Awkward Film Love Triangles

31 August 2014

The Longest Week

Do we all have a soul mate? Is love just around the corner? And what happens when you meet the person of your dreams but there's already someone else in the picture?

Love triangles have been a staple part of romantic films since Hollywood first begun, but it seems there are still fresh and engaging stories to be told in 2014.

Monday 1st September sees the release of 'The Longest Week', a contemporary telling of that old love triangle set up starring Jason Bateman (Horrible Bosses, The Switch), Olivia Wilde (Rush, Tron: Legacy) and Billy Crudup (Eat Pray Love, Watchmen).

To celebrate its release we're bringing you some of the funniest, bizarre and most awkward love triangles ever committed to film. So remember, two's company, three's a crowd.

1. Vicky, Cristina & Juan - Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Wow! Some films struggle to include one awkward love triangle, this hilarious romp has at least three. Written and directed by Woody Allen on his European Tour, this film practically oozes with the lust, love and lost inhibitions of a sunny holiday in Spain.

Whether it's the awkward secrecy between Vicky, Cristina & Juan or the awkward tension between Cristina, Juan & María Elena it just works so well.

There's so much going on, so many nuances to everyone and such gorgeous scenery you'll feel yourself being swept up in the whole cheeky affair too. Pour a Sangria, play some flamenco and be seduced.

2. Kathryn, Annette & Sebastian - Cruel Intentions

Incest? Most definitely awkward. How could we not include this stylish 90's adaptation of 'Dangerous Liaisons' in our list? It's cool, it's classy, it's dripping with sexual tension and in 1999, this film couldn't have cast more 'hip' leads if it tried.

Combining charged imagery and schoolyard whispers this film was the PR wet dream for Generation Y.

It not only boasts beautiful stars and sexy cars but also a witty script, effortlessly cool songs and quite shocking, for Hollywood, attitudes to sex. The soundtrack. Those bodies. That kiss!

3. Tyler, Marla & The Narrator - Fight Club

SPOILER ALERT!

Does anyone not know the twist at the end of David Fincher's darkly delicious film nowadays? I'm not sure if you can call this one a love triangle as it technically only happens between two people, who knows?

Even so, this relationship has more than its fair share of passion, jealousy, mind games & gloved-sex. Played expertly by Brad Pitt, Helena Bonham-Carter & Ed Norton, these characters are the most grubby, flawed and three dimensional lovers on this list. The first rule of a love triangle is...

4. Withnail, Marlow & Uncle Monty - Withnail & I

What are the key ingredients for a ménage à trois? Mutual attraction? Fiery passion? Seductive beauty? This trio's tryst in Yorkshire has all of these in spades.

Well, it has some of these. OK. It has none, but it's still one of the most awkward love triangles on film. Which other film shows one of the lovers offering up the other's anal virginity to secure a cottage?

What other relationship is fermented in so much fine wine and legumes? Name another love triangle with Richard Griffiths in make up? Oh my boys, my boys indeed.

5. Beatrice, Conrad & Dylan - The Longest Week

The only thing worse than not being with the one you love must be seeing them with someone else everyday. After falling from a life of luxury, Conrad's luck changes when he meets the woman of his dreams.

The only problem is she's already dating his best friend, Dylan, who's just let him move in with him. The set up sounds familiar but this fresh new take on the love triangle rom-com is both funny, smart and believable.
The characters and the central dilemma not only provide the laughs but also satirise the current affluence and indulgence of society today. A lot can happen in seven days!

6. Kathy, Tommy & Ruth - Never Let Me Go

What could be a better setting for a love triangle than a dystopian, sci-fi Britain?

Most love triangles don't end up too happily for everyone involved but usually at least two of the lovers get their fairytale ending.

In this bleak world where clones are harvested for their organs before they've turned thirty, it doesn't seem like there's much chance of a meaningful relationship.

Despite all this, our trio of friends share all manner of dalliances together and maybe, just maybe have a chance at proving their love and escaping their fate. Hold on tight, you may want a cuddle by the end of this one.

7. Bella, Edward & Jacob - The Twilight Saga

What would make the street/restaurant punch up in 'Bridget Jones's Diary' more exciting? Hats? Umbrella gadgets? Daniel Cleaver as a werewolf and Mark Darcy as a vampire? Yeah, that'll do it.

Twilight's central trio is essentially Bridget Jones with mythical creatures. The lead character spends her time moaning about life and love until not one, but two pheromone crazed beasts target her.

What makes the Twilight series even weirder is that the fans took sides! So this is a love triangle as a spectator sport, and that's very awkward indeed. Team Edward or Team Jacob?

8. Hawkeye, Cora & Major. Duncan Heyward - Last of the Mohicans

Classic film. Classic love triangle. There are so many longing looks, furtive glances and drippy declarations of love in this film it becomes hard to know who's after who.

The main thrust focuses on the honourable attempts to protect a general's daughter, an important pawn in the Seven Year's War.

Despite being strategically important, it soon becomes clear that both leading men are less interested in bravery and more into her brassiere.

All this awkward flirting gets a bit heated towards the end, quite literally for Major. Heyward it gets really, really hot!

9. Madeline, Helen & Dr. Melville - Death Becomes Her

The only thing that can make a love triangle more awkward is being immortal as shown in this bizarre farce from Robert Zemeckis.

Other relationships may have jealous fights, name calling and even attempted murder but none of the other films actually show it.

This one does in spades. There are snapped necks, shotgun wounds and various other macabre altercations between the central threesome. Love can be deadly.