Full Circle
What can you tell us about Full Circle?
Full Circle continues my life as an isolated (psychologically, socially and familiarly) neglected and emotionally traumatised young woman. Vulnerable, homeless and unable to hold down a job I was coerced into a very violent relationship. After a life threatening beating I left in the middle of the night with my 18 month old baby. I returned to Manchester and received no help from any source. Homeless, I found myself at the mercy of unscrupulous people, forced into prostitution and sexually exploited.
This is the sequel to Breath in the Dark, where does Breath in the Dark leave off and Full Circle begin?
Breath in the Dark leaves off at the point where after being pushed from pillar to post I found myself living alone in a bed-sit. I knew I was going to be given my notice at work. I remained ostracised by the Jewish community and family as my mother had been before me. I saw an advert for a live in job in the Lake District and after applying for the job was told I could start the following week. Full Circle begins on the day that I arrive at the hotel in the Lake District.
When did you decide to write the sequel?
I moved in with my husband to be in 1980. I was struggling with emotional and related physical problems. He was very concerned and I was admitted into a psychiatric ward. My husband was told that I would never be able to lead an independent life and would always have to live in an institution. Several years later I was reluctantly given a place in a psychotherapeutic community. All the manuscripts were written in 1984 when I came out of the community as a way of helping my husband and son gain some insight into the enduring effects of the deep and prolonged poverty and deprivation which I had suffered from childhood.
What advice would you give to someone who is experiencing situations similar to those you have encountered?
Regarding my childhood I have to say that a child does not have the experience of life to know what is happening regarding, sexual abuse, neglect, poverty, deprivation and social isolation. It is the responsibility of adults both family and professionals to attempt to understand difficulties that children in such circumstance face for example, leaving them with a seriously physically and unsupported mentally ill mother.
In adolescence young people who have experienced such poverty and deprivation may not have it in their mindset to ask for help. I thought there must have been improvements in attitudes or services since the 1960's and 70's but there has not been. Welfare is just as coldly given and as punitive as it was back then. Sadly, so many resources are now being taken away from vulnerable children and young people because of savage welfare cuts. In recent child sexual exploitation cases it was found that social workers and the police did nothing to stop the abuse. They thought the children were 'bad' because they had been in 'care.' in April 2013 this government denied 75,000 p.a. vulnerable children and young people legal aid, advice and representation. They cannot challenge Local Authority decisions on housing and money issues and it has been said that this will lead to more mental illness and suicide because children and young people cope less well with stress than adults. Again I have to say that it is essential that agencies and family identify what help is needed. If there is no family or disinterest from them I would suggest that young people seek out relevant charities that may be able to offer some support and advice in order to prevent vulnerable young people becoming homeless, pushed into prostitution and sexually exploited.
Your book has now been included in the reading lists for student mental health nurses and recommended as a key text for clinicians. What does this mean to you?
It means everything to me. I could have gone down the commercial route; this would have meant revising the narrative voice to make it less honest and more commercial. Also losing full editorial control of my story. I know it is now helping people and professionals who help people. As the reviewing lecturer Charlotte Baker at the University of Nottingham states 'This book like the first one is important reading, demonstrating the impact that childhood experiences have on adult relationships, psychology and well-being.'
Many reports analysing the lives of Young Carers have been commissioned over the years which repeat all the known major issues affecting children and families living in poverty. If parent/s has more resources it would take the pressure and caring responsibilities off their children. If my writing helps one vulnerable child or young person or gives some insight into the issues raised I am very happy.
How did writing help you to deal with your past?
It did not. In order to convey my story I had to delve into traumatic memories, thoughts and feelings. Getting the manuscripts ready for publication was very difficult and sent me back into bulimia and destructive behaviour. I was told when I was in psychotherapy that you cannot change your personality or memories they cannot be erased so I have to stay away from those traumatic memories for the sake of my emotional well-being and the effect on the people closest to me.
Do you have any aspirations to write fiction or will you stay as a non-fiction author?
Yes, I have worked on fiction and will resume in the future. I have a wealth of experiences to add to my writing.
What is your next writing project?
There is a third book in this series The Baby in the Attic. This book deals with my time in psychiatric care which I found very abusive and punitive and moves on to the period I spent in a psychotherapeutic community. This too was very difficult and there were several young people who simply could not live with the trauma of abuse and deprivation and sadly they committed suicide.
What is next for you outside of writing?
I participate with Sixth Form colleges students studying social sciences because they are the professionals of the future. I also work with libraries in order to raise awareness. I have a passion for gardening, cooking, baking, my six cats and life in general.