how did you get your man to propose

lisab · Guest

I know exactly how you feel. I thought I was totally alone. Im 25 and I have been with my boyfriend for about 5 years now. We own our house even have the joint bank account yet he wont propose.

It really getting me down now. 5 years is along time. We have everthing together and do everything together. He says he wants to be with me forever so I cant see what the problem is and its not money.

Ive come to conclusion that it can only be me. He just cant love me enough to do this. He knows that I want to get married yet everythime it has been discussed he just says "We dont need to do it why change things?" I try to pretend im not bothered but it does bother me and I let it show sometimes. (I cant help it - im sure you guys out there know what I mean)

Its not that I want a big wedding or anything I would be just as happy to do it in Vegas! Its about what it means for me.

I think I am going to put a time limit on it. I deserve better than this. I have been the devoted live in girlfriend for long enough now. I am no longer going to torture myself watching endless episodes of Nick and Jessica in Newlyweds. If Im good enough to live with then Im good enough to marry.

Hope everything works out for you guys.

sab · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 09 Sep 2005 Posts: 3

Dear LisaB - I feel for you, but perhaps you should tell your man how much marriage really means to you - he may not realise that to you it is important. My man asked me to marry him over a year ago, I said yes & then he went on about what I thought about marriage ethically - I said it was important etc & asked how he felt & he said he didn't care either way. Funny thing is the subject never came up again & I didn't want to pressure him (aren't we all SO nice..) I finally asked him last w/end why he asked about marriage over a year ago & never mentioned it since. He said he thought I'd said no at the time... huh? either he's not being honest, he's plain nuts or the worst listener ever. But he swears that's what he thought I was saying - men do have a problem listening. After lots of talking and tears (mine) he said that it would be nice to marry & he felt that I would like a 'nice' proposal. I agreed, but said I was confused & didn't want to 'pressure' him - he said no-one could force him to do something he didn't want to do - but that marriage would be nice. SO... still no proper proposal or wedding date & no more discussion & I don't know how long to wait to bring it up again or not... Has anyone worked out why men are so crazy? He swears he loves me & would do anything for me - but I don't know - have to wait & see I suppose...

sab · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 09 Sep 2005 Posts: 3

Hi everyone - just wanted to let you know that my man has proposed!!! I mentioned in an earlier post that I had talked to him about it etc etc & he proposed two weeks later. He took me out for dinner & mentioned a family function we are hosting next month & asked if I'd like it to be an engagement party as well & would I marry him... We went ring shopping the next morning & he seems as excited as I am & is busy planning and organising the reception... I think it is important to let them know how we feel if they seem to be taking their time, because sometimes men just don't realise how we feel about marriage & they are not mind readers... good luck to everyone who has contributed to this forum.

Kit798 · Guest

OMg.. sounds exactly like me... i try so hard not to say anything for awhile, until i am overwhelmed and finally say something..
so funny that we all seem to feel the same
thank goodness i am not alone..
so Ladies...
How long do we wait for?
Does anyone else have a date in your head, and then it passes and you say.. ok, after this date then i will make a desicion if i should wait longer???
AHHHH

Gigi · Guest

Hello Ladies,
Still waiting .... after 5 years together for a ring.
But, I am off point, I was talking to a friend of mine, and she was telling me the way her (now husband) never wanted to propose, or get married the whole thing.... just cause it was wayyy too much work and effort. But he genuinely wanted to be with her and now that he is married, loves it! Here is my question:

a) Do you think some guys genuinely want to be with a woman for good, but could just not be bothered with the proposal and wedding effort. I know how hard it is to get my S.O to do something that will take effort-I would have to remind him (nag) him very often.

b) A guy who really and truly cares for you will go beyond this to make an effort to propose and marry you.

ms_psycho_sexy · Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2005 1:31 pm Post subject:

Well, have you narrowed down when you want to get married at all? We decided when we bought a house together (April 04) that getting married summer 2006 would be nice. So I waited for the proposal, and I waited, and in August I just said to him "if we wanna get married next summer we had better book a venue now as they will all be fully booked otherwiese" lol! So we found a really lovely venue and booked our wedding (all the Saturdays had gone so we are gettignmarried on a Friday!) and voila! 2 weeks later we got engaged Very Happy

Sam7again · Guest

Wow I wish it was that simple for me! I started posting on this site a few months ago and just so you know I'm still waiting! I do think that if a man really wants to marry you he will ask. I guess there are some lazy fellas but I'm sure that once they know how their other half feels about it they would make an effort if it was also what they really wanted. At the end of the day they don't ask because they either don't want to or they are just not ready to do it.

I have started looking at things differently recently. I am not in any hurry to get married. What is really on my mind is the having children part - as I won't be able to do that forever! I have decided that ideally I would like to try for my first child in 4 years. That is my ideal timescale. I have told my boyfirend that and he has said that he is totally happy with that (in fact he would like children sooner). I have pointed out that I am not prepared to have children unless I am married and he totally agrees. So the deadline is that we must be married in 4 years. The immediate pressure to ask the big question is off him and I know that (if he keeps his solemn promise) things will eventually fall in to place in the way I want them too. I suppose if there is still no proposal after 3 years I will start to worry again and reconsider my options, but 3 years is a long time away! I feel so much better for changing my way of thinking and I feel like I have regained some control. I think I was kind of being swept away by the whole urgency to get married because of all of the weddings I have attended recently. For the time being I am happy and am making the most of the great relationship which I have!

robert two · Posted: Tue Nov 29, 2005 6:26 am Post subject: proposal

Ladies I am a male married 46 years.

The nicest thing in my life was. After I was married and had a little son.
Young lady in my past never knew I was married and PROPOSED TO ME.
I treasure that moment with all my heart.
My wife was not mean to her and they became good friends.
I do wonder where she is today.

My usual experience is girlfriend makes sure she gets pregnant to get marriage off the ground. But you want to marry first and that is how it
should be.

I like you women having negotiated the future.
Try negotiating for a proposal. Yes it is always nice if it is OUT OF THE BLUE

Evening · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject:

hi i think the key to any relationship is talking and asking where you want to be in twenty years. If he says im not sure ...then is he the right person for you. All I said was .that i want children early in life he responded and we have been married for a long time and still happy....

eve

robert two · Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 5:43 pm Post subject: marriage

You are a knowing person which is very good.

I am old male in SOUTH AUSTRALIA.

Yes first thing is to be able to talk things over. I said HAPPY NEW YEAR to the most compatable couple I have ever met last week. They never fallout or argue. They always sit and talk it over to protect each other as a UNIT. I promise to talk to either of them is a treasure.

LOVE is something most confuse with SEX. I once heard USA woman try to explain to her children that she LOVED DADDY MORE then them.
Another USA woman said OH NO childsren will never understand that till they are twenty. She said marriages fail because mother love their children and forget they have a husband. No you love your husband always in a totally different way to your children & then it works perfectly.

Having children early. I have two Australian women as example.
One said BY NINETEEN I had two babies & now I am a grandmother and can enjoy them. The other is a grandmother,BLOND, pretty, small, looks in her late twenties. Very lucky person got on with children real early & can enjoy being a GRANDMOTHER. Both are real charming with males.
The happy knack of wooing them into reality. Woomen will get marriage
sortted out just remember the SIRENS where men had to block their ears & eyes to pass the ISLAND or they never returned home again ever.

I hope that helps you.

Xarra · Guest

I was with my ex for 4 years, and got to the point where I asked him & he half-heartedly said yes. He wasn't ready. At all. And we were having problems, so in a way I suspect I wanted to marry him to stop myself leaving him...

I'm now with my fiance, after dating for 5 months, and we talked about it, decided together, picked the ring together and are very happy together... Smile

And now to plan a wedding...

Some guys just aren't ready, and some just are, some are waiting for this mythical 'right time'. When you fit together and it feels right, then you'll get asked. Smile

Sam7Again · Guest

Hi again,

I am pleased to say that my other half asked me to marry him a couple of weeks ago! After all my emotions over the last 12 months or so he took me completely by surprise in the end which was fantastic. I feel really lucky. We are both so happy and now starting to plan the big day. I just wanted to say a massive thank you to everyone who has posted on this site. It was great to have somewhere to turn to when I was feeling low. So I am proof that if it's meant to be, there is definitely hope. Good luck everyone!

Sugar · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 12:22 pm Post subject:

Hmnnn. I don't think there's any way to make someone propose to you. He has to want it and feel ready for it. All you can do is talk to him openly and honestly about your desires for marriage.

My fiance was the first to bring up the topic of marriage. He says it was love at first sight for him, and he knew shortly after we started dating that we would be married. I was more slow and cautious, and I had some fears about marriage. Once I let my guard down, I fell in love, and he began referring to me as his fiancee. Now I totally feel the same way. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. The decision to marry was a natural and peaceful progression in our relationship; that's how you know it's right.

robert two · Posted: Wed Feb 22, 2006 9:20 pm Post subject:

The issue of marriage is easy if you understand LOVE.
Take an old song. SHE HAD A DARK AND A ROVING EYE. well she was nothing but a pirate ship rigged up in a disguise.
YEAH get down to it is there intent to be equal to share or skim the surface for fun. OH yes to still in together is far more fun ask the female above if they are both most happy now.

lynniepoo · Guest

I am so shocked, happy, and sadden all at the same time to see so many women going through the same thing.

Well here is my story. I am 21 and soon be 22. I know I so youngbut right. Well I feel this way about it isn't promised to noone. anyway, i have been with my man for 6 yrs. we have a nice apartment, both are in college, and we have been through more than a young couple should.

We go through and do everything a middle aged couple go through and i want the title (wife).

we've talked about it but then he just bags out of the conversation.

I've been tempted to ask him myself but that would ruin it for both of us. so how can i hint to him without coming on so strong.