Drew Barrymore loved getting dark for new TV movie Grey Gardens, because it allowed her to show fans just how miserable she can be.
The actress insists she isn't always the happy-go-lucky person she portrays in quirky movies and on chat shows, and playing Little Edie Beale in the upcoming showcase gave her the chance to vent her depression.
She tells W magazine, "I was excited to bring my own pain to something. I mean, contrary to my happy-go-luckiness, I have so much darkness in there.
"Playing Edie, I felt like s**t. I thought, 'I’m afraid beyond anything I’ve ever known. I’m miserable; I’m scared; I feel sick all the time.' And I was like, 'Good! At least I have somewhere to put it...' I’m not f**kin’ happy all the time. I like making people feel good, but it was great not to have to please anybody."
Barrymore admits that preparing for the film, which co-stars Jessica Lange and Jeanne Tripplehorn, reminded her of a stint in rehab when she was a teenager.
She became so immersed in the character of real-life recluse Beale, she locked herself away for six months.
The Charlie's Angels star turned her back on friends, newspapers and technology in an effort to get into the mindset of former U.S. First Lady Jackie Kennedy Onassis' odd cousin, who lived with her mother in a sprawling, rundown New York mansion.
The actress explains, "I got institutionalised as a kid, and I felt like I was back there. A lot of times I found myself unhappy and isolated, and the only other time I felt that way was when I was in there.
"It was absolutely trying to relearn to live. You are learning to become someone else."
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