With so many approaches to personal development, coach and author Alexander Butler reckons he’s cracked a simple but incredibly effective code, incorporating all the most important aspects of development in just 12 Principles.
Deep Joy
Choice - reclaiming your personal power by living a life on purpose, not by accident
Everything in life is the result of a choice. It’s so easy to give away your personal power, your ability to make life what you want it to be. Without thinking, you give it to your partner, your friends, family or your boss. There’s a mindset to reclaiming this power, to putting ourselves in the driving seat, to making life exciting and engaged again. It’s the mindset of leaders, creators, highly successful people, so Butler begins by teaching us this mindset.
Need - all humans have a core set of needs, and knowing what they are changes everything
This is a big one. If we’re not taught freedom and power, then we’re certainly not let into this little secret: we each have emotional and mental needs, whether we want them or not. If we aren’t meeting them consciously, we’ll do weird, unhealthy, unconscious things to get them met. Everything from a bad mood when we’re hungry to staying with bad partners just to feel worthy of love.
We can’t make them go away, but by understanding all of our needs, we can meet them in healthier ways - and take back control in our lives.
Authenticity - what is adulthood anyway, and how do we become our fully adult selves?
One look at twitter and you’ll see grown adults complaining about the problems of ‘Adulting’. If we dig beneath this, we often find that we really haven’t become adults at all - our bodies have grown up but our minds and our hearts have been left behind. In some ways, we’re children locked inside the bodies of adults. It’s a recipe for disastrous decision-making and relationships.
There are well tested, effective strategies to stepping into our fully adult selves. For example, Butler advises ‘Self-Parenting’ - a way of learning more mature responses to everyday problems.
Integrity - know what you stand for
If we reclaim the full power of our choices, instead of waiting for other people to make choices for us, we want to be sure that our choices are heading in the right direction. We want to know who we are, what we believe, what we value and what we stand for. This isn’t about moralistic virtue-signalling - it’s about making good choices every time there’s a fork in the road. Our values can anchor us when things get crazy, and help us making the life we want.
Liberation - freedom from the toxic lessons of our culture
Everyone complains that there’s things wrong with the world, with the way we do things, but in his book, Butler goes into detail about the cultural lessons that mess us up and make everything harder for us. From searching for happiness outside ourselves, to doing everything alone, to our shame around sex, Butler lays bare the worst things that TV, movies and our parents taught us...and what to do about them.
Wilderness - there are things that only nature can teach us
It’s not pseudoscience to suggest that people who spend time in nature feel better, experiencing benefits like a boosted immune system (even more vital right now), reduced blood pressure, increased energy levels and improved sleep. But Butler suggests this goes even deeper - that our connection to mother earth is primal. It can be a source of inspiration, of rest, of deep peace. We can sometimes forget how good it feels to be connected to nature, and that’s when we’re likely to need it the most.
Adventure - you’ll only find peace by doing scary things
A lot of people believe that only when we get rid of stress will we find that deep inner peace that we all long for. Actually, that approach is a shortcut to a stressed but passionless life. Anything worthwhile involves risk and stress, and by turning into the struggle, we become stronger and, as a byproduct, more able to embrace calm and peace.
Courage - Start moving today, whether you feel ready or not
We can spend years of our lives waiting to be ready to take that big chance, to take that risk that will change everything. What if we get it wrong? What if we fail? What will that say about us? So we need a new relationship with failure: that everything in life is about trial and error, and the best people fail all the time. It’s ok. So learn this new approach to failure, and begin taking exciting risks today.
Compassion - loving without rescuing
When does caring for somebody, become rescuing them or smothering them? So many relationships are based on one person saving a victim. Sometimes when we save people, we squash them, we steal their power, we stop them from learning and growing. True compassion and care means respecting the people we love, and not letting ourselves rescue or persecute them. This can feel counterintuitive, but we need a new approach, and Butler offers an effective new method in his book.
Resilience - a strong foundation built on self-care
Just as we stop ourselves ‘saving’ others, we may need to stop expecting others to save us. Taking responsibility for yourself involves meeting your universal human need for love. Butler details some effective strategies to keep you independent and resilient by strengthening yourself with passionate, fierce self-love.
Connection - vulnerability plus boundaries
Holding firm personal boundaries can be hard. They’re a gift to yourself, your partner, your children or co-workers. We like to know where we stand, and boundaries give us this stability, while the other core relationship skill - vulnerability - encourages us to be open, real and honest. When combined, we can create the perfect conditions for our relationships to flourish.
Commitment - a lifetime journey of growing stronger and more aware
People can grow and change, becoming more capable, more successful, happier...and there will always be new steps to take. Butler invites us to see life as a journey of adventure, filled with meaning. We aren’t going to do a bit of personal development and then stop. There is so much to learn, and experience, and discover, and with the attitude of adventure, we stay focused on continual growth and improvement for the rest of our lives.
Deep Joy: 12 Words to Unlock Your Potential and Build an Amazingly Fulfilling Life is published By Clink Street Publishing RRP £10.99
RELATED: Three tips to shape a working life that brings joy
Our inner drive rests on three innate psychological needs that shape our behaviour. These are autonomy, relatedness, and competence. When these three criteria are met, you are well poised to continually grow and discover meaning... to read more click HERE
