Sex during pregnancy

[Alonso]

Well I've bottled this in for a while but have finally decided to let it out on here, just to put u in picture. I'm 26 and married with a 5 year old son, wife is 18 weeks pregnant. Our sex life has never been what shall i say fulfilling but since the pregnancy it is non existent. I have been patient and tried to be understanding, given her space and time. But it's got to the stage where we don't even touch each other. She has the odd bad day with aches and pains and try to back off and not say much but help round house and even give her shoulder and back massage to relieve pain. As soon as I make a sexual move ,i get knocked back. It's getting beyond frustration,what do I do.

I've tried to discuss my feelings and frustrations,and told her look I'm not expecting sex cos I understand, but a little foreplay wouldn't hurt you. I've suggested oral but thinks it's disgusting.

The worst bit is when I mention sex, she says I should just have a W*** or go out and shag another women. This is making me feel guilty,worthless.

When wife is pregnant , does that mean the end of sex?

Am I being unfair?

Am I missing something and not being considerate?

[great]

I'm sorry to hear your story, and i can tell, you are more then understanding. I'm pregnant now 24 weeks and we (thank God) have no sexual problems and all the books says anyway that is good for the baby( as uterus contractions massaging it).
If i would be in your situation i don't think i would react in the same way. Rejection does make you feel like you worth nothing and makes you feel insecure. Sorry to say that but your wife is selfish. A relationship between two people and is not suppose to please only one of them even though she is pregnant, she is not unable to move or something. IF she loves you she should look out for you, in every way or at least respect you as much to sit down and says what she feels not just say that you should go and W.... .. that's horrible. I don't know what i would do in your place. Keep waiting is frustrating and who knows if she will change or not. And your already are a family so you can't just walk away. But maybe if you make her feel a little jealous about something , maybe that would wake her up and sees what she got to loose.

[teog]

she doesnt love or respect you at all it sounds like

[johns-hunni]

In my last pregnancy it was hard for me to find the energy to get out of bed never mind make love! I suffered really bad aches and pains from early on.

However, I was looking after 2 children, one of which was under 1 year old. Pregnancy effects women very different, and cos she is not wanting to have sex, or let you touch her - it doesn't mean she doesn't love or respect you.

Next time she suggests you w*nk or sh*g other women make it clear that it is her you want, and you are willing to wait as long as it takes.

[grlnextdoor]

Try to be understanding. Your wife is going through a rough pregnancy aparently, and there's a lot of moodiness and feelings she can't really control. Would it kill you to just jerk off? I know it can be frustrating, and she's being a little mean when she says "go shag someone else", but she's probably just anoyed because she wants to be left alone.

This might or might not change while the pregnancy progresses. Her hormones are all crazy, and she might be begging for sex a month from now. Or she could stay the same for the rest of the pregnancy. Just be very patient with her, understand she's carrying your child and being pregnant is not the easiest thing in the world.

[Vampyrella]

Sorry to say that but your wife is selfish. A relationship between two people and is not suppose to please only one of them even though she is pregnant, she is not unable to move or something. IF she loves you she should look out for you, in every way or at least respect you as much to sit down and says what she feels not just say that you should go and W.... .. that's horrible. I don't know what i would do in your place. Keep waiting is frustrating and who knows if she will change or not. And your already are a family so you can't just walk away. But maybe if you make her feel a little jealous about something , maybe that would wake her up and sees what she got to loose.

To be honest I am HORRIFIED at some of these replies. Pregnancy for some women is extremely difficult where as with other women they sail through it without any complications what so ever. Why is it in todays society that if a man complains about his wife to other women, females will publically ditch or bitch about the the other woman. I find this appauling and disturbing.
Pregnancy alters your body entirely, not to mention the completey different hormones that are circulating through her body. The sex drive is governed by hormones and this massive increase affects every woman in different ways. Its absolutley DISGUSTING to say that she is being selfish, who in the hell are you to judge a woman who is pregnant and condemn her becuase she doesnt feel sexual towards her husband. These attitudes are Victorian and completely outdated.

Given time the poor woman may feel better about her pregnancy and her body and may be less tired which may improve her desire to have sex, it may not and Im afraid its just something that her husband is going to have to live through and support. If the only worries he has over this pregnancy is having sex then it says a hell of a lot for the relationship

[Alonso]

If the only worries he has over this pregnancy is having sex then it says a hell of a lot for the relationship

Now your judging me!

[Vampyrella]

Why dont you try talking to your wife about y our problem and whilst your at it, I would also tell her that you have posted on a forum for anyone to see, ok its . but Id tell her that your so pissed off about not having sex that you felt it necessary to tell strangers on a forum, see how she feels about that.

[hex]

There is a great chance Alonso finds some understanding from strangers when his wife will not give him any. She has to feel fine abt him dscussing it here since she already kindly advises him to go out and f*** other women. Talking this out with other people could hardly bother her.

[Vampyrella]

I would imagine she would be absolutley devastated. Personally I think this is something he should discuss with his wife, not the rest of the world. Everyone seems to be coming down on the woman here but I guess thats the nature of women. If another woman has a problem lets just F*** her off and give her no support what so ever.

This is a pregnant woman with hormones, she probably didnt mean what she said to her husband about screwing other women, hell Ive told my husband before now if he isnt happy with the amount of sex he is gettin go get it somewhere else. This is what happens when married couples disagree. I doubt very much she meant it, words spoken in anger at times hurt and get taken out of proportion. Her hormones will be all over the place and let anyone who has never spoken out here in anger cast the first stone.

I would think no one .

Sometimes I think men should be a little more compassionate towards their partners, were not all perfect, were not all the perfect meal on the table when you get home from work screw me as often as you like wives. Just stop comin down on this poor woman, she is pregnant, hormonal and probably cant stand the sight of her own body and she probably cant understand how her husband could either. Pregnancy does a lot of things with us and plays HELL with our emotions. Leave her alone and let the hubby try using some tact and understanding

[Alonso]

Calm down, if you read some of my posts on the other thread, I have explained things are working well, I should have been more patient and understanding. I don't want to continue a stupid war of words with someone who's not being understanding and stupid about a guy posting on a public forum - I thought that was the whole idea of forums to express feelings, share problems, get advice.

Thanks to all the others for being understanding and having a constructive opinion.

[lonelygirl2005]

Alonso,
I think that you are being very understanding with your wife. Yes, pregnancy affects each woman differently, but she needs to realize that sex is not just a want for you, it is a need. Just like she NEEDS you to show her affection, and if you didnt', she would feel upset, uncared for, and angry too. She may be to tired and achy to have wild crazy sex with you several times a day, but it wouldn't hurt for her to show her love for you with a bj once a week. Or even to let you cuddle her, kiss you back a little, then lie back and let you do all the "work". I have had difficult pregnancies where it was medically contraindicated for me to have intercourse, but out of love and concern for my husbands needs, I always made an effort to initiate some occasional sex that didn't involve vaginal penetration. I think that many women just don't "get it" that sex is an actual need for most men, just as many men just don't get it that affection is an actual need for women. IMHO, I don't think that you are being selfish or demanding, you are simply trying to fulfill your needs with the woman you married and love. I don't have a solution for you, but I do empathize!

[Alonso]

Alonso,
I think that you are being very understanding with your wife. Yes, pregnancy affects each woman differently, but she needs to realize that sex is not just a want for you, it is a need. Just like she NEEDS you to show her affection, and if you didnt', she would feel upset, uncared for, and angry too. She may be to tired and achy to have wild crazy sex with you several times a day, but it wouldn't hurt for her to show her love for you with a bj once a week. Or even to let you cuddle her, kiss you back a little, then lie back and let you do all the "work". I have had difficult pregnancies where it was medically contraindicated for me to have intercourse, but out of love and concern for my husbands needs, I always made an effort to initiate some occasional sex that didn't involve vaginal penetration. I think that many women just don't "get it" that sex is an actual need for most men, just as many men just don't get it that affection is an actual need for women. IMHO, I don't think that you are being selfish or demanding, you are simply trying to fulfill your needs with the woman you married and love. I don't have a solution for you, but I do empathize!

Exactly summed up most of my feelings and needs. Things have changed alot since I orignally posted this thread, she's now 20 wks and having alot of pain and aches so I've totally backed off and haven't brought up the subject again but still feeling the frustration now and again,oh well life goes on.........

[Juicy Lucy]

she might not feel great about her changing shape. with my first i had a tiny bump, and i quite liked the novelty. this time i was a lot bigger. normally i'm pretty skinny, so it was a big change and at first i wasn't sure i liked it. as i got bigger i started tolove it tho. mix that with aches and pains and feeling sick and tired. it doesn't help you feel sexy.

some women go off sex totally while pregnant some are hornier than ever. in my recent pregnancy, sex was off the cards for the first 3/4 months, then i was as horny as hell! she might start to enter that phase soon.

but like others have said, she might not and will just need you to be loving an affectionate. i know it's hard for you, but the pregnancy won't last forever, and what you'll get at the end is worth a year or so's sacrafice. it''ll come back.

[5AM]

pregnancy can be a very pleasant experience for some women but can also be a very horrible experience.

Hormones run riot and aches and pains can make even simple things a chore to do.

Do let us know how things are going now?