Thank You Marilyn King !

[Lena]

Not much to say today , sorry . Like everyone else has for moi yesterday was 'just another one of those days ' day . Wish I could say otherwise for the sake of this blog but thats just the way things happened and am not going to lie by making something up . The highlite of the whole last 24 hours was dropping in for a drink at a new bar .



Went running which felt good . Noticed lately am seeing more female then male joggers . Didn't wear undies under my tank dress which as always was fun . Went to he coffee boutique where the new dickhead manager told me since I was barefoot I couldn't stay inside but could sit at a table out front which was fine . Enjoyed looking at the people and cars going by . Went to work , wore the black cocktail waitress dress first doing the Concierge Lounge then bar . Nothing unusual in either . Had cocktail waitress Maggie whose nice but don't haven't made the same connection with her that I have with some of the other Irish women . Am sure that will change the more she work the bar . Then left ...................



On the way home stopped at a mini mart to pick up some fresh milk but before going in checked out the new bar that jut opened next door. Call it professional interest or my alcoholism that automatically draws me to any place serving drinks . Kind of strange someone wud be opening up a bar or for that matter any business with the country heading into a recession and maybe even a depression . The place has a retro theme of Vegas in the 1950's .Alot of brite lights and brass , the booths had overstuffed seats supposed to be leather but are actually plastic made to look leather .On the wall were photos Frank Sinatra and his rat pack along with Keeley Smith ( she was in THUNDER ROAD , the hillbilly GONE WITH THE WIND ) Tony Bennett , Louis Prima and Marilyn Monroe . along with copies of BILLBOARD hits lists from the 50's and early 60's & copys of posters with one showing a picture of SAMMY DAVIS Jr. complete with cigarette saying he will be playing at the SANDS HOTEL on new years eve 1957 with the show along with a bottle of champagne and a steak dinner costing $ 8 . The cd machine has a lot of retro sounds , when I was there heard DEAN AMRTIN'S ' THATS AMORE ' and PATTY PAGE'S 'HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW ' .Along with today's music to appeal to the Generation Y crowd management is aiming for .



For 1 AM the place was doing OK with about a dozen people all in their late 20's . One blond woman in a white business suit told me how she just loves the place . Met the owners who aren't geezers but 30 -40 somethings who were real nice . Thats pretty common in the bar business where being nice on the surface goes with the job . One guy was a lawyer who i think saw the club as a playground while his partner who said he'd been in radio and ohs dad owned a saloon do believe saw it as a business first . Got a fee drink , smiles ,and a invite to the big grand opening a week from today . Also told that while I am always welcome please wear shoes the next time I come in . The story of my life . When they found out I was a bartender they asked me to fill out a application with one joking I'd have to wear shoes though if I worked there since it's one of there major rules , as corny as that was and as big a sarcastic bitch as I can be it did seem funny at the time Hope the bar makes it .



As I left almost drove of without going into the mini mart to get milk . That's another story of my life, when alcohol appears I forget everything else . The owner was a from some place like India or Pakistan , looked bored & tired . Had a dvd on a portable player with all these women in saris running around dancing and singing in those high pitched voices that can sound as screechy as fingernails being dragged across a black board .


Back home saw the lites on in the penthouse , Fawn and John must have gotten back from there big vacation . Coming inside Fritz ran up to greet me while Agatha stayed sleeping . I was beat and just wanted to sleep but Fritz wanted to talk . Was meowing quite a bit , was either bored or had something important on his feline mind . . After getting him got undressed but he kept following me meowing . So to get him off my back opened up the milk and gave him some which he loved. although sound asleep only a few minutes ago Agatha suddenly appeared meowing for some milk herself so poured her some . Busy with there treats the critters left me alone to go to bed . Id like to think owing to gratitude woke up this morning with both sleeping at the foot of the bed .


Se the analyst later then work again . They have us doing a private party tonite for some insurance group . Going out the front door in a white baby doll top and off white capri pants. At work the black cocktail waitress dress& the same suntan support hose and black flats as last nite .

[Lena]

Will post later from work now off to tennis. It will be humiliating since I am so bad but still fun since tennis is such a great game .After playing maybe the steam room and lunch .

Will be sunny along with hot & humid here today . Typical summer weather here in Dixie . Thank the stars for air conditioning .

More later ............

[Lena]

Finally here, thought I could get back yesterday and get up a post but wasn't able too. The Concierge Lounge turned out to be busy keeping me occupied . .Can't very well play here with a roomful of guests around all wanting something . First it was a group of army people who were really whooping it up ( had to tell a GI Jane we couldn't have a chug a lug contest in the Concierge Lounge ) then a group of people killing time ( and a few bottles of champagne ) between the wedding ceremony and the wedding reception we worked later that nite .


Happy to say my legs are at last healing from the nicks and huge 'skeeter bites making moi a whole lot less self conscious about looking deformed /injured and we won 3 of 6 sets of tennis yesterday which is the best I have ever done making me feel fantastic . Just call me Martina ............. After that talked about it over and over including in the steam room and at lunch . Nice to win for a change !!!


Wore the black cocktail waitress dress at work last nite too, with Cassady ( in her daily new pair of shoes which were gold heels ) worked a 200 plus person wedding reception .This one stood out from the 40 or so wedding receptions I do every year since the couple were so nice and unlike way to any people I know and see at work looked ready for marriage . Both were around 30, the bride was a framer and the groom was a teacher. They were very happy going out of there way to thank every guest for coming and set a great atmosphere. If we ever can get married hope Karin and I can act the same ..............


Had my next to the last session with my analyst of 4 years Naomi last friday . Am going to miss her after all this time especially since she really helped me . For most of my life since first grade have been seeing some type of counselor but she's the only one that was able to help save me from myself ......... Even this morning as I sit here typing can feel the change she helped bring out and it feels wonderful .


I did some research and learned we Americans see counselors and take pills for psych conditions more then any other people on the planet . That was a surprise since I thought most people everywhere else were as crazy as we are . But that's not the case .One writer said it's since Americans expect to be happy all the time ,that's true too. Looking around for many even in the slums where I came up the attitude is everything is supposed to be good/fun most of the time . Another writer says it part of the self indulgence of Americans while another said it was a giant step forward , being a scienticfical response by modern medicine to psych issues that have bothered people since the days of Adam and Eve .Hmmmm................


Have to agree with the one shrink that wrote we Americans expect to be happy and when you can't be happy that can cause psych issues . He traced it back to the constitution that says we have the right to 'life liberty and the pursuit of happiness"' as if the constitution says happiness is automatic like all our freedoms and it 's part of being a American to always be happy .I think too a big part of the American dream is getting richer and happier every year with like on TV & in the movies a happy ending is always in site .


But don't think anyone's life goes like that , no matter how rich or poor you are you still have problems . And thats when people rush to the shrink and more often then ever also after that to the pharmacy for pscyh meds like some of the ones I've been taking since childhood . maybe it wud be best of we just didn't think we had to be happy all the time ?


Going along with that but alot more critical was another writers idea we're all spoiled expecting to get what we want when we want . Including happiness and /or psychological tranquility .As I read it got the idea the man thought we were all 30 million Americans were like spoiled children /rich housewives who always want there way . So many folks get all worked up when encountering either someone who doesn't see things like them or a situation they don't like .With many heading to the Doc's to cope with that horror . Can't believe we're all THAT bad , maybe schools should tell kids you won't always deal with people who see things like you and reality always has to dealt with no matter how much we'd like things to be ? To me thats much much needed real world/ real life education .


Finally looked at a few articles that praise psychotherapy , naturally written by professors of psychiatry medicine . Immediately moi thought about writing a article praising bar tenders . The basic point was that mental health issues are nothing new , I learned how mental health medicine was invented way back in the 19the century by Sigmund Freud in Europe . And is very very much needed . Didn't have to see that to know it's true , there's serious mental illness on both sides of my family . My dad's mom was a paranoid schizophrenic ( who they think murdered a retarded daughter ) and for the way he lived his life ( including the hate he sent my way ) now understand my dad was a insane .Like how Doc's developed specialty's such as dermatology and pediatrics to treat special areas they also came up with a new one for mental health .


Although moi sees the points of the other writers these two men 's ideas hit home . Psychology is no magic wand but it is form of medical progress and helps millions including me ............. It was mostly Karin's idea although deep down inside moi knew she needed it being sick of so much of her life and feeling doomed . Have to hand it to Karin for giving me a chance and her tough love. We both had a strong attraction to her but my rep as a lying cheating 'ho and basic anger/wise ass attitude bothered her . So like stop ping smoking for her ( OMG was that hell ) I agreed to see a shrink. She's a great believer in psychiatric medicine having been seeing one for years and being able to clear up alot of anger and shame issues and maybe hardest of all deal better with her perfectionist /never happy mom . .I was of course willing to do ANYTHING to keep her


Luckily we found Naomi who was a 60 something psychiatric social worker . Round with her gray hair in a ponytail and mostly in pants or these long granny skirts often in Birkenstocks too . Think she was one of these hippies back in the 1960's . We got of to bad start . moi missed the first appointment and while friendly enough she pressed the issue while past counseling ( pretty much from 1st to 12 the grade ) and after a bad drug OD at 18 and practically dying of anorexia at 21 hadn't helped .Wondered if she thought I wasn't serous about therapy or was a psycho who couldn't be helped .? But then within maybe 3 months it got better . There were times like when she'd press the issue about me being exhibitionist in short skirts and the time I showed up in a old white body leotard that you could see my nipples thru ) but we seemed to be making progress.


Won't get into all that much detail but we manged to bury alot of ghosts that were bothering me . Including some insane things that went on at home that I see weren't really my fault but instead went back to my mothers total incompetence as a mother and human being .As I talked about them could see the disgust and revulsion ( new word ) on Naomi's face and later the site psychiatrist when he heard too .Also great in dealing with daily crisis's ...........like when I was accused of being part of a prostitution/drug ring at work and could shake with fear when 2 brothers I know were off to war . Think I wud have gone insane if Naomi had not been there during the trouble we had a while back too.


Naomi too is also why I am here at FF . After talking about how I have no trouble being wild and superficially friendly but want to be able to really talk like a adult she told me to find a place where I can learn to express myself and get more confidence about doing that . So that nite seeing a link to a post about lesbianism ended up here..............


The big thing was taking on my demon . That being the fatalism about myself I got mainly from my father that has ruined so much and caused so much trouble for me . That took years ! For awhile I thought It was something I could never get past , like having next to no breasts and chicken legs being part of me .But my miracle worker wudn't give up . She had me looking at many things like what a colossal fool my father was , how somethings I had put work into like being basically clean ( although am still a alcoholic although not as big a one as before with no drunk driving arrests & accidents ) , saving money , having some good friends , and Karin all had worked out .We went over that over and over , one session was identical to another . Then one day woke up seeing how if I could get past that fools poison in my mind I could be a real human with hope . And thats where I am so lucky to be at today ! Funny how the devil just whimpered off............


Plan to write something like that to Naomi and get her a dozen yellow roses for next friday . Posted in MEMEBRS CHIT CHAT about my choices for a new analyst , some interesting replys . Haven't decided yet but may try going on my own for awhile . Managed to grow up in the slums and not get pregnant or shot so should be able to live thru daily life for at least awhile without a shrink .


Heading out in a white peasant blouse with under the shoulder sleeves with a lite turquoise with a black print gypsy skirt .At the country club there uniform of a white blouse, Kelly green jumper dress, nude garter stockings and brown flats .

[Lena]

New post tomorrow ..........just made a big entry in the regualr blog area .

My day off...........no uniform !

Today in white T shirt and pink gym shorts with white piping

[Lena]

A actual post , for better or worse.

Really didn't have the time for one yesterday since I put up a big one in the regular blog area . Basically my spin what still is the Chandra Levy murder mystery in DC with a unique personal perspective. mainly like Chandra my involvement with a older man . Looking at it just now should have thrown in how a friend of mine married a guy from there who was also alot older but there's was a happy ending . They are now very happy complete with 3 kids too. DC is wonderful place, along with many interesting things to see & people from all over America there's alot of energy and you can tell so much goes on there . Not just in the halls of power but in the bedroom since power & sex go together ...........


Chandra saw herself as a winner in life but really wasn't . Had a great start coming from money and being pretty but it all came crashing down . Seems she expected to automatically get hired as a CIA or FBI ( as if those jobs are as easy to get as counter help at BURGER KING ) and marry her entire generation older cockhound congressman bf then start a family . Don't know if she wud have been able to waltz into a big bucks high prestige federal job but do know as far as the congressman went it was bound to end in disaster .He was only using her like his kind of penis person do with women . Poor Chandra didn't have a clue but was looking ahead at a broken heart and a whole lot of pain . But it got worse, when out in the gorgeous Rock Creek Park in downtown DC she ran into a killer...............


The economy here is very bad . Thank you george bush jr. ...............a useless war in Iraq we lost and seems like we're losing in Afghanistan , gas at over $4 a gallon , a depression in housing , and this huge economic slowdown . You hear alot of economic news on the tv and radio but there's nothing like seeing signs of it first hand to let you know things are bad and only getting worse . Yesterday when we were out saw more and more proof of it all . There are 3 houses on our block that have been for sale for over a year . They just sit there with the for sale sign in front with no possible buyers seeming to come by to check them out . Not far from was a cute little toy store that we saw suddenly went out of business, four of the spaces for stores in the 5 shop building are now empty and that looks soooo depressing . At the coffee boutique heard a guy say he was just let go from his job since business is so slow . Even in the car heard how the Ford plant which already has fired so many people is now going to cut a whole shift..........


The sad Chandra story and economic decline here notwithstanding moi had a nice day off yesterday doing nothing special . Just hanging around doing errands and going for a long walk in the rain . Feel more relaxed and happy today as a result . Sad to say the rat race starts again later when I have to go into my pt job at the country club . No sooner then I chill then the time comes around again to go back into work . I really envy people who have 2 full days off .and hope someday to be like them too..........


For most of the day it was cloudy along with being hot & humid . Really not the kind of whether you want to be outside in . Then after the rain began like excited childrens we ran outside to go for what turned out to be almost a 2 hour long walk . Part of me feels very brave being outside with the water coming down on me . Like I am braver then most people . I also feel freer since no one is around , we can hold hands and kiss without worrying about setting off some religious fanatic . Best of all I get so calm ,that is unless I am dodging being splashed by water after a car has just driven thru a puddle .


We're going to try to get in some tennis this morning , as usual Karin will walk all over me but thats OK . I bartend at the country club tonite since Carlene is taking the nite off. Should be a nice change , always have liked bartending better then waitressing too.


Todays attire will be ............. a square front dress with spagetti straps thats a brite lime green with a white floral print we got at the ' hijacked truck sale ' along with at work there uniform of a white blouse, Kelly green jumper dress , nude thigh tops and brown flats ..................

[Lena]

Ooops I got someone in trouble but after saying that am able to bounce back and be in a good mood . Call me complicated .Or maybe better yet a airhead who doesn't know whats important or a plain narcissist ( was diagnosed as a narcissistic personality at 16 too ) who doesn't care about others.


By accident got our neighbor Steve the rail police in trouble at work .I felt terrible when he told me . But happy to say except for some teasing at work there seems to be no real harm .Also got some good news about other things had a interesting time enough last nite working at the country club , and we're looking at huge rain storm here today !!!


I asked Steve to check into what happened one nite the other week in our neighborhood . Wrote about it here , something really wild went down with plenty of screaming cop cars one nite it seems the neighborhood was crawling with cops which is very unusual for this part of town . A bunch of police cars and a ambulance were at old wood house up the block . The next morning when I went jogging a bunch of the yuppys and middle age empty nesters who live up there were all out looking as movers under the watchful eye of a few plain clothes cops emptyed out the house . Some of the people were talking about how the nite before there were all sorts of polices with black hoods over there faces running round with automatic rifles too.Thats not strange at all in my old neighborhood ( ehard on tv someone got shot down there last nite but will live) but not here in our gorgeous area. .........


Got me curious , but when I called the police they first said they had no info then the second time it was 'routine training " .Sounded fishy so I asked Steve upstairs to check with out with some of his cop buddys at the metro police. Didn't hear anything from Steve till yesterday and was absolutely shocked .While not paniced he was a little uspet too. He di make some calls and got nothing .Then to his total shock when going into work had to go into the bosses office to find some big rail police guys and 2 federal cops who were hyper curious about why he was asking questions .Steve said they treated him like a suspect pressing the issue about something that he should not have known about since he was at work when it happened . Also wanted to know why he's a member of a gun range since he can shoot for free at the police range . Then he said they asked him if he ever went to a bar he told me was a known hoodlum place .


Steve said he kept his cool , went to the gun range with his sons who naturally can't use the official police range ( do love Steve a little goofy if you ask me since his oldest is only 8 , we start them with guns early here inthe south ) and had never been to the bar and had only asked about all the excitement in our neighborhood since he'd been asked by neighbors . He said he gave them my name and also John and Fawn upstairs who also asked . Said we all could get visits ...............


Steve said they seemed satisfied but wudn't give out much info on what had happened or why they were asking . Later his boss told him it involved some people in the witness protection program whose cover got blown and had to make sure Steve wasn't working for whoever they were hiding from .The rail police big shot also told Steve never to bring up the subject again . Telling me that Steve nodded his head with saying he wudn't , going "Thats for f*cking sure ". Steve knew he was out of the doghouse when his boss called him 'Captain Mc Clusky ' , the corrupt police in THE GODFATEHR who got shot eating meatballs.


Amazing really , we had people on the run living right down the street and didn't even know it . Only in America !! John of John & Fawn who can be a real hoot was joking that to avoid paid killers mistaking our building for where the people they were sent to kill lived and getting any of us we should have a big sign on the front lawn saying NOBODY IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM LIVES HERE . Not a bad idea..............


As we talked moi suddenly felt bad for accidentally getting Steve in trouble . all I wanted was info , not to get a good neighbor and however jocko -macho he is a good guy in trouble . In the past that wudn't have bothered me since I was so selfish but this time it got to me . Didn't really know what to do except for saying I'm sorry and hugging him .But Karin & I decided to make up for it so we went out and got him and his gf Ms . Dolores ( who looks alot like Miss Jane on the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES ) a gift card for 2 nites at the . not far away in Indiana. My curiosity got a friend in hot water and cost me $150..................


The good news today includes them catching that war criminal Radovan Karadzic over in Serbia . The tv says he was behind a mass murder of 8,000 men . Thats disgusting and do hope he gets executed or worst yet forced to marry my auntie Margaret ( Gaylord's mom ) who is a complete psycho . . No punishment is too hard for a savage like that When I saw him on tv with a long white hair and a huge white beard he reminded me of the really strange hillbillys I 'd see as a girl .They were weirder then us , stayed far back in the hills in what amounted to there own little world . Only coming into Louisa when they had too , always in what seemed to be a old rusted out car or truck to buy supplys including ammunition . Really was best to keep your distance from them ..............


Another piece of good news is about my slightly insane friend Leslie whose been having a rough time as a single parent since like moi she basically knows nothing about motherhood. It all happened kind of strange .She was at our friend Corvah's whose been giving her mothering advice and Corvah's cousin Sherette who is now a muslim calling herself Halima came by . Sherette/Halima told them how the muslims have parenting classes that most who go to find helpful . Despite having black friends , a black ex husband , and all sorts of close physical encounters with black people ( ) a non muslim ( as well as white and a redneck ) like Les obviously couldn't go to them . But then the 3 of them looked on line and found one at the YWCA where Leslie enrolled that same day .Really was great how the 3 of them came up with that , and even though she can be a huge idiot am soooooooo very very proud of Leslie !


Liked bartending at the country club , a nice break from waitressing . Although some may linger for hours only had one big drinker. Maybe rich people know how to handle the bottle then the rest of us , including me .I still can't sit down and drink until either the bottle is empty or I am drunk /passed out Or as I often think many of the people there are too afraid of embarrassing themselves by drinking to much in front of the other rich folks .

The rain is coming and plan to go for another big walk in it . Today in a red T shirt and white gym shorts . At work tonite the penguin suit and orthies ..................

[Lena]

My life is so interesting lately , first learning we had neighbors in the witness protection program and now the hotel will be filling up with celebrities for the big Forecastle Festival .I may get a stress headache from all the excitement ...............


The Forecastle Festival is a big outdoor concert on the river over this week-end . Good music and a save the world theme too. Always exciting with all different kinds of music too . Something for everyone , from GZA to the Del McCoury Band . Some of the performers as well as one of (((THE))) Kennedy family who organized it are staying where I work too. Hmmm hooking up with a Kennedy with all there money and power and money is a real interesting idea , I suddenly hear opportunity knocking . Maybe M'linda Lena Mrs. Robert F . Kennedy Jr.?


Worked in the penguin suit last nite but skipped both undies and socks for fun . Going commando really has me feeling so free and comfy , maybe again toady even though I'll be in the black cocktail waitress dress ? . Had cocktail waitress Maureen with me , she's a good worker and wudn't snitch on me for having a few drinks over the shift . . The usual crowd of business travelers and army people too . Poured alot of beer and whisky . Some sad and fun things thrown in over my 10 hour shift too.I guess that's all real life .


The sad stuff included hearing about how Christina the general manger's secretary being served with divorce papers at the job yesterday . That bit of nastyness coming only one week after she learned she was preggers. She left crying and who could blame her . Her hubby must be some guy ............... . Also saw some regular guests in the lobby who have always stuck out , a 40 something couple .The husband may be a little pudgy but the wife has always been huge , at least in the 300 pound range . Sad anyone wud ever get that big especially since with her shining blond hair and huge blue eyes she's very pretty . Last nite seeing them in the lobby noticed how she was much bigger, Bob in security who knows about these things put her at 400-500 pounds .It was kind of mean but we all laffed when Jesse the young and at times immature bellman on afternoons joked her luggage must be full of junk food . But we got the idea her weight may be do to more then just liking to eat too much and too often . Bob said there in the lobby she kept her husband and another couple standing around for about 20 minutes while she talked away sometimes at mile a minute speed to someone on her cell phone .Bob also said later in the family restaurant she had the 22 ounce steak ( something I have known plenty of macho type & fat men order but have never heard of a woman eating ) while talking to everyone at the table and also again somebody else on her phone ................ bipolar ?


But happiness too. During the shift saw cocktail waitress Maureen and management trainee Zack talking away with mutual attraction definitely in the air . Nothing like the site of romance to perk me up She blushed when I asked her about whats going on ........... Also for the first time ina long time saw Mr. Dyson my favorite customer of all time . he's the col 60 something guy I 'd like to be either my real father or sugar daddy ( I know they contrast but bear with me since I have issues with men ) who is now in the horse business. Instead of his usual suit or sport coat he was in dressed down in a old Polo shirt and jeans & cowboy boots.Not the fancy expensive kind they wear for show but real working boots . With him were three Arabs he's doing business with . They all wanted our famous Louisville Mint Julep which I happily served up . Then they got into a big talk about one of Mr .Dyson's studs being shipped over to where ever there from .When they left Mr. Dyson left me $5 but better then that said good -bye with a cracked smile and nod with a little gleam in his eyes which is alot for those strong/silent types . . I almost swooned.....................


Today am going to the community pool to swim , hope there not too many children since with there noise and running around they can get in the way of relaxing . Also have to talk to Nikki and Meghan from the country club about a bridal shower for Carlene , I better get moving since she's getting married on Labor Day which isn't more then a month away .!


Today heading out in lite gray tank top and lite green but grayish canvas mini .At work tonite the black cocktail waitress dress , a white garter belt with nude stockings and MAYBE /MAYBE NOT undies ...........


copyright 2008 by MLJ. Copyrighting may seem a tad too much but don't want this amazing blog pirated .

[Lena]

Friday .................the end of the work week for many . Enjoy your week-ends , with globalization and maybe a coming huge depression we won't be having them much longer. I should stop now , economic news is very bad and I don't want to be a downer .


Like yesterday both good and bad things today . I guess that is real life. Bad stuff begins with my gf being upset about bad stuff going on in her family .Although nobody's life is perfect them having more then the usual amount of trouble lately .Moi is upset since a friend at work is leaving the company , the hotel won't be the same . BUT happy to say on the positive side yesterday got looked over by some good looking guys and just maybe an attractive woman at the coffee boutique and best of all am working on our vacation that starts august 4th . Can get almost giddy about it .

Karin was bothered by trouble with her people . Some of it new but some of it just flare-ups of already existing troubles .Do understand the concern but she can overdo the worrying it too since she has this often times VERY annoying streak of perfectionism . Starting with flare-ups of regular crap her sister called and is sick of being pregnant . Can't blame her for that ! After 7 months she wants to get it over ASAP ! Then after going thru that told Karin how her over grown mean little boy husband hit her last week and she caught him bragging to both his brother and a friend on the phone how he has a gf . Of course he's always hit her & messed around on the side but like a dummy Diane stays with him . She was hoping getting pregnant wud end his cheating & hitting too , DREAM ON !!!! Mothergrabbers like Matt NEVER change . For her part Karin was both angry at her brother in law and also at her baby sister for taking it as well as very frustrated since she can't do anything about it . Her cousin Cate who is the fool destroying herself also robbed there aunt and uncle . She went over to do wash like she has done here and the next day the auntie & uncle noticed the emergency cash they keep in a dresser and some of her aunties jewelry were G-O-N-E . No surprise to moi .


The major thing was finding her folks of all people have money trouble . They were never rich but real middle class. Unlike moi ( ) Karin never went hungry , went thru winters without heat , or had to settle for clothes from the SALVATION ARMY and then share them with her sisters . The parents had a nice 4 bedroom house , got a new car every few years , and went on vacations . Part of the problem is what her dad sees as unfair competition in the insurance business. Big national _ lcompanys like GEICO are undercutting independent local insurance agents like him . Then like for tens of millions of other people there's the recession . Things are slow . The main problem is paying there mortgage , they got the nice house 15 years ago when things were good . Now there having trouble keeping up with all the daily expenses and coming up with the rent .All this unexpected muck has Karin's dad very upset which is bad itself but worse in his case since he had stomach cancer . Karin's mom is REALLY bad off , she's the perfectionist 's perfectionist who can't stand any trouble anyhow and with all this sounds like she's going insane .


Moi's being patient . Karin and her sister in law are going to take her mom out for lunch to try to cheer her up .Don't know if that will make the mom happy ( nothing except vacuuming and scrubbing seems too anyway ) but at least ; Karin will feel like she's helping in some way .


After hearing all that moi was happy when Karin went to bed and I could get out . Went running then home to shower then hit the coffee boutique .Sat outside at a table covered by a huge green awning reading the paper. It was very nice but got nicer when I looked up to see some yuppy type guys looking at me . the mini came was mid thigh length and was hiked up higher letting hem know I was wearing pink bikini briefs. As usual I made a faint smile to suttely let them know I knew they were hawking then acted as if dint know I was being visually dissected or as Shoshana the radical feminist we know calls ' visually raped ' ( ) by those lust filled penis people . Also as usual made it a point to nonchalantly move my legs around and scratch the top of my right thigh , they had to have spotted the tattoo of the rose there.


Wore the black cocktail waitress dress ( and undies since I had enough sexual fun teasing the guys at the coffee boutique ) at work . As I snapped on the nylon thought how if I had been wearing them I could have had even more fun at the coffee boutique which wud have probably got those penis people to be rolling around the ground with lust . Maybe next time .................


At first worked the empty Concierge Lounge where I worked on our vacation . We settled for Boston & a island called Martha's Vineyard . We had shot for NYC , had dreams of seeing all the famous sites and even maybe being on TAXICAB CONFESSIONS and going to some place like the late STUDIO 54 and being very very very naughty : . But the company couldn't get me in a hotel there ( get 5 fee days at any property anyplace if there's room ) but since that wasn't possible we had to find some place else. At $300-35 a nite there's NO WAY we could have stayed at a regular hotel in NYC .


Going anyplace is fun and Boston and that island should be fun . We both have been there before but with men .Me with old bf Rusty who was from Fitchburg not far away and Karin with her ex husband Jack for one of his brothers wedding . We're calling this the MASSACHUSETTS TRIP : THE SAPPHIC VERSION .


not done.............back in a few hours .Someone is calling me for s-ex ............


BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't call it the pleasure bond for nothing Won't go onto too many details but very time I use a StrapOn I get a new appreciation for how much guys have to do during sex .


As I was saying before some one's body ( that she really knows how to use ) beckoned we'll be headed out to Boston and this island by it . Really wud like to take a look at NYC but this will still be fun . There's a lot of historical things to see and am looking on the www for any special things going on while we're out there. Am looking forward to seeing the Museum of Fine Arts and even Harvard University . You hear about that school so much and so many big experts on tv are from there really wud like to see the place. Maybe my IQ will jump up after seeing the holy land of American intellectual thinking . Boston and the island of course are on the ocean and moi always feels better around any kind of water too.


Heading to work soon . Today it's a yellow tank top and a white jean mini .At work the black cocktail waitress dress and nude garter stockings with black flats .

[Lena]

Saturday morning It's clear but you can tell the rain is coming , a big storm too. Moi is taking it easy , sitting here in a pink mini robe with a cup of coffeee.Not bad coffee either despite the fact that to make a pot had to sue coffee from two different bags . Those kinds of blends are always hit or miss.The air's on and the whole condo feels good too . Thank the heavens for air conditioning , our summers can get sooooo dam nasty being very hot with high humidity . We may be eroding the ozone layer but I'm comfy ...................


Saturdays at FEMALEFIRST have always been slow . I guess since people have the day off and are out having fun . It's one thing to log in from work on a week-day for fun but another thing to take away from precious week-end time . There exceptions of course like during flame wars which happen every so often . Can't see how anyone could get so worked up they'd give up there day off to spend in front of a monitor typing in insults. My blogs always do well on week-ends , wud like to think since I am so fascinating but have to think a big part of it is since there's not much else being put up . Oh well I still get read and that's whats important for me . Do hope my observations amuse everyone too.


The storys wud have been wilder had I been doing this blog when I was 20-21 and MUCH wilder/crazyer .Although that wud have been impossible since while I know next to nothing about computers now back then the only thing I knew was for them to work they had to be plugged in . Those were the days of the usual too much drinking and mega drug use along with very proudly being a cheating f*cking w.hore and at times being violent .It wud have come close to being FF's porn blog .Whenever I think of those days I start wondering how I even survived . At times it could be fun , that was the time of fun with a cocktail waitress from work named Marcy Lou and sometimes her husband Peter . Marcy Lou was gorgeous with her looks and very kinky personality going together . No blue eyed blond she had jet black hair , huge brown eyes , tan skin , and those huge 36 dd breasts I could only dream about having . Had a real lively , always up for fun (the dirtier the better ) attitude too. We did it everywhere like at at work ( the lockerroom , the storeroom , with some guest in there suite ) , her place, my place , and the woods during the rain . Her hubby was skinnyer then a pencil with shoulder length hair . He was a house painter but saw himself as a great artist Wud do pictures of the woods that had things like SH*T & F*CK written on the top and sides. Yes Peter did have his issues but at least he was good in bed ............


Also back then for awhile I was living with a guy named Lee who worked for the city . Most of the time he was as real nice but looking back think we were mismatched and doomed from the start .The fact I'm white and he's black was not a major issue . The big thing was our ages , I was 20 and he was 34 with a daughter only 5 years younger then me . At that stage I wanted a bf and fun while he wanted a gf and someone more mature /committed to the relationship . I of course cheated , including sleeping with cousin and throwing in his face during argument . While I was wrong and a fool don't see Lee as a nice guy hurt by his younger floozy gf . Hearing that beat the crap out of me even dragging me out on the front lawn slugging *& kicking away with some neighbors even cheering .The bruises were so bad I couldn't go to work for a week and for some of the time had to sleep in my car since he threw me out .


It's good I wasn't posting then since moi was such a colossal fool .Wonder if somebody wud have put up a poll wondering how long it will be before Lena is killed or preggars by some stranger ? Now you all have to settle for my new mostly G-rated life. ............... BTW no surprise Marcy Lou and Peter ended up getting divorced and haven't heard anything about him in at least 5 years , somehow don't think he ever got to be a famous artist . . Marcy Lou and 2 of the other cocktail waitresses got fired for doing sex for pay & selling dope to guests . We saw each other of and-on till I met Karin . Although it may seem surprising looking back it shouldn't have been Marcy Lou did a 180 degree turn in life she says being born again and becoming a follower of PAT ROBERTSON this far right wing religious entertainer . That was a huge change from her past but I think foreseeable since she was looking for something to fill that deep hole inside herself . She can get annoying when she trys to convert you or when telling you how holy she is and how you are evil or lost to the devil . Lee 's still around working for the city and we've crossed paths a few times. We're at peace now which feels good, think he regrets how it all went so bad as much as me .I shouldn't have cheated and he shouldn't have gone insane beating me up like that . His daughter who was 5 years younger then me is now 23 with 4 kids ! Am happy nobody is calling me 'granny ' yet ................


Work went OK last nite . It was busyer then most fridays mainly due to people here for the Forecastle festival. Some tv reporters were in talking to the Kennedys .I didn't see Robert F .Kennedy Jr. and probably missed my chance to be Mrs. M'linda Lena Robert F . Kennedy Jr. or at least say I was pregnant and get a free trip to Europe and maybe even that cabin on the lake Cassady was all flustered when a good looking customer she thought she was hitting it off with chuckled at her signifying , the man laffed when she tryed impressing him by saying how she only eats out at the finest restaurants .


Have to get moving . Am meeting up with Cindy & Lonnie and baby Jasmine along with Carla and Judy at the festival then go to work . Heading out in white v-neck T shirt and tan cargo shorts . At work the black cocktail waitress dress, seamed nylon ,and black flats .

[Lena]

Sunday ..................! Nice slow morning , things are slow outside . A few joggers and dog walkers along with a senior every now and then out for a a morning walk . maybe will try to get there leashes on them and take the critters out for a walk ., it's not easy since Agatha is so high strung while Fritz is such a alpha male hates being on a leash . . Later have to get in the shower then go to my pt job at the country club .


Believe it or not yesterday both blogs had over 900 hits ................... As I wrote yesterday my blogs can do real good reader wise on week-ends since the site is slow but 900 + hits in 24 hours is unbelievable . maybe someone is having fun playing games trying to inflate my ego ( or maybe there's a cult out there that hangs onto my every word ) but checked the numbers twice and both times came up with the 90 + hits number ..........................GOLLY !!!!! Well thanx to all of you !

Today's blog is a lot tamer then yesterdays .No talk of kinky sex with Marcy Lou and her hubby Peter ( although I have sometimes pleasured myself thinking of the times with them ) or a bf beating the crap out of me on the front lawn while some of the neighbors cheered including the one woman who was screaming out " Kick that white bitch's ass " and " Kills that white 'ho " ( white people are not the only ones that can be racist ) with me flying across the lawn from all his punches & expecting to die . Nope , today's post is more or less G-rated , symbolical of my new nowhere near as exciting but whole lot safer/nicer life...................


Met my friends at the Forecastle festival . Again didn't see any of the world famous Kennedy's or big name acts but the girls and baby Jasmine were good enough for moi Even though it was still morning the place was filling up and parking as impossible .I could only find a spot 4 blocks away and then only since I was lucky to come along just when somebody pulled out . Who knows what wud have happened had the car left , could still be driving around looking for a place to park . Finding the gang was easy since we all have phones . The sky was getting cloudier and cloudier but lucky for all of us it didn't rain . Moi and Lonnie were in ball hats while Cindy Carla & Judy were all being southern ladies in white brimmed hats . For that matter Carla and Cindy rounded the southern lady look out by wearing sun dresses . Looking at us you'd think we were all straight women with hubbys at home . We all sat down on a old blanket spread out across the grass and got into the fun . The music was playing in the back ground while other concert goers were always walking past .Carla and I noticed how about every other person had a tattoo on there ankle.


Carla and Judy brought a wicker picnic basket full of food while Lonnie and Cindy brought soda and water . Moi was dying for a drink or two of anything alcohol but had to suffer .The curse of the alcoholic among non-alcoholics !!! Was nice seeing everyone and talking as we ate the fruit and sandwiches .It's hard to describe just how good it can feel to have girlfriends You really have to love having them around to help you thru the bad times and also enjoy the good times like yesterday . Alot of talk about the world since they are a deep bunch .......Cindy says the recession is cutting into the soda pop business, Carla's brother is a real estate appraiser and just lost his job since real estate is in a outright depression here .Then the world , no surprise we're all for Obama Lonnie's brother whose a marine is heading back to Iraq for his 3rd tour , that'll be 3 years of fighting for him .Really is too much for one person Some good news too.Carla and Judy leave next friday for 2 weeks in Europe , heading to Rome to soak up all the art work at the pope's palace or whatever it's called then go to romantic Venice .All the rest of us were very jealous , I went so far as to pretend to spit soda at Judy out of jealousy .


Also gossip about others too. we all love Celeste ( infact she and Lonnie were once a couple and out of sheer decadence/the desire for cheap sexual thrills Ms .Celeste joined my ex Marady and I in a few threesomes ) but now we hear Celeste has up and moved in with a penis person !!!!!! Actually it didn't surprise me since she was always bi and has been seeing alot of guys lately to try to get pregnant and it's OK with me since it's her life and thats what she wants . The others though weren't as accepting though , weren't comfortable with her switching back to guys at all . Thought about bringing it up how Lonnie was seeing alot of men for awhile and Judy had once been married to a guy but used some common sense and kept my mouth shut Heard too Riki whose a dyke from Israel moved back there , hope she stays safe . There's talk to of a new girl bar over by University of Louisville, they all encouraged me to check it out for a job but I passed. The money may SUCK at the hotel but despite that do have a good thing going otherwise and also wud not want to get live in a totally lesbian/gay universe.


But as much fun as it was talking the attention shifted to baby Jasmine after she woke up from her nap . From then on she was the star of the show . She's gorgeous and smart with a huge smile and you just want to eat her up . All of us wanted to hold her since she's so wonderful . At 14 months she's already walking with a mini list of words and her eyes are always on the look out for something interesting . Lonnie pretended to be angry saying how we're going to get her fat since each and everyone of us wanted to feed Jasmine . She didn't mind , the baby loves interacting with people . each one of us took turns taking her for a walk around the concert . Someone told Cindy that there was just another woman who went by with a baby who looked just like her daughter ..............


As the day headed into afternoon we all had definitely settled into the fun But duty called and I had to go to work . So pecked every one good bye and gave a baby Jasmine a big hug I shoved off .At the hotel noticed how I had spent so much time there on the grass my feet and elbows were now green . Walking around like that and not knowing I was so stained wud have killed me at 14 but it didn't matter at all yesterday . After a shower the grass stains or grass tattoos were gone . Wore the black cocktail waitress and seamed stockings ( the same pair from the 1950's I 've worn for 10 saturdays now ) and worked a wedding reception . I posted about it already in MEMBERS CHIT CHAT but learned the groom in last nites wedding had also had his wedding reception with another woman at the hotel a few years back .Even wore the same type of tuxedo too. I do hope this marriage works but will keep a eye out from now on for that man and what seems to be his traditional marriage costume .


Off to the country club , work the brunch then a private party .Later meet Karin for something Going out in my loden green army dress with a button up front and belt .At the club there uniform of at he white blouse, Kelly green dress, suntan thigh tops and brown flats .

[Lena]

Yesterday was all about broadening one's horizons . Another look/adventure into the world of the rich and privileged yesterday when I worked at the country club . Also the news from the UK & even France as well as FOYLES WAR .........


The country club is always quite the experience , really like going to a school . Often just standing there looking at people so different from moi get the idea I am on another planet . Bet not many if actually anyone at all has ever gone hungry or spent the winter in a unheated house . Not to mention go to a school where there were gunfights and starting in 7th grade more and more girls got pregnant every year ........ These are people who seem to have always had the best money could buy like big air conditioned houses, new clothes from the best stores and even tailormades ( like my second hand MARILYN KING COLLECTION )new cars , and money money money whenever they needed /wanted something .Most take it for granted the big bank will always be available , budgeting if it means anything to them means only one new upper end car and two big vacations a year . Naturally most are Republicans who will tell you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps too and are all for war even though they've never been in one and heaven forbid there kids will never be sent off to fight & die anyplace.


But do love the way most are so friendly and confident .Guess that comes from not having to worry about where your next meal is going to come from and having to take jumper cables out to start your car . None of those people are never in each others face with attitude . All seem to get along and be courteous ,often in a down home friendly way .Unlike some bars where everyone is going out of there way to signify something , mainly being col ( whatever that is ) , having money , or being sexxy .There that way with us peons who work there too. Never really any bossiness or the attitude 'We're the holyer then holy members but your the nothing who waits on us so get moving '. About the only member whose ever made trouble is that vile Mrs. Werner and we've seen members laff at her . They treat you with respect more to then many of the guests I get at the hotel and unlike wanna be classy but toilet bowl of a joint THE COVE BAR where I used to work never get groped ,pinched ,or felt up by drunken jokers . In the case of May Wah the pretty and oh so social able Chinesse server whose going to law school many members seem to want to adopt /marry there sons / give a big bucks job too.............Moi can get jealous and downright resentful of all that but then again I definitely wudn't want to be the star of the show ( am too modest and wud worry there all laffing at me behind my back ) and May Wah's has always been nice to me .


Yesterday mainly did the weekly brunch bartending & pouring champagne then worked a 75 person b'day party for a guy turning 18. Seeing the b'day party reinforced my ideas that these people take having tons of money for granted and rich kids stay kids longer then the rest of us . Even though he was 18 now and not all that bad looking ( tall with thick brownish blond hair that I think only grows on rich people ) the b'day boy whose nickname was Kip ( if there was ever a rich people's nickname here Kip is it ! ) seemed more like 16 .The b'day boy got his very own Range Rover from mom and dad . And from one set of grandparents a money for a backpacking trip to Europe , am sure he'll really be staying at good hotels since can't see anyone from that background sleeping on the ground and using communal bathrooms After I heard how he fot the car my mind started totalling up all the money that was being spent on him , a $ 65,000 car ( has all the options , of course ) then another 10 grand from grandaddy to travel around on . The boy seemed happy but nowhere near as happy or really joyous ( new word ) I'd be . But then again he's the one who grew up with millions while I'm from nothing and love finding spare change in the couch .The folks were real proud to not just that there son had turned 18 but also since this was a real watershed since for the first time since he was 10 the b'day boy wudn't be spending summers at a rich kids sailing camp in Maine . I was in this mix of laffter and shock hearing he'd been going to camp as late as 17.Good lord , you don't have to be married with kids like my mom & 2 of my sisters were at 17 or in prison or a welfare mom like so many from the 'hood but going to camp at that age is downright childish . At that point started wondering if he was still on a pacifier at 16 or slept with a lite on at 15?


Except for the whole crowd singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to and the b'day boy blowing out all his candles as if he was 10 the only weirdness was when a friend of his got too friendly and came close to having his testicles yanked off . A bunch of guys from his school showed p and you could tell had been drinking .The adults took it all in stride , some cousin or uncle joked how one of the boys dad had done the same thing at the clubs big tennis tournament back in '67 .Rich people folklore I guess. But when coming back with a bottle of champagne one of the boys said something like " hey lucky lady ,where have you been hiding ? " then started pulling me toward him . Moi stepped back and nature's teen age gift to women said " Don't try fighting it , you know you want me . I like you too, as a woman gets older she ages like a fine wine " . That was annoying , do understand how penis people of all ages & classes can get too pushy with women when there drunk but really resented at 28 being called old . Just 2 years ago some high school guys tryed picking me up asking what school I went too........... For a few seconds thought of grabbing the family jewels and squeezing as had as I could to punish him or elbowing him across the face .but the new Lena didn't , just stepped aside telling him I had to get the champagne into the party room and had heard his folks just arrived. Even though I had NO idea who his folks are he was too drunk to be realizing that & suddenly started behaving .............


Got home around 7:30 and was pretty tired .The first thing I usually do is get out of my clothes and into my robe but was to tired to do that so sat there chilling in the loden green army style dress . Karin made a great cold pea soup and cucumber salad with us eating and talking . More on that tomorrow .Her family is starting to sound as insane as mine Actually am enjoying this a little ..............


Later we cracked open a bottle of red and watched the last FOYLES WAR which was as always good. Having my army type dress on helped me relate more to a show about war . Had a wonderful sub -plot about a soldier just back from war , the actor was very god since he looked as sad - burned out as some of the guys I've sen back from Iraq were sure he'd kill his cheating wife or himself but in the end he turned out to be forgiving and kind . We were both weeping at that . . The villain reminded me of our own little georgey , a rich weasel who also never earned his money and hid from the army when it was his turn to go to war then tryed going into politics as a right winger who claimed to care about his country . Was a womanizer too, I guess you could substitute george jr's alcoholism and drug use for that Happy to see Sam and Foyle's son get back together too. But most happy to see on the www there probably going to bring the show back with new episodes


Going kayaking again ............... My white one piece swim suit .Later a white T shirt and jean short shorts .

[Lena]

A nice day today , we're very relaxed after a nice day yesterday . If I seem to sound too happy /sacchariney feel free to go back and look at my other post where I'm unhappy/upset or talk about past wild times .


Yesterday was able to do many of my favorite things which was like giving my mind and soul a long hot shower. Everyone should have days like that . Feel fit too after 5 hours of kayaking ,even after I had way way much to drink later . It began with a great relaxed,' lets spend the day smelling the roses ' attitude . It was al about us having fun . No worrys about clothes since we were both in swim suits and then T shirts and jean shorts . With me barefoot which always makes me feel free all day everywhere from our front lawn place to a semi girl bar in the TRIANGLE gay area downtown . Just wanting to be together and have simple fun ....................


The best part was of course being able to be with Karin all day .Since we work different shifts we don't see each other as much as we used too so any quality time together is great . For yesterday I just loved being with her. Just being together had me re-energized and happy . For the jillionth time I am so happy to have her in my life and very glad the troubles of a few months ago are past .


Starting off the day the coffee was god in the morning and the old homestead felt wonderful . We also took the critters out to the front lawn to play . Agatha whose real hyper basically perched nervously as if she was ready to run at a second's notice on the steps meowing her head off to go back in . As neurotic as I am could relate .But then the old girl worked up some courage and started rolling around in the grass as of she was a child playing in sand . Fritz the alpha male was another case , he loved it all outside . First looking all around like a born hunter then exploring the plants and bushes in front of this old converted mansion then chasing a bird that had landed down toward the side walk . All totalled we were out front for almost a hour and while it was no trouble getting nervous Agatha to go back indoors we had to trick Fritz with a piece of chicken since he was just so happy outdoors. Right after he came to get his treat Karin scooped him up and brought him inside.


We saw a few of our neighbors while on the lawn which was fun too. As great as our varmints are there's nothing like human conversation . Fawn from penthouse was first, you cold tel she was a reporter for so long since when you talk to her it;s like being interviewed . But as a total narcissist thats fine with moi . They just got back from Europe and in a few weeks leave for another trip to see one of John's people in of all places Boise Idaho .