Wifes Fantasies

[Tokkan]

We have been married 25 wonderful years. The sex is great and my wife and I get on extremely well. In fact we never fight.... nope never. We negotiate but we never fight.

Now.. she has admitted to me that she has fantasies that she hasnt told me about. I havent pushed her but sometimes bought the subject up but never pressured her to tell me... but

I sure as hell want to know! I know she is timid about telling me even thought I told her no matter what it is I wont get upset. I wont judge her etc.



I have often told her to close her eyes while we are making love and to pretend I am what ever her fantasy is and when we do this she goes totally wild. But hell I wanna know what it is! How do I get her to tell me?

[Guest]

get her to write a short story around the fantasy.

Then ask to read it a week or 2 later.

Then carry it out for her


Worked for me after 15 years of marriage

[might ask]

you might ask her if her private, naughty-fantasy invoves a bit of
Dominance/submission play?
- whilst you go on to say it kind of seems like
something you think will be fun to try too.

[persona-non-grata]

The following requires a modicum of spreadsheet skills, and each of you to trust the other not to look at the other's raw scores.

Download a copy of the Purity Test, and paste all the questions into Col 1 in three worksheets.

One worksheet is yours, the other hers.

In Col 2 you each put a score, so this isn't using it as a test to see what you've done, it's rating what you'd like to do.

The scoring is simple, but requires you to be honest and open minded, and to set aside any immediate prejudices, and not score a zero unless you really do mean it.

0 = No way, really do not want to think or talk about that.
1 = Not sure, might do, interests me a bit, have heard about it would like to experiment, maybe we could discuss this etc. It could also be something you've done that wasn't fantastic for you but didn't turn you off and you would do again if your partner wanted it.
2 = I am up for this like a crazed weasel.

In the third worksheet you calculate each cell in Col 2 by multiplying the corresponding cells in sheets 1 & 2.

0 = One of you thinks "No way, really do not want to think or talk about that". This is where the honesty & trust comes in, as it means that if you only look at the results sheet, you can be as honest and daring as you like, but if it revolts your partner they will never know that you rated it a 1 or a 2.

1 = Both of you have a slight interest, so this is where you can explore together.

2 = One of you has a slight interest, the other is keen, or has done it before and wants to again so can guide.

4 = Both of you will go at this like crazed weasels.

[mande]

If you've been married 25 years, and she doesn't yet feel comfortable telling you her fantasies, it doesn't sound like your relationship, or certainly your sexual relationship, is as great as you say.

I do this within weeks of DATING a girl! And I make sure she feels completely comfortable telling me too.
What's going on with her, or you guys, that she can't even tell you?
It doesn't sound like you have even really asked.

[tobinfest]

If you've been married 25 years, and she doesn't yet feel comfortable telling you her fantasies, it doesn't sound like your relationship, or certainly your sexual relationship, is as great as you say.

What's going on with her, or you guys, that she can't even tell you?
It doesn't sound like you have even really asked.

Tokkan, I agree with mande, although it is never too late to begin to communicate. It might be an age thing. My wife and I are married 33 years and while we loved and enjoyed each other, we didn't discuss much regarding sex until ten or so years ago and it was frustrating to me. Not as much about fantasies, but rather if what I was doing was working well. We finally sat down and agreed that we should discuss, openly, what turned her on or off and it worked miracles. Now we are much improved lovers to each other and even do some fantasies, a long way to come.
Dialogue always helps!!! Try it and good luck.

[Goya]

If she is shy about saying this to you it shows you are very close and shows how much she respects you. Is it possible to pick-up porno movies or clips either together or she alone that she likes to watch? You watch them together and this might give you a hint of what her fantasy might be.

[nomadic]

I'm finally deciding to get involved rather than just observe. Here goes...

I agree with the idea that persona-non-grata had. i.e creating a "survey of sexual interests" if you will.

I looked at the Purity test and thought extensive, it seems rather lacking in the area of being sexualy creative (or encouraging sexual creativity).

I like the idea enough that I am going to create a little survey. Perhaps it can be attached or posted to the site?

But... I need some help. There are certainly a lot of things that could be put on the survey, more I think than I can come up with. So, if anyone has any legit input on questions or topics I'd appreciate seeing them posted. (I don't need your answers, just the questions )

I'm also using the Sexinfo101 website as a reference for positions as it seems very extensive.

Anyone want to give some input?

[PlasticAnnArbor]

Purity Test

i have not seen that since the sci-fi cons in the 80'

[guest 1]

suggest that if she doesnt tell you tonight you will have to put her over your knee and take down her spanties for a spanking ---- i bet you will find that is one of her favourite fantasies. try it and let me know what happened.