my soul is broken

[despondentsoul]

i was with my mate for 6 years. this valentines day would have been our 3rd year engaged. about a week ago he ended it. i'm devistated. he wants to remain close friends, i want to marrry him. he just told me that he's going to move far away in a couple of months. i don't know what i will do without him.

i don't know how to cope just being friends with him. i haven't had the chance to "plead" my case so too speak. he's not ready to talk about it and i'm so afraid to push him away. omg, my soul is truly broken.

[Cala_mity]

Hi despondentsoul,

Sorry to hear about your relationship breaking up. It is so very hard to deal with.

Is this the first time you have split up?

If it is then keep your fingers off the phone buttons and DO NOT contact him whatsoever - I know you want to.

But the only way for it to work is for him to realise what he has lost and come back to you.

In the meantime join a gym or go to night school - and focus on improving yourself and your self image - Go out and spoil yourself.

Hope this has helped in a little way - I know the feeling because same thing happened to me - Take care

Cala

[despondentsoul]

thanks for the kinds words

this is actually the third time. we were able to work out the other two, talking and working things out. this time, he says he's not ready to talk about it just yet and i don't want to push him away so i'm trying my hardest not to push. i have so many things i want him to know, to understand. it's so hard. today i'm alone at my house and i can't help but feel a feeling of abandonment, lost. i miss his presense. i'm just so confused.

[emsyfran]

I know exactly how you feel about the difficulties of staying friends, I have the same worry myself with my relationship which is almost over. The only way I can really deal with break-ups is by actually not seeing that person again - I know it sounds childish but forgetting that they exist. I hope you're ok, I'm in a tough situation too at the moment.

[Centaur]

Hi,

Sometimes we make mistakes... I know that I have needed space in my life (when things have been chaotic or bad things have happened) & I have taken some time away from a partner...

However, having been given the space I appreciated it & we got back together... I am not saying that's always the case but relationships are also about growing & sometimes we need to be "allowed" to grow. What makes it truly special is when (after the growth) that person still chooses to be by your side.

Maybe the time away (& as you say it's happened before) will do you both some good... But you have a life to live meanwhile.. Hobbies/friends to catch up on, try to fill your time. You also said that he said "he's not ready to talk about it just yet" YET could mean he eventually will!?

But I do stress - you have a life to live... Maybe contacting him just now is what your soul wants - but it's also a good time to build yourself up again. You sound like a deep & wonderful person - take the time to get to know yourself more... maybe do your growing (& I don't mean to intimate you need to - we all grow all the time) but it boils down to this...

If he wakes up & misses you - he'll be back. If he doesn't hunny he's the wrong guy for you NOW...! Do you want to be with someone if they don't feel the same way?

I will keep my fingers crossed - be sure to update us! xx

[Pia]

I was in the same situation with my ex. At first it was hard to get up and when I got home from work, I just stayed in bed and cried. Eventually, I started going to the gym and took care of myself. He wanted to remain friends because I was the most important person in his life. I only let him email me once or twice a year. Now I'm happy with my man and it was too late for my ex to come back. The lesson I learnt is to love myself first. Don't blame yourself.

[Centaur]

The lesson I learnt is to love myself first. Don't blame yourself.

WELL SAID!

[P_1984d]

After breaking it off after 6 years and leaving you totally heartbroken, he doesnt wanna talk? WTF! Its the least he can do for you! That will hurt you more. I was in a similar situation, only i was with my ex 2 years. He said it was over, he didnt wanna talk, it was 'just over'!!! I had to accept it. It wasnt easy, I didnt eat or sleep for months, I became anorexic and depressed, until my parents stepped in and got me some help. I had years of counselling, was hospitalised for my anorexia and I have to admit, yeah it was the hardest time of my life. Even worse than when someone you love dies. But time does heal a broken heart. Iam still not over my ex, he was my first love, I'll always be bitter about it. He Did leave me for someone else, he's now engaged to her I hear and it kills me. I will never fully get over it. I dont think I could be friends with my ex, it would hurt too much to see him live with someone else, have kids with someone else. I just dont wanna know things like that. I think talking is the least your ex can do for you.

If he wont talk, then maybe thats just the way its meant to be.
Maybe in time he'll realise what he's lost.
All the best

[Desire]

My 2 cents:

It's been my experience, that you can't go back to being 'just friends' with someone that you are in love with. I think that if it is indeed ended, you must cut all future contact with him.

Also, if after 6 years he doesn't want to talk ???? maybe ending it is best.

But also he may just wake up missing you too and possibly everything will return to how it was.

Time will tell I guess......in the meantime, keep busy, very, very busy..........and resist the urge to contact him.

[moonlit_mauve]

damn i typed n its all gone!humph, never mind
jus wanna say..ive been thro the same thing(more or less) and the first 2 days without him was hell,.... its not killing me as much coz he calls me once in a while,mails me n i know he likes me n i also know he wont get someone like so so i dont bother so much ...
n if ur man doesnt wanna talk abt it,let go.... cos eventually he'll realise what he's missing!
mean time pamper urself,go to the gym
exercise ,it helps u get over it in some way..it'll improve u self confidence,image..
its difficult but learn to move on(easier said than done) but theres no choice...
ive given up talking abt bot breaking the relationship coz i know he'd say the same thing ,that he needs someone more beautiful,blah blah n it wont work,other excuses...been with him for 4 yrs
u'd feel very insecure initially but do something u wanted to do for a long time but havent done it
hope this helps
-moonlit