Being single after 10 years...

[Tracey]

I would like some advice on being a single parent after splitting up with partner of 10 years. I met someone I like but feel he is freaked out about me having a child. His problem I know but it got me thinking as to how it all works when you meet someone you like and how do you go to the next step.

How long do you see someone before introducing them to your family? And do you introduce them as a friend first or tell child right off that there is a relationship going on? I have a seven year old daughter who used to me having male friends but worry about confusung or upsetting her.

All thoughts welcome.

[Gilly]

It's difficult isn't it. I have a seven and eight year old and have learnt that they now come first.
The first thing I think to me would be, if the guy is feaked out by you having a daughter, then he may never accpet her! he may simply want you but not her in his life. Your daughter has to come first, if he is freaked out, don't worry, there are men out there who will accept her and you.

My sister was left on her own with a small child and another on the way, and within months a lovely man entered her life and is a good dad to them both. They now have 3 children. My advice would be to be wary of this new gent and do not rush into anything just yet. If you have just come out of a 10 year relatiohship, then your daughter is also going through these processes of change. she made need time to get used to the old partner not being around.

I came from a background where my mother married a man who in the end, only wanted her and not me, or the other two when they came along. Things went alright at first because he wanted to make an impression, but when the dust settled and he got his feet under the table, that's when the trouble began. And believe you me I lived 14 years of hell, my mum didn't know one half of what went on. Make sure the person you find accepts her and is ready for some responsibilities.

Your daughter is now seven and so would have heard of boyfriends and girlfriends and this is how you could talk to her when you have met that person. Intoduce a new person slowly, for both the prospective partner and for you daughter to get used to the idea.
I hope some of his helps

A friend

Gill