Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 155 Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posted: Mon Apr 14, 2008 8:46 pm Post subject:
MissCharlie wrote:
Boy my typos were bad there, does anyone know how to block Freds posts, so they don't even appear in a thread. One poster mentioned this, he can't even read them, thats one great idea, how do I do it
Cx
I think that might have been me ! It's great, I can completely igonore his inane posts !
I also previously did it with a poster called Tys, not seen him for a while, think he might be back and called Fred.
I could never understand why some people want to come on here and deliberatly wind other people up, who are just after some honest advice. Do they not have anything better to do ?
Anyway, I pretty much agree with all the sensible advice so far, especially Miss bouncy. Except on my browser the "block" botton is on the left ! And apart from the acid bit................
Good luck !
=) thanks for all your advice, i really do appreciate it
I am still very confused... still.. (i know i am sorry)
its just like sometimes i get so fed up and start thinking that a bf should ring you unprompted (especially as he gets 20mins free calls a day, and i have no minutes left from calling him) or 2 text me without me texting him, or 2 want/ask 2 see me without me bothering/asking him,
then i just think i am ridiculous....and high maintenance
it's he doesn't even seem bothered... maybe its just a blokes thing... he just never used 2 be like it, he used 2 text me constantly, we'd talk for hours on msn and he used 2 want 2 see me everyday, now i am lucky if i see him twice a week at uni, and it took me over a week 2 arrange seeing him during the hols... MEN lol
i just get so fed up and think its enough... then i ring him, or see a pic of him etc and i don't care anymore cos i love him... then i go back 2 being fed up its a viscous circle =(
i am sorry i am whining and moaning =(
i know the only way 2 solve it is to talk to him, he just gets annoyed.. i tried the other day and he said i was just being a typical girl and reading into things that aren't there... maybe i am..
still i just want him 2 call me, or talk 2 me on msn.. he hasn't even got a job atm he is just sitting around doing nothing all day
am i being unreasonable and have a fairy tale notion of love built up in my head. doi have to high and unreasonable expectations?
im in the same situatuion as you and i use to get so fed up with my bf!
so what i did, ( this was a few weeks ago), i told him i want to go on a break and then maybe he will appreciate me. we both agreed not to meet anyone else not to even kiss anyone else. we were on a break for a week, i know it wasnt that long, but it worked. hes realised how much i mean to him and he told me he felt lonely without me and missed me so much. ive noticed a big difference! he calls me now without me going on about it, he texts me alot more and ive noticed a change in me too. i dont bug him as much now
But you want to be careful with the “take a break” method. The analogy is to the “trial separation” that married couples often use, even coupled with the assurances you and your bf had. I read a study that actually concluded that the best way to stay together is to stay together.
Now, if something is wrong with the relationship, it needs to be fixed, no doubt. The criticism is that the “take a break” method often doesn’t fix anything. More importantly, a substantial number of separated couples either decide they like separation, or they just plain get used to it and decide it was a valid alternative. In other words, the separation in fact legitimized the idea of separation. The study concluded, in so many words, that creating the break can often be the very crack that destroys the dam.
I don't want 2 try the take a break method i personally think its 2 risky.
i decided that i am going to talk 2 him about, basically i say that i feel that things are very one sided and i feel totally taken for granted.
any ideas how to put it without seeming like i am attacking him?
he always tells me that he loves me which i love, and would totally miss if he didn't do it, but 2bh i am starting to doubt his words, cos the words are great and we don't want 2 lose them but i do need the action as well, which there is none of.
he also never initiates sex and the majority of the time if i start anything he will jsut lay there and let me "wack him off" which actually infrustrates (sp?) me
i just want him 2 really really want me, like he used to, i don't want 2 end things, i just want equality.
we have just over a week till we go back 2 uni, and he hasn't got credit 2 text me but he does have free minutes which i don't have. so i am just going to back off and see if he calls me....
xx
thanks for the awesome advice and please if you have any more please give it 2 me =)
MissCharlie FemaleFirst Grand Master (1000+ Posts)
Joined: 31 Oct 2007 Posts: 1659 Location: In my bubble
Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 11:54 am Post subject:
selfconcious wrote:
I don't want 2 try the take a break method i personally think its 2 risky.
i decided that i am going to talk 2 him about, basically i say that i feel that things are very one sided and i feel totally taken for granted.
any ideas how to put it without seeming like i am attacking him?
he always tells me that he loves me which i love, and would totally miss if he didn't do it, but 2bh i am starting to doubt his words, cos the words are great and we don't want 2 lose them but i do need the action as well, which there is none of.
he also never initiates sex and the majority of the time if i start anything he will jsut lay there and let me "wack him off" which actually infrustrates (sp?) me
i just want him 2 really really want me, like he used to, i don't want 2 end things, i just want equality.
we have just over a week till we go back 2 uni, and he hasn't got credit 2 text me but he does have free minutes which i don't have. so i am just going to back off and see if he calls me....
xx
thanks for the awesome advice and please if you have any more please give it 2 me =)
My only advice would be to take ownwership of your feelings, don't say 'you make me feel like this and you don't text me often enough and you never initiate sex. Instead talk calmly about how you feel, "I get really worried if I haven't heard from you after a few days, this makes me feel like......
Anyway hopes this helps, he may feel less 'attacked', I admire the fact that you're trying to salvage this relationship, but try to keep in mind that perhaps what you need to ultimately face is that he may never be capable of giving you what you need, and every time you move in closer, he'll move back. It doesn't make him right or you wrong, or vice versa, just incompatability.
Sorry really trying hard not to sound patronizing, but I can tell how much you desperately want to keep this guy in your life, just don't sell yourself short in the process, you are worth more than that.
Anyway hopes this helps, he may feel less 'attacked', I admire the fact that you're trying to salvage this relationship, but try to keep in mind that perhaps what you need to ultimately face is that he may never be capable of giving you what you need, and every time you move in closer, he'll move back. It doesn't make him right or you wrong, or vice versa, just incompatability.
I agree.
Last edited by Cambridge on Sun Apr 27, 2008 11:04 pm; edited 1 time in total
hey misscharlie it didn't sound patronising at all =)
thanks for the advice..
he texted me 2day and i went 2 my friend "wow he texted me first, thats shocked me, i am really happy"
and she said "it shouldn't stand out that he has texted you...."
but its a start =)
xxxxxxx
In all honesty there is a difference between being 'needy' i.e. hanging on his arm 24/7 and wanting him to hold your hand to take you to the bathroom, never wanting him to leave your side and wanting a relationship i.e. phone calls (once maybe twice a day), texts, conversations, sex on a regular basis.
IMO it sounds like he is being a turd about this..... he doesn't want to call/text you, see you, initiate or take part in sex..... that would be a good sign that he is uninterested in the relationship going any further. I understand you 'love him' and may not want to be alone but
A) Love doesn't make up for a bad relationship (if he was abusive not just neglectful would you still stay? and yes he IS neglectful!)
B) You are young and have plenty of time to find a better guy.
C) If this was one of your girlfriends in this situation what advice would you give her?
If he really is 'the one for you' then he should treat you better. My advice would be to break up with him. If he is 'the one' then he will realize he can't live with out you blah blah blah, he loves you forever, you complete him, etc etc etc and will come back. If he doesn't then good riddance, see you later and find a guy that you will BOTH take better care of each other!
Also if you do this take some time for yourself before getting into another relationship. You're 19, lots of changes are going on with who you are, what you think is important and such. Figure out who you are before you expect someone else to figure out who you are and love you for it GL hunn and I hope the best for you.
well, if he is making u feel bad, then u should dump him. sounds like he has become complacent (spelling) to me, so u should dump him. go get a guy who makes u feel good.
hi original poster. i don't understand something. in your posts you said you two have a great time together, you love him lots and vice versa. yes he doesn't call you as much but that shouldn't affect your feelings about him.
i think you should focus more on how he TREATS you, how he TALKS to you. is he a gentleman around you. when you two are together does it make you feel great and happy?
please don't dump him because he's not acting the way you want him to. everyone is different. and no one should be judged because they are different from somebody else.
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And apart from the acid bit................ 
