Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a magic elixir which when added to the drink of someone we fancied would guarantee long lasting and true love? But of course real life isn’t like that. True, there has to be sexual attraction between two people for a relationship to develop, but that’s only part of the story. The easy part. It’s said that sometimes opposites attract and you only have to look at some couples to know that’s so, but folk who are very similar fall in love and stay together for a lifetime too so that’s not the key to long lasting love. Neither is wealth (in fact that can be a real relationship breaker), good looks, charisma or worldly success and power.
Rita Bradshaw
So… what contributes to the building blocks of a love that will continue to grow after the first flush of romance and mad infatuation begins to stabilize a little? Is it enjoying the same interests, sharing the same group of friends, liking (or at least not loathing) each other’s families, making the effort with any children from your partner’s previous relationship even when the little darlings look on you as a usurper at best and the wicked witch of the west at worst? All that can help for sure, but the main building block as I see it is actually liking and respecting the one you love.
Taken as read, you might say, but not the case. The world is littered with unhappy people who would tell you that they can’t walk away from their partner who is making them miserable because they love them, but that same person is playing around /abusing them / neglecting them / lying to them – the list is endless, and none of it inspires like or respect.
My husband and I have been together for fifty-three years and in the early days the more I got to know him the more I liked him (and fancied him!). He was considerate, loving, he made me laugh like no one else I’ve ever met and he was always there for me, and I can truthfully say that although he’s far from perfect, I have never experienced one minute of boredom around him.
Another essential element is enjoying being together and looking on each other as best friends as well as lovers. At times of crisis or extreme happiness, your best friend should be the person you can share with first, the person closest to your heart, the person who puts you first before themselves. In this day and age of instant gratification and “because you deserve it” self-sacrifice can be a dirty word, but it has its place in long-lasting love.
Two thousand years ago a man called Paul wrote these words about love, and frankly I can’t better them:
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love is not arrogant, doesn’t behave rudely, isn’t provoked, keeps no account of wrongdoing but bears all things”
I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty good to me!
