how do i get over the married man I love?

[Guest]

I've been in love with a married man for five years now. He's the most sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, caring and gentle man I've ever met. He has grown up kids. As infatuated as I've been, I would never lay a finger on someone who was taken. Recently he moved away, leaving another woman pregnant with his child, and having been involved with at least one other.

As much as I know it's his wife who needs him, my heart feels like it's breaking.

How do I get over him?

[just some guy]

Hi, I really feel for you, this is such a tough one. If only we could be in control of our emotions!

It sounds like this is a guy you need to stay away from, regardless of whether he's available or not. He may be all those great things you describe but to a casual on looker I'm sorry to say he sounds like a bit of a S***. Plus, a wife, an adult child, another woman and a baby is a lot of baggage by anyone's standards! Do you really want to become involved in that?

But I suspect your head already knows this, hence the post, sadly our hearts don't always listen to sense!!

So, how do you fall out of love with someone? In my experience you either have to take so much crap from someone that eventually the bond begins to break, or, you have to change your life and make an active decision to move on from that person and put them behind you. Both hurt like hell.

As you're not directly in contact with this guy the first option probably isn't relevant so are there ways you can make changes in your life that reduce the number of times you're reminded of him? I'm talking about fairly big changes, starting over type of changes. Can you change job so you meet new people? Can you re-locate? What I'm basically saying is can you think about the context in which you know him and change that context completely?

The other option is to have a fling with some poor unsuspecting bystander and F*** the guy out of your life!! Maybe not the best option but more fun than the other two!!

Good luck, I really hope you manage to get over this guy and get on with your life. You don't need someone who gets a woman pregnant then leaves them. Take care.

[Verve]

How do I get over him?

Distance and time.

[Guest]

Thankyou guys... the option to move away might... it would be extreme, but it's an option. I will mull it over. There again, I don't want to change my life for someone I can't mean that much to.

It's really weird to see this, in many ways kind gentleman, and then to see this string of affairs that he's had. I'd only have been one of many had any thing happened between us.

[Verve]

Consider yourself lucky. Now off to detox you go....

[Guest]

If I could just add - he had no choice but to leave as he had a sexual misconduct charge against him. I don't know whether that makes him better or worse.

[honbuns]

I am sure that your feelings for him are genuine but he sounds like and absolute b*stard having affairs all over the place and a sexual misconduct charge.

You could never have trusted him as he has demonstrated that he is not worthy of your or any other womens trust.

Consider yourself lucky and the best thing I would suggest is to get out there and find someone who is worthy of you. Try _ dating, it worked for me and was also good fun. Does wonders for your self confidence too.

[Guest]

He's the most sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, caring and gentle man I've ever met.

Interesting that you think a man with a wife who has two other active affairs going is sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, caring and gentle. Can you really be all that while at the same time being a lying, selfish pig? Why do women fall for these bad boys?

[Guest]

If I could just add - he had no choice but to leave as he had a sexual misconduct charge against him. I don't know whether that makes him better or worse.

Sexual misconduct. You don't know if that makes him better or worse?
A better or worse what? Worse husband? Worse person? Better a**hole?
Better liar?

[Guest]

I've been in love with a married man for five years now. He's the most sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, kind, caring and gentle man I've ever met. He has grown up kids. As infatuated as I've been, I would never lay a finger on someone who was taken. Recently he moved away, leaving another woman pregnant with his child, and having been involved with at least one other.

As much as I know it's his wife who needs him, my heart feels like it's breaking.

How do I get over him?

I think some psychotherapy is in order, if indeed this post isnt a lot of bollocks.

[Guest]

It sounds absolutely tragic I know. But it's all absolutely true. Maybe you couldn't make it up. It's like there are two of him and they don't fit together. One is all the wonderful things he seems to be, the other represents all the fruits of his actions, many really kind, some not kind at all.

Better: not just deserting, but having to.... perhaps being misunderstood.... No. It makes him worse.

[Guest]

It sounds absolutely tragic I know. But it's all absolutely true. Maybe you couldn't make it up. It's like there are two of him and they don't fit together. One is all the wonderful things he seems to be, the other represents all the fruits of his actions, many really kind, some not kind at all.

Better: not just deserting, but having to.... perhaps being misunderstood.... No. It makes him worse.

Why dont you stick rusty nails in your eyes - you seem to like inflicting S*** onto yourself - go on, give it a go

[Guest]

It sounds absolutely tragic I know. But it's all absolutely true. Maybe you couldn't make it up. It's like there are two of him and they don't fit together. One is all the wonderful things he seems to be, the other represents all the fruits of his actions, many really kind, some not kind at all.

Better: not just deserting, but having to.... perhaps being misunderstood.... No. It makes him worse.

Why dont you stick rusty nails in your eyes - you seem to like inflicting S*** onto yourself - go on, give it a go

Hmm... Very sensitive, very perceptive... Have you ever actually been unhappily in love?