ONE
I didn't know what I was missing until our family adopted a rescue dog. We had a rescue cat, and we love her, but now we all love our dog, including our cat!
All the Stars in the Heavens
TWO
Every 10 haircuts, get bangs. They frame the face and the way you look at the world.
Bangs are fun. Go for them.
THREE
I was an Agony Aunt for the Irish Independent. I grew up reading Irma Kurtz, so when the opportunity presented itself, without any qualifications other than having been an Irma fan, I dived in. It was one of my favorite jobs ever.
FOUR
A good marriage is up to two people. One can never carry the load for two. Now, when we're invited to a wedding, instead of giving the gift of a blender or monogrammed towels, I give the gift of an anniversary book, a blank book, with a beautiful cover. We ask the couple to write a letter to each other every year on their anniversary. My husband I have written in our own book each year since we married. It's a ritual that holds us accountable to one another on paper, almost like a contract renewal. You will read what your partner wrote, and you won't believe it. You will be reminded of how much you have been through together and how loved you are, and who doesn't need that? Twenty years in, it's one of my favorite books to read at my house.
FIVE
I can apply my lipstick to last for 8 hours through eating, drinking and talking, yes, I promise, it stays on. If enough of you ladies respond in the comments section below, I'll make a technique of the video for you. Otherwise, we just let the fun fact sit here at number five for all eternity.
SIX
Sleep is the most important beauty routine. My mother said it and it's true. Your brain needs rest. Your body, muscles and bones, need a respite. Your cells need to regenerate. You need to dream. Go to sleep.
SEVEN
Visit America. We love you in New York City, San Francisco and New Orleans, our big grand cities (to name three!) but you would be missing so much if you never saw my hometown Big Stone Gap, in magnificent Virginia, in the Blue Ridge Mountains. While you're there, you can drive east through the rolling Shenandoah Valley, the Piedmont and over to the Atlantic coast, Norfolk and Kilmarnock. And that's just Virginia! Austin, Texas! The lakes of Minnesota! The enchantments of Chicago! The pizza in New Haven, Connecticut and the pasta in Youngstown, Ohio! There are too many places to name, but you owe yourself a visit. Come on over.
EIGHT
I finally learned to surround myself with positive people. I hope you do too. You need positive reinforcement of your ideas, even at the whim stage. This requires the support of those who believe in you. Nix the naysayers. And if you can't nix them, retrain them to take their negativity elsewhere. If a naysayer says something to hurt your feelings, they aren't lying awake at night thinking about it- you are. Next time someone says something thoughtless, call her on it. Instead of owning her/his negativity, and letting it ruin your day, hand it back to them. When she says, "That haircut doesn't suit you," Say, "I didn't get my hair cut for you. I got it cut for me. And I love it." She will be shocked and you will be free of her judgment. Bonus: she'll never say a mean word about your hair again. And if she does, you won't care.
NINE
Be Italian. I was born to it, so I can take no credit, but the lessons I learned from my family sustain me. Make the kitchen table the center of your life. Drink wine with dinner. Reupholster a chair or buy a purse or wear one article of clothing in a leopard print. For Italian American girls, leopard print is a neutral. Every once in a while, wear leopard and let them hear you roar.
TEN
I read a lot. It might be an addiction. I love to hold books. I love the pages, and the components, the paper, typeset, glue, jacket art and endpapers. I love to look down at one artfully placed on a table, or many lined up on a bookshelf. My mother was a librarian, so I learned to revere books before I could read. I know I don't get a number eleven, but may I add one more? I'd like my readers to know that my mother is still my best teacher. Even now, that she is getting on and ailing, she remains my most important teacher. All the lessons she has taught, all these years, are more precious than ever and have gained meaning and depth as time has gone on. And, despite all she has been through, she remains a glorious example of perseverance, faith, beauty and love for her children and grandchildren. Now, that's a life well lived, and I got a ringside seat to the wonder of it all. Here's number twelve: I'm lucky.
All the Stars in the Heavens by Adriana Trigiani is published by Simon & Schuster, 5th February, price £14.99 in hardback