I believe that a happy and successful life is not solely dependent on one’s academic ability. Character and moral development are just as fundamental, if not more, to an individual’s ability to flourish in life. As Martin Luther King Jr said:
The Alphabet for Life
“Intelligence plus character - that is the true goal of true education.”
What would a true education look like? What is actually worth learning? From the depths of academia to the heights of motherhood, I discovered many personal answers to these questions, culminating in the creation of ‘The Alphabet for Life’; a children’s alphabet book that breaks the rules and cookie-cutter model. Here is my journey and an insight to the words worth learning for a happy life.
As a self-confessed nerd, I loved learning and reading from a very young age. I would eagerly await the end of the summer holidays, excited to return to school and my beloved lessons. By the time I was 9 years old, I had read every book available in my school library. No book left un-open, I voraciously devoured my father’s collection, reading books such as ‘The Pelican Brief’ and ‘It’, knowing the words but not really understanding the stories. Unsurprisingly, by the time I reached University age, I did not want to leave the academic world, and so I chose to pursue a career in science that would pay me to learn and read all day long.
Then I became a mother, which changed my life.
Like all women who become mothers, my brain literally did change (as shown by MRI scans). This version of Fran still loved reading and learning, but was a little uncertain about the rest of who she was and how to value her new role. As a stay-at-home mum, I devoted all my energy towards my baby son, determined to apply my ‘transferable skills’ and ‘analytical mind’ to the task of ‘achieving at motherhood’. This is how I had been taught to approach life; as a series of assignments and tests to study for and ace. Why would that be any different now?
Yet, despite my straight A background, I struggled with the whole motherhood thing. The reality of having a young baby presented challenges that required something of me that I seemed to be lacking. At a loss and feeling wholly unprepared, I became rather angry and low (hello post-natal depression). What had all those lessons been for? Why was I struggling so much? All those hours and hours spent memorising minute parts of the body, the first Testament and German verbs. Had it been a complete waste of time?
Is education a complete waste of time?
I doubt there is a straightforward answer to this question. Personally, I enjoyed my time at school, so I would not consider it a waste of time. However, my experience as a first-time mother clearly demonstrated that whilst my education had been a success on paper, it had not necessarily equipped me with certain skills and knowledge that were necessary and important for me to be truly happy and flourish in my life. According to Daniel Goleman (author of ‘Emotional Intelligence'), “IQ contributes about 20% to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80% to other forces”.
As I fumbled through those challenging early years of parenting, I came to understand what many of these ‘other forces’ were and began to embody them with positive effect. I learned to accept the never-ending sleepless nights, be more present as my son took painstaking amounts of time to toddle anywhere, and simplify everything in my life to the essentials. In her book, ‘The How of Happiness’, Sonja Lyubomirsky describes the kinds of changes I made as ‘happiness activities’ and recommends practicing twelve activities in particular, including cultivating optimism, nurturing social relationships and learning to forgive. This process profoundly transformed my life. As aptly put by William James:
“human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives”
Again, I’m not dismissing the relevance and importance of educating children to read, write and do maths. However, “emotional aptitude is a meta-ability, determining how well we can use whatever other skills we have, including raw intellect” (Daniel Goleman). Thus, education could be more effective if it focused on empowering each individual child to be their best self and thrive in life. We are more than just a list of grades on a sheet of paper; we are human beings and it is in our way of being where our success in life resides. Scientific research has shown that “happiness is not a fluffy or frivolous notion; it is the most important thing we can foster in ourselves and our children, for its own value and for its contributions to other things we value, such as professional and social success” (Christine Carter in ‘Raising Happiness’). Yet, there are no school exams for our ability to be happy or regulate our emotions.
Given that I had not instinctively understood and practiced many of these essential attributes, I could not assume my son would be any different. Furthermore, it was not enough to simply tell him to be patient/mindful/grateful/patient etc. As Christine Carter explains, “children imitate their parents’ emotions as early as six days old; it is one of the primary ways they learn and grow. So if we model happiness - and all the skills that go with it - our kids are likely to imitate what we do.” I would have to embody these qualities, be a role model, and effectively ‘walk the talk’.
This was the inspiration for ‘The Alphabet for Life’.
I wanted to create a book packed with the lessons I wish I had learned more than anything when growing up, and the lessons I now wanted to be able to teach my son. Quite literally, the book needed to teach me things as much as it would him. And so, underlying the cute illustrations and children-oriented theme, I incorporated layers of depth that would inspire an adult to learn and grow just as much as a child.
Since the humble alphabet book is a universal starting point for nearly every child’s journey into the world of academia, I decided this would be a good place to intercept. Every alphabet book I had come across used arbitrary words, such as ‘apple’ for A and ‘ball’ for B. Given any word could be used, it seemed like a wasted opportunity and limited approach, not to mention uninspiring and dull for me as the adult reading the same book over and over again.
Instead of A is for ‘apple’, I figured, why not A is for ‘acceptance’?
For each letter of the alphabet, a different word is featured and explored in the book; words that are relevant to a life well-lived. Children will be captivated by the fun characters in the accompanying colourful illustrations, and with irrepressible curiosity, they will seek to understand what they are looking at. The illustrations have been designed in such a way that with the help of an adult, even young children can comprehend and relate to conceptual ideas, such as dignity. Thus, ‘The Alphabet for Life’ is a unique children’s book that provides adults with a fun tool for teaching positive concepts in an accessible and engaging way to children.
There are so many lessons, so many words, of huge value along our journey in life. I’m certain that I could create numerous editions of ‘The Alphabet for Life’. As Howard Gardner, Harvard psychologist and founder of the ‘multiple intelligences’ concept, says: “There are hundreds and hundreds of ways to succeed and many, many, many different abilities that will help you get there.” I chose the words, the lessons, that accompanied me throughout my motherhood journey.
From discovering my heartfelt reason to get up in the morning (i is for ‘Ikigai’), to honouring my body’s natural rhythm for activity and rest (u is for ‘ultradian), creating ‘The Alphabet for Life’ made me a better person and as such, a better mother. After all, “the art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children” (Elaine Heffner).
My hope is that ‘The Alphabet for Life’ will help my son, and all other children flourish in the face of life’s many challenges as they grow. It truly is a unique children’s book that everyone; young and old, can enjoy and benefit from for an entire lifetime. So, let’s learn the alphabet using words that inspire and empower everyone to thrive in life!
The Alphabet of Life by Fran Norris (published by Clink Street Publishing 29th October 2019 RRP £10.99 paperback £2.63 ebook) is available to purchase from online retailers including Amazon and to order from all good bookstores. - https://www.amazon.co.uk/Alphabet-Life-Fran-Norris/dp/1913136027