Poor Sex

[Mad About It]

I recently discovered through a very off hand comment from my BF that he did not find sex very passionate with me. I asked him why he had not told me this before and he said it was because he did not want to hurt my feelings. I am quite a sensitive person, and I admit that I did take it very personally. I felt like I was a failure and that it was my responsibility for making the sex passionate.

We did talk about it and agreed that we could work on it. As far as I am concerned, I felt that sex in the past was good for me, although I have not always told him exactly what I would like him to do sometimes. I am actually quite shy about sex, and I guess that shows when we are having sex.

The feelings of failure are still with me. I want to try to rectify the problem, but I am now scared of trying to initiate sex for fear of failure! I do miss the sex and the feeling of closeness, but since our discussion about it, we have not had sex. I am worried that the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to get back into it.

I know I worry to much, but it is eating me up inside, and I just felt like I needed to get it out in the open and hope that someone had some words of advice to offer!

Thanks

[TURTLE]

THIS SOUNDS REALLY DAFT BUT HAVE YOU TRIED GETTING YOURSELF OFF IN A MIRROR? WATCH YOURSELF, DONT BE EMBARRASED, AND GET TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOUR CAPABLE OF, THE QUICKER AND YOUNGER YOU DO IT THE BETTER IT WILL BE, THAT SAYING "IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW" KIND OF SAYS IT ALL FOR ME, MASTER IT WHILE YOUR YOUNG YOU NEED TO GET OVER THE SHYNESS AND RELAX, TRY SOME MASSAGING FOR LENGTHY TIMES WITH LIGHTS REALLY DIMMED AND CHILL OUT BEFORE YOU START, DONT MAKE IT A HABIT BUT HAVE A DRINK OR 2 WITHOUT HIM KNOWING AND RELAX

[artsy]

I agree with Turtle. I used to be very shy when I was younger and I know I was bad in bed. My BFs didn't have to tell me for me to know. I was shy about showing my body and I was shy about doing anything that may be thought of as slutty. Since I've 'matured' I've become much more comfortable with my body, I know I'm sexy, I've done what Turtle said and I've watched myself masturbate
you have to be comfortable with your own body before you can be comfortable having sex. Don't take what your BF said as a bad thing, take it as constructive criticism. You're not a failure or he wouldn't still be with you. He wants you in spite of your less than passionate love making so try to forget the negative side of the comment and work on letting loose more. Be more open with him about what you like. If you start by talking openly about sex you'll eventually become more open with the act itself.

Let loose, Girl! Just forget about everything and let loose!

[Harry]

Good advice from the others and I don't know if this also helps, but you come across as someone that your bf has sex with rather than an equal partner (perhaps this is part of your shyness or lack of confidence). So I imagine he initiates and you respond.

If you really want to wow him start taking the inititative, think in terms of you f**king him, drag him up to the bedroom take his clothes off and tell him to lie down, take him in your mouth and bring him to the boil then go on top and ride him 'till he can't take any more. Mix that with taking the inititative a few times like when he gets home fling your arms round his neck and demand he takes you to bed, make this weekend a marathon where you catch up on all the missed fun, he'll soon notice the difference.

Try to be really enthusiastic even if you are shy and a bit down on confidence, after all you do have the advantage that your body can't really let you down so it's all in the mind.