Liz Brewer Talks Etiquette & Good Manners

31 August 2011

Liz Brewer

Liz Brewer is the Queen of Etiquette and has enjoyed huge success with the TV series Ladette to Lady.

I caught up with her to talk about the show, the royal weddings that have taken place this summer and what lies ahead.

- Barbie Princess Charm School is out on DVD so for anyone who hasn’t seen the movie yet can you tell us a little bit about it?

Absolutely, Barbie stars as Blair Willows are very kind hearted girl who has chosen to attend a Princess Charm School which is where princesses in training learn formal dancing, tea party etiquette and proper princess manners.

Blair absolutely loves her classes and she has two special friends who are Princess Hadley and Princess Delancey. She also has helpful magical sprites. The story is to do with one of the teachers called Dame Devon.

She cottons on to the fact and believes she resembles the kingdom’s missing princess, so she goes out of her way to make certain that Blair keeps from having any chance of claiming the throne. So what Blaire, Hadley and Delancey have to try and do is to reveal the enchanted crown that they found and prove the true identity of Blair in is in fact the princess.

- We know you best from Laddette to Lady so how did you get involved in the show?

The first time I got involved with that is when I met the producer who wanted to know about how girls went to finishing school when they did what they call the London Season and became Debutantes, and so I spent a lot of time talking to him and a couple of the other producers. It was now seven years ago and we made six series in the end.

The first one I have to admit I had absolutely no idea what we were involved with at all, I merely knew that there were a bunch of girls coming and I thought I was just going to teach them table manners and how to lay a table, I had no idea what I was in for.

So for me it was an extraordinary experience and it was a process which in actual fact I probably wouldn’t have been able to cope with if I hadn’t had the experience of dealing with over the years with some fairly high profile celebrities who actually taught me patients, so without that I probably wouldn’t have been able to deal with these girls. But for me it was extraordinary and really rewarding because 9/10, those girls really did transform.

- The show has been doing well not just in this country but all round the world - what do you think is the secret of its success?

Extraordinary, the secret to this success! IF=f we knew everybody would be making programs similar but this program sold so brilliantly around the world, in fact it became the highest rating program in Australia.

I think it was the second highest in Canada, it’s been shown in Poland, you name it it’s been shown everywhere and it has a huge following to the extent that in fact that in Australia channel 9 made two series. They commissioned two series which were later bought by iTV, huge success!

- Etiquette is something that has very much gone out the window today why do you think that is?

I think part of the reason, and I’ve explained this in my new book which is ‘My Ultimate Guide to Party Planning and Etiquette’ and that addresses social behaviours in today’s world. And it’s to do with the fact that everybody is in such a rush.

We’re too busy almost to say thank you, we’re too busy to make somebody feel comfortable and it’s something we need to address and need to ease up because we are actually spiralling out of control. I mean if you think about the world as it is today, email alone, I go and open my computer in the morning and I have to clear my post as it were and I’m battling through 30-40 emails and each one has to be addressed.

Now one time that would be a letter; you would open it, you would read it, you would think about it before replying. Now everything is instant, we reply instantly just to clear the desktop. So sometimes you make the wrong decisions and also people get the wrong impression. It’s not as gracious as it use to be and people take offence.

- And how important do you think it is to see that return?

You know you have a breakdown in society if you don’t have etiquette and good behaviours. People take offence, that’s why people have so many problems around the world, between different countries, for pure misunderstanding a lot of the times.

Or it’s because of an attitude that you don’t understand and you take offence and you build a wall. You know people have more enemies than they do friends and it’s because they don’t take time to actually make friends and treat people correctly.

You know with manners it’s a way to make an impression and from the first time a person meets someone, an impression is being made, and the way you are toward them and how familiar you are or aren’t. It’s something that’s taken in either on a subconscious level or on a one-to-one level quite openly.

So it’s something that we need to address and because at the moment we’re in a downward spin as far as manners are concerned.

- And how much do you blame social media for the rise of bad habits?

You know it’s one of the things I address in my book, I say a social network service is an online platform, a site that provides a service for people to connect and there are now active social network websites operating in almost every possible field.

What do I think of them? They provide a valuable service but one that needs respect, understanding and control and that’s it. It needs respect, understanding and control.

With social networking, like anything else, you have to understand what you are doing and use it as a tool, as a tool it is brilliant. But as a substitute for life, it is a total waste of time.

- You are obviously the Queen of etiquette so what is the one example of bad manners that sends you crazy?

I think its people who forget to say thank you. Ummm, sometimes you go to a great deal of thought and you go to a great amount of effort to make other people feel happy; whether it’s organising an event, whether it’s sending out a present, whether it’s just doing something which is going to help that other person. And people forget to say thank you, and that is a huge mistake! People need to know they have been appreciated.

And it’s just a simple phrase ‘Thank You’ which means an awful lot. It is the basic form of good manners, and manners are to do with making another person or people feel comfortable, to put them at ease and to not cause offence, and quite simply that’s what it’s about.

To give elders respect, and you only really understand that as you get older. The more you live, the wiser you hope you get. So older, wiser, and young people need to respect their elders and listen to them because you learn from them. You learn from experience and you learn from elders because they’ve been through certain situations that can help you.

- It's been all about the Royals so far this summer with both Catherine Middleton and Zara Phillips both getting married - so what did you make of both weddings and of course the dresses?

I thought Kate’s dress was sensational and appropriate. Wedding dresses are suppose to cover the arms, and cover the shoulders..

Uum, it’s not because it’s to represent a virgin in this day and age, but it is suppose to look demure and it as actually fit for a princess, so she ticked all those boxes.

- While Zara was born into the royal family Catherine isn't so what sort of tips would you give her as she fits into the Royal family and of course royal life - she is very much going to become the poster girl for our monarchy?

To use her common sense, and that’s what this is about, she will be guided. But remember she is over 30, and therefore she is more worldly then Princess Diana ever was. And also she has a chance to live a normal married life for the next 2-3 years.

She hasn’t been as it was, subjected to live in the palace, to live as a royal with a huge amount of duties. She’s being able to actually cement the marriage and live a normal life with William, which is important for young people.

- She will eventually become Queen so what sort of etiquette and behaviour do you expect from a woman of her standing?

She’ll become Queen consort when William becomes King. And as such, her duty is towards William and the country. William’s duty is towards the country and then towards his wife and family. Country comes first and she will learn that, not just to be support for him, but learn to do things that will compliment their lifestyle.

And as far as charity is concerned, that is what she will be involved with. And also you know, doing certain things that will represent our country. What our country needed is a youthful, a young approach because there was so much criticism as far as the Royal Family is concerned. What William and Kate have bought in is a new breath of fresh air.

- But you has also planned parties all over the world for some of the most famous & glamorous celebs so how did you get into that line of work?

I suppose because I was asked ha ha ha... Word spreads. When I create an event, I put my heart and soul into it. When I put on an event, I dream about the event in my mind. I think; as if I were that person, I try and put myself in their shoes and then dream about the event. From the very moment you think about the idea, to how you inform people.

To what sort of invitation you’re going to send out to people, how they find the place, what the theme is. The most important ingredients is mixing people; how you introduce people, how you make certain that they’re looked after. You think about what happens if things go wrong.. Um, it’s not just feeding them and having a drink and entertainment.

It’s to do with creating an atmosphere, and an atmosphere is created by people, and therefore you have to make people enjoy themselves. What people enjoy is meeting other people, so you have to give them the tools to do that. In my new book I explain not only in detail, but minute detail; every single stage, every single preparation, every single detail, and it’s written as a tree.

The tree which is at the beginning of the book with its branches. Each branch is a chapter, and each chapter is covered with leaves and each leaf is if it were a paragraph in the book. So I wrote the book, literally; branch by branch, leaf by leaf. So it’s a concise bible of how to arrange any event, in conjunction with that it’s behaviour.

Because if you don’t have an address, social behaviours which in this modern age, very different to what it was in the last century. If you don’t adders that, people are always asking questions; how do I do this, what do I do with that?

So what I’ve done is actually taken every type of modern behaviour, covering social networking, mobile telephones, self esteem, things which people can relate to. How to do introductions, how to address people, every single kind of person. Dress sense; what is black tie, what is white tie, what is morning dress, what is highland dress, what is formal, informal.

You know in our country today, we have created and traditions have evolved which other countries / other people don’t understand. You tell an American overdress in white tie, he will turn up with probably a brown suit and white tie.

You tell them its black tie; you turn up with a black tie. You see it’s very different, what we have is our traditions and our culture needs to be explained. So what I do in very simple form is explain everything. And in today’s world knowledge is very valuable; when people know things they feel more confident. And confidence makes the success!

- Which was the best party that you ever planned for a client?

It’s usually my last one ha ha ha... But I suppose most spectacular, there were a couple of wedding parties I did for Ivanka Trump, which were pretty spectacular and theatrical. But I think the 70th birthday party was a Christmas theme with diamonds and red, which I did for Dame Shirley Bassey a couple of years ago was spectacular and memorable.

But as I say, it’s usually the last party that I’ve done which is because I’ve become so involved with it, it’s always so topical and the one that sticks in my mind.

- For the run of the mill every day, working woman what are the essential rules/tips of etiquette?

To make a list! Make a list when you’re organising something as far as a party is concerned. But as far as being a great hostess or conducting your life, always remember to say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’, and to be gracious.

Be aware that the other person might be feeling awkward and always try to make the other person feel at ease. Those are the most important things, and be kind to people, that is also very important.

- Finally what's next for you?

Right now I’m filming a few things. I’m actually doing the hairy bikers, teaching them how to do traditional picnics and teaching them the etiquette, so that’s next week... I’m doing a whole series of things... I’m also doing a tour of my book all around the country, doing special lunches, signings and Q&As

Barbie: Princess Charm School is out now on DVD