Cara Delevingne opens up on sexuality struggles: 'I was disgusted by it'

17 March 2021

Cara Delevingne felt “suicidal” whilst struggling with her sexuality when she was a teenager.

Cara Delevingne

The 28-year-old actress and model identifies as pansexual and has enjoyed high profile romances with the likes of St. Vincent and Ashley Benson but has now revealed she spent her youth battling with internalised homophobia as she grew up thinking same-sex relationships were “disgusting”.

Cara said her “old fashioned” upbringing made her think there was something wrong with her when she developed feelings for other women, and explained she was so “ashamed” of who she was she contemplated taking her own life.

She said: “I grew up in an old-fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay. I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I was quite not noticeably, I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic. The idea of being same sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh’.

“I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

The ‘Life in a Year’ star even confessed there is “still a part” of her that “wishes” she was straight because of her “complicated” relationship with her sexuality.

She added: “There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it. It is really complicated.”

The beauty also opened up on her gender identity, referring to herself as an “androgynous person”.

Cara – who has previously said she is gender fluid – told Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop podcast: “I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I’m an androgynous person. I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ‘man.’ I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”