Wow

[Davelll]

Hi came across your web site on the net was wondering if you could help, I dont really know what to put but erm I think ill write whats happened, Ive recently split with my girlfriend after 5 years together we didnt live together but we were together 24/7 every night I spent round her house im 21 and shes 20. Things have been going wrong for a while with me not feeling the same for her anymore but I really do still love her so much and im sure she felt the same as she told me lots of times although I think she felt I took her for granted as shed often take me work and drop me of at home but I always thought she was fine with this as I told her many times she didnt have to take me anywhere. What happened was last week she sent me a txtd message saying she wasnt coming round as she couldnt be bothered and that she felt ill, I was annoyed at this as Ive felt weve been hardly seeing each other at the moment so I didnt reply she then sent me a txtd thurs saying see you really care bout me im fine now thanks I didnt reply as Id been working nights and was still annoyed. When I arrived at work at 9 I had a txtd message from her saying I think we should have a break and that I needed 2 sort myself out and that she loved me more than anything and that it wasnt over. I agreed with the break as I feel I needed time alone as we spend so much time together I then told her id miss her loads and that I loved her she txtd back saying she needs 2 know what I want out of the relationship and that were not getting any older and we need 2 start saving. I replied by saying that we were only young and that we should be out having fun and thats the last I heard from her till Saturday night were I txtd her asking if it was over and she txtd back saying she thought it would be best. I was really upset and kept ringing her but she wouldnt answer and kept putting it through to her answer machine I left loads of voicemails saying I wasnt happy ending it like this and that I loved her loads and id do anything for her I got no reply all night until Sunday were she sent me a txtd message saying she knows im not happy but she wants to split up and shes been thinking of it for a while and that I cant change me? She eventually picked up the phone and I told her I wasnt happy that I know things havent been write for a while but we no where we were going wrong we never went out just sat in and it got boring. I told her I loved her more than anything and didnt want us to split up I also told her I thought about marrying her often she just seemed quite she could tell I was upset about it but she just kept saying she needed to sort her life out and that I needed 2 move on and start going out and having fun which is what I told her! She wouldnt come round to speak to me and since last Wednesday morning Ive not seen her I keep sending her messages saying I miss her lots and that I love her but she doesnt reply. I rang her Wednesday as we said on Sunday that shed come round to talk but she never did so I rang her she answered and I again told her how I feel and wanted to speak 2 her all she said was that shes gave me her reasons for splitting up and that theres nothing to talk about and that she was meeting a friend in a pub and going out and having fun. This really upset me as all I want to do is speak to her face to face but she wont even do that I feel as if I meant nothing to her and im starting to get angry that she hasnt even got the decency to speak to me after 5 years together I thoughtd thered be a lot to talk about. Im so confused on what to do lost most of my friends after being with her for so long and shes in the same situation. Ive got a lot of stuff round her house still as Ive not felt like picking it up iv told her a few times id come over during the day when no 1s in and pick them up hoping to get a response out of her but nothing, I know things werent right for a while but I always thought she loved me more than anything and her txtd messages on Thursday night she told me that. Im feeling really low and hurt at the moment as I thought id spend the rest of my life with her. She did say wed speak after a while but I feel as though shes avoiding me and thats why she wont come round as I think she knows ill try and changed her mind which I probably will try and do as I feel its worth fighting for I dont know whats up with her as shes never usually as cold as this. I dont know whether to give her time im trying to stop txtd her and Ive not spoke since Wednesday just feel so hurt that she can just move on so quick and the fact shes not even spoke to me about it. A few friends have told me that if I leave her a bit then shell get in touch after a few weeks but im really scared she wont, and that ill never see or speak to her again. I dont know whether to pick my stuff up as I feel once Ive done that then its defiantly over. I think Ive told most of the story ill be really grateful if you could reply to this message thank for reading it
Looking forward to your reply

[Sal]

boy. That was a lot of reading.

Anyway, your friends are right. Leave her alone for a bit. Right now she's getting a taste of the 'single life' but it wont take long before she realizes how much she really misses you. Don't think she doesn't care. She does. You've been together for 5 yrs and no one just up and forgets someone after that long.

This sort of thing happened to me before but I was on her end. When I was 24 I was with a guy for 2 years (not as long as your relationship but bear with me) We'd lived together for a year and things were going sour. He didn't seem to give a crap about me and would never talk about our problems we were having so I finally told him I wanted him to move out. Out he went and then the 'stalking' began. He called all the time, he left notes on my car, he came by my place...sometimes being nice sometimes being not so nice. He drove me nuts until finally he decided to leave me alone. I went out with my friends and had some fun for a few weeks and then, after not hearing from him, I started to miss him again. After we'd been broken up for about 3 months and I hadnt heard from him much at all during the last month, I called him. We both cooled off by then and finally talked rationally and decided to give it another go. Mind you, it still didn't work out but we had another year together and we still keep in touch 12 yrs later.

leave her alone and she'll come home, if you love something set it free, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that stuff.

in the end, if it's meant to be it'll be but forcing it wont help at all. Since calling and texting (a silly thing to do really, you should be talking face to face!) isn't working why not try giving her some time and some space. What have you got to lose?