes, deeply and often, because doing so will trigger oxytocin – the love hormone – in you both. Talk to him about the sky, the trees, the flowers. Ask how he feels. Really listen. Tell him about your childhood. Make daisy chains together. Sing as you walk. Skip home. Do this regularly, and your connection will grow deeper.
2. Read to your child
I started reading to my daughter every day when she was two weeks old. By the age of two, she’d heard every Dr Seuss book ever written. This year, she scored 100% in GCSE English. Reading to your baby will not only change her brain, but yours. So join a library together. Few things make a child feel as loved. And always have fun with it; be as silly as you like.
3. Be yourself
Let your baby or child see into your heart. Give them reason to trust you. The love your baby feels for you will not only determine her lifelong capacity for attachment, but her capacity for happiness. And, if you let it, it will completely change you. Love is an evolutionary force.
4. Don’t isolate
Little children feel rather than analyse. When we’re stressed, they’re stressed. If you feel overwhelmed, ring a friend or a helpline. Go for a walk with your baby. Join a mothers’ exercise or batch cooking group. Take up mothers’ yoga. Join a mothers and babies swimming class. Buy some paints and sit in the garden together, painting. Start your own natural history scrapbook. If your child is older, pitch a tent in the garden and camp. Build a family website. Go on history walks. The more fun you have with your child, the happier you’ll both be.
5. Loving a child is an art
Mothers are artists. We create the future, literally and figuratively. The happier and more well-adjusted our children, the better the world will be for everyone. I explain this in detail in Apple: Sex, Drugs, Motherhood and the Recovery of the Feminine, showing how the damage done by our forefathers can be undone. Mothers and children need to be supported on all levels – by families, the community, and policy – in order for the world to heal. The beginning? Recognising the value of tenderness. Prioritise love, always.
Follow Antonella on www.instagram.com/gambottoburke
Pre-orders for Apple: Sex, Drugs, Motherhood and the Recovery of the Feminine are available postage-free through www.bookdepository.com/APPLE-SEX-DRUGS-MOTHERHOOD-RECOVERY-ANTO-GAMBOTTO-BURKE/9781780667409
