The phone call

[Timber]

If anyone remembers my previous posts I was asking whether it was worth trying to be honest with my ex in order to clear things up.
I've decided to give it an attempt, but after five months it will be hard to get her to meet me in person.
I understand things better now, but she'll remember me as the confused ex she left. She'll assume i've nothing new to say.

I dont think I can explain things in a letter, as its so deeply personal it would hurt me not to get a response.
Also, after five months i've probably become a caricature in her mind. By sitting across from her I can remind her of who I actually am.

I only have one chance to ask her on the phone, its easy if she's not convinced to just say no, at which I can't ever call again. Therefor its important to do it right.

But saying "I want to explain things" or "Its important to clear things up", dosn't give me the impression of actually working.

So heres the question: If you have somone in your past who has hurt you or made you angry, what could they possibly say on the phone that would make you curious enough to meet them?

I'm starting to wonder if anything will work, which should be a sign not to try, but I think clearing things up will benefit us both.

Any ideas?

[StraightMale]

Apologize specifically, concisely and meaningfully for what you feel you did wrong. Don't try to explain it in any terms of what she did,

Don't expect anything from her or of her.

Ask her if she's getting along OK but don't try dragging out the conversation.

So long as the conversation goes well and she's not showing too much anger, ask her if she'd mind if you called her another time. So long as you don't get a "no", call her back about 4-7 days later and take the relationship from a fresh start.

[andy1984]

Hi mate, my name is Andy, I'm currently in the predicament you faced at the end of January (and beginning of this post) as I have just read from your phonecall post.

I have been split from my ex girlfriend for nearly 5 months and I really want to make a go of it again, but its how to call her again especaially as it is out the blue after such a long time.

I wanted to ask, is there any particular words you said or tips to use when you made that initial phonecall.

Many thanks

Andy

[andy1984]

Can anybody else give any hints or pointers on things to say in the conversation?,
Just to have some female opinion would be great, especially on what you would like to hear if you were in my ex's shoes.
Just some tihngs to say to break the ice.

Many thanks everyone

[vicky5579]

I have been in my relationship with my b'friend for neally 2 and a half years and about a year ago he found out I had been cheating on him.I don't know why I did it at the time and I still don't know to this day why I did id,coz I have regretted it every day since then. At the time all I kept saying was I was sorry,which I know was not the answer. I really regret what I did and I can not say sorry enough times for it, but I'm glad I'm with him still after every thing I did. The day it all came out, when I saw the hatred in his face, was when I really realised what I had done and realised how much I hurt him, and that's what hurts and upsets me,to think I've hurt him so much,for some stupid thing that I wish I never had done.This all happened about a year ago and I know he still thinks about it,which is understandable,all I know now is I will never do this again,and I know it will take a long time for him to trust me. As each day goes by, I love him more and more and am so happy I am with him,but wish I had thought about this at the time.
All I can say is,what ever the sitaution is, be honest with your b'friend or g'friend,what ever it is. Do not hurt the person you really care about. It is better to be honest, than to loose the person you really care about, just because you can't be honest with them.
Honesty and trust is the most important thing in a relationship......

[preciosa]

I would suggest not to talk. But to send her a letter through the post.

Sometimes when the person you love has been hurt by you, it is difficult for them to be keen to listen.
It happens all the time to my fiance and myself....we love each other deeeply....but when we argue, hurt the other, when we are bad...then obviously....nobody wants to listen anything.

A letter will get her cusiosity, I think she will open it and read carefully whatever u have to say without interrupting all these things u need to express.

Be honest, and why not starting by telling her all your feelings 1st to smooth....then go for that part that is more complicated giving some explanations and in the end...I´d suggest to apologize widely, ask for a new chance or opportunity (in her terms, if u have failed b4) and ask her to let u know if she´s keen to receive a call from you...

Sometimes letters...are more intimate than a phone call, they can be kept there for years and also you will know whatever u write....better be serious!

Good luck!

[fan]

i agree with the above post dont call write.............might take a few attempts but put down everything you want to say as on the phone its too easy to miss out the bits you dont want to confront..................think if you done something bad she might not want to meet you anyway and least then the ball is in her court she has time to consider what you say shes not put on the spot

[andy1984]

I brought it up with my parents again, and they said to strongly leave it, don't get me wrong I'm feeling good about things, I just have this urge to clear the sourness, and she has also been asked to one of my mate's 21st birthday, I dont know whether to drop a text and ask her, at least a response from there confirms that I could ring her later on.

So, if you were heartbroken by a man who split with you cos of your mum's involvement and you've tried to bridge the gap, what would you expect to read in the text message?

Many thanks