Music makes me cry. From day one it's had the power to reduce me to a snivelling, boo-hooing wreck. If a particular piece has a string section in it, it's even more dramatic. Though it's comforting to know that millions of others feel the same, I'll never been able to listen to the 'poet-laureate of loneliness', Frank Sinatra, or Nancy Wilson, Maria Callas, Judy Garland or Stevie Wonder without resorting to full on, ugly faced sobbing. Collectively they access every room in my heart.
Tessa Niles
I like painting - pictures not houses.
I once worked in a factory making dog collars. Not the small leather kind for our canine friends, but detachable, white plastic collars worn by members of the clergy. During the summer of 1977, when punk was at it's height, my dad got me the job. I learnt how to to cut a template from a roll of soft plastic and mould it around a warm pole. Oh yes, I've known glamour.
For me a holiday doesn't have to be luxurious but it absolutely must be beautiful.
My underwear's getting progressively larger. Recently, whilst waiting to pay for my 'three for two' specials I balked as the assistant began folding what could only be described as 'mumsy mutations'. I asked the cashier to check, as surely in my haste I'd picked up the wrong sizes. Somewhat louder than necessary she stated 'They're all the same, madam' and held up the label as proof. Adding to my humiliation, she then pulled hard on the elastic and said 'When they're actually on the body, you'll find they look smaller."
Who the hell was she trying to kid, and whose body did she mean? - Demis Roussos? Realising that there was enough space to print the phrase 'It's not going to spank itself!' and the complete works of Baudelaire across the bum, the full weight of the problem bore down on me. These were not knickers, nor briefs. Not panties, or wisps of Chantilly lace held together by a lick and a promise. No, these were passion killers similar to those worn by my dear mother. The abominations that flapped like giant wind socks on her washing line. I'd turned my back for just a few years and was now wearing them like it was some kind of birthright! But sorry, when exactly did this happen? And I want to know if there's any way back from here? Yes, I'm talking to you M&S, and don't think making them in black and calling them firm control shape wear in any way eases the pain. It doesn't!
Games like Pac Man scare the bejeezus out of me and cause great anxiety. I don't like being chased by evil munching things.
Drinking tea with Nelson Mandela was one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life. Sitting comfortably in his favourite armchair, he began 'I remember your father' he said to my husband, who was balancing a twin daughter on each knee. Mandela's eyes softened as he recalled the stories of his friendship with my father-in -law. I'll remain eternally humbled to have had the opportunity to spend a little time with one of the greatest men the world has ever known.
I have a really bad sense of direction and location. I constantly get on wrong trains and even if I've been staying in the same hotel room for a week I turn the wrong way out of the lift every single time. I've lost my car in the carpark more times than I care to remember.
In my opinion kindness is hugely underrated and Victoria Wood's Dinner Ladies is the best comedy series ever created.
During the recording of 'Simply The Best', Tina Turner and I had a deep and meaningful conversation. She felt that the best way to get rid of her 'undesirables' was to take a knife and slice them whilst they were still warm. Though harsh, I had the distinct feeling that after a lifetime spent in heels, Tina knew a thing or two about bunions!
About the Author:
Tessa Niles is the author of Backtrack (£14.99, Panoma Press). If you were listening to music during the 1980s and 1990s, then chances are that Tessa Niles performed live with some of your favourite artists and sang on your most loved tracks. Her first big break came in 1983 when Sting asked her to join The Police on the Synchronicity World Tour. Niles went on to perform with David Bowie at the legendary Live Aid concert and sang on Bowie and Jagger's hit Dancing in the Streets. Throughout the last three decades Tessa Niles has performed with some of the most iconic artists in music: George Harrison, Annie Lennox, Tears For Fears, The Pet Shop Boys, The Rolling Stones, Paul McCartney, Elton John, Kylie Minogue and Robbie Williams to name a few.