Stop and take Stock
We all are busy. We all have multiple plates spinning. We all have bills to pay. I get it. To be truly happy though you need to stop for just a moment, sit down quietly and take stock of where you are and how you’re feeling about everything. Using an unbiased framework like the one in Life Satisfaction: A Scientist’s Guide can help you see the reality behind your life. Alternatively some journaling can help. Just write whatever comes to mind. No judgement. You might just be surprised what comes out.
Dr Leo Lafferty-Whyte
Work out what is really important to you
Society has a way of telling us what we think should be important to us. That doesn’t always mean that deep down that sits right. Most people who find themselves deeply unsatisfied with life are not prioritizing what is truly important to them (or in woo-woo speak “not living in congruence with their passions"). Write a list of the 5 most important things to you for you to feel satisfied. Are you spending most of your time on these or on things that detract from your sense of wellbeing?
Put a plan in place
Once you’ve taken stock and worked out where you’re not putting enough time you need to put a plan in place and take immediate action. No use just understanding what’s going wrong (or right) you need to actually have a plan to improve (or continue) the situation. Sitting wallowing in the situation will not improve things.
Reward yourself
Many of us (particularly Brits) feel that it is immodest to treat ourselves. Selfish to reward ourselves for a job well done. Nothing could be further from the truth. Think of what you’d say to a friend or family member who was rewarding themselves for achieving something (however small). Would you berate them for being selfish, I doubt it! Why do it to yourself then?
Hold yourself accountable
If you put a plan in place you need to stick to it. Many of us make lots of plans but as soon as the going gets tough we throw in the towel. Hold yourself accountable. Decide some painful consequences if you don’t stick to your plan. Sending money to a cause you despise for example or doing a chore you dislike. Make a public declaration of what that consequence is so that there’s no hiding from it.
Find some Cheerleaders
As well as making a public declaration of consequences you need to find yourself some support. Some independent coaches and mentors with no vested interest in your life. People who will cheer you on towards your goals. Life Coaches, facebook groups and face-to-face support groups are all excellent sources of unbiased support.
Be Flexible
Life is not a straight line, nor is it simple. Sometimes the kids get sick. Sometimes the car has a flat or you need to work late. Try to make sure you work in some room for these events in your day to day routine as well as your bigger plans. Just remember ultimately no matter what the world won’t end, the sun will come up tomorrow and the earth will keep on spinning.
Breathe
Sounds simple right? When was the last time you just took a moment to do nothing but breathe though? Most of us hold our breath more than we think. When reading, writing and particularly when working with computers it is common for people to hold their breath without realizing it. This triggers all sorts of hormonal and chemical pathways in the body that raises stress levels and leaves you feeling tired and unhappy. Next time you’re typing on a keyboard take a special effort to ensure you are breathing properly – you’ll see what I mean.
Nourish
Ultimately we can’t feel satisfied if we aren’t nourishing ourselves properly. Good nutrition is part of feeling good. Nourishing the mind with stimulation and pleasure is important too. Finally nourish the soul with some time in a place that speaks to you on a higher level – that could be a walk in nature, a visit to temple or church or just sat in your favorite spot looking at a view that makes you smile.
Stop worrying about what others think
The hardest to swallow (but best) fact I was ever told about myself came from a mentor when I was struggling with self-doubt and low self-esteem – “Stop worrying about what others think about you. You’re not that important! We are all the stars of our own movies and spend 99.9% of our time thinking about ourselves or our impact on others. That means that they’re feeling the same as you and probably don’t spend much time actually analyzing you the way you do.”
