how to tell a girl i have no desire for sex?

[dreamguy]

When would it be the right time to tell a woman I'm dating that I have no desire to ever get sexually intimate with her? If I tell her too soon she'll look at me like "ok why did you bring that up?" If I tell her too late then she'll accuse me of stringing her along.

So how many dates should I go out with her on before I tell her that I have no desire to ever have sex with her? Also how do I tell her? How do I tell her that masturbation is sufficient for me to get my sexual needs met and that I don't get as much pleasure out of sexual intercourse?

I have made a decision that I have no intention of having sex with any woman for the rest of my life. It would not bother me one bit since I get all the pleasure I need from masturbation.

What are the chances that women will put me in the friendzone over this? I don't want to be friendzoned. It's either a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or no contact at all. I have plenty of friends already. I'm not looking for friends. I'm looking for a girlfriend.

[jinjin]

Hello dreamguy;

If you wish to have a girlfriend but not have any sex with her then you are looking for someone to engage in an asexual relationship. You may or may not consider yourself to be an asexual. From your earlier posts, I did not get any impression that you were an asexual. However, the type of relationship you have described in this thread is asexual.

An asexual relationship is not impossible. However, most people are sexual, and the chances of a successful asexual relationship with a sexual partner is slim. It has been my experience that a sexual person tends to feel that love without physical intimacy is a second rate platonic relationship and such a relationship will be dissatisfying and frustrating. A sexual person is generally unable to view true love as an emotional intimacy that is completely disjoint from sexual arousal.

A relationship involves two people. It is important for both to have their intimate needs, emotional and/or physical, satisfied. Hence, in my opinion, the worst thing an asexual person can do to a sexual person is to misrepresent themselves such as engaging in physical intimacy during the early stages of the relationship then withdraw to an asexual lifestyle. This is likely to frustrate and distress a sexual person.

I think it is best to inform a prospective partner during the initial stage of a relationship when you are both talking, trying to get to know one another, and trying to build up some trust. Otherwise, she will have different expectations from you and feel that you have been dishonest with her. Your choice to have an asexual relationship is an sexual orientation (or lack of). As with other forms of sexual orientation (i.e. homosexual or bisexual), it needs to be stated early with a prospective partner.

Whether you are an asexual person or a sexual person adopting an asexual lifestyle, an asexual relationship is going to be difficult to establish. If you have not done so, you might try using a speciality site, such as AVEN, to gain the insights of other asexual people.

Good luck.
-JinJin

[Verve]

As soon as the topic of sex arises.

[just some guy]

Look, if you want to pursue a celebate longterm relationship then good luck to you but I really think you're missing the point here. Sex in a relationship isn't just about you satisfying your own sexual needs, it's much, much more than that. Sure we can all have a W*** and feel satisfied, I'm in a long-term relationship and I still masturbate
When you have sex with someone you share your life with it's a very powerful way of bonding with that person. It's almost spiritual. It's a way of showing acceptance of that person, it's a way of saying that you trust them enough to completely let go in front of them. You connect with that person in a very intimate way and in a way that just can't be achieved through any other means. Also, you boost each other's confidence and self-esteem by showing that you desire each other sexually. And importantly, you attend to your partner's needs and show them that they are important to you, regardless of what your own needs are at that time.

In light of all of these hugely important functions of sex in a relationship I find your position of 'not interested because I can just W*** myself off' utterly bizarre. Grow up. You're coming across, at best, as someone who's confusing sex in a relationship with the sort of sex you might experience on a one night stand - the two are totally different. At worst you sound like a selfish prick.

[dreamguy]

Look, if you want to pursue a celebate longterm relationship then good luck to you but I really think you're missing the point here. Sex in a relationship isn't just about you satisfying your own sexual needs, it's much, much more than that. Sure we can all have a W*** and feel satisfied, I'm in a long-term relationship and I still masturbate
When you have sex with someone you share your life with it's a very powerful way of bonding with that person. It's almost spiritual. It's a way of showing acceptance of that person, it's a way of saying that you trust them enough to completely let go in front of them. You connect with that person in a very intimate way and in a way that just can't be achieved through any other means. Also, you boost each other's confidence and self-esteem by showing that you desire each other sexually. And importantly, you attend to your partner's needs and show them that they are important to you, regardless of what your own needs are at that time.

In light of all of these hugely important functions of sex in a relationship I find your position of 'not interested because I can just W*** myself off' utterly bizarre. Grow up. You're coming across, at best, as someone who's confusing sex in a relationship with the sort of sex you might experience on a one night stand - the two are totally different. At worst you sound like a selfish prick.

Ok your post is completely irrelevant to the topic of my thread. I didn't ask how I can get help for this. I simply asked when was the right time to tell a woman I'm not interested in sex. Obviously you didn't answer my question so I'm going to disregard your post and take into consideration only the posts above who answered my question.

My desire or lack of desire to get help for this issue is a totally different matter. It has nothing to do with the topic of this thread. I asked a simple question and if you can't answer it then your post is just a waste of space.

At least I have a desire to be honest about my intentions in a relationship. It does not make my desires right or wrong. It just means I'm not right for certain women.

Most folks will tell me that I have to get to know a woman first before getting sexually involved. I agree with that 100%. However eventually she's going to want to make love to me (that is if she gains interest in me over time) and I'm going to have to tell her that it's out of the question.

Once I tell her it's out of the question then she'll put me in the friendzone and I can't accept that. So by that point my only other option is to cut all ties with her. The friendzone is the worst place to be.

[dreamguy]

Maybe I'll just purposely make myself look unattractive after I get into the relationship and that will make her not want to have sex with me and therefore she won't care that I'm getting my needs met from masturbation. Problem solved. What do you think?

[just some guy]

Maybe I'll just purposely make myself look unattractive after I get into the relationship and that will make her not want to have sex with me and therefore she won't care that I'm getting my needs met from masturbation. Problem solved. What do you think?

What do I think? I think sex in a relationship isn't just about your needs. The reason I gave the response above as I did is to point out that sex is about physical bonding and sharing and giving, not just about you getting your rocks off. If you can't engage in this deep bonding process and meet your partner's needs as well as your own then quite frankly you deserve to be in what you call 'the friendzone'. Good luck to you pal.

[noodles]

how to tell a girl i have no desire for sex?


erm ' i'm really into you but i think you should know i've no desire to actually have sex'

[dreamguy]

Maybe I'll just purposely make myself look unattractive after I get into the relationship and that will make her not want to have sex with me and therefore she won't care that I'm getting my needs met from masturbation. Problem solved. What do you think?

What do I think? I think sex in a relationship isn't just about your needs. The reason I gave the response above as I did is to point out that sex is about physical bonding and sharing and giving, not just about you getting your rocks off. If you can't engage in this deep bonding process and meet your partner's needs as well as your own then quite frankly you deserve to be in what you call 'the friendzone'. Good luck to you pal.

I'm not going to be in the friendzone though because I plan to stop all contact if she throws out the "let's be friends line." I'll just say "ok" and then disappear after that. I won't take her calls or anything else.

She has every right to demote me to a friend status but I also have a right to reject the demotion and find another job elsewhere.

By the way I'm willing to meet all a woman's needs except for sexual intimacy. I'm willing to financially support her and protect her. That's more important than the sex department since women have a greater need to feel safe with the man they are with.

So depending on how well I meet all her other needs I'm hoping she'll let the sex thing slide.

[Verve]

Honestly I dont' think you will have a hard time finding a woman......

[dreamguy]

It really all depends on how many other things I'm doing correctly in the relationship that determines whether or not I'll keep her around.

The more things I do right the better chance I have of keeping her. Some women here say they want it all. Basically what women are saying is that unless I'm perfect or almost perfect then I'm not going to keep her.

She's going to have to decide if the lack of sex is really worth dumping me over if the rest of my good qualities outweigh my flaws.

[Verve]

What I mean to say is that there are women willing to not have sex after marriage. In a sense they have had sex and then get tired of wanting to have it... Good luck on finding one from the start that's not interested. Would you allow your wife to be pleased sexually from time to time with another man?

[dreamguy]

What I mean to say is that there are women willing to not have sex after marriage. In a sense they have had sex and then get tired of wanting to have it... Good luck on finding one from the start that's not interested. Would you allow your wife to be pleased sexually from time to time with another man?

No I wouldn't. That's automatic grounds for divorce. I would want a divorce if she felt the need to sleep with another man.

[Verve]

Ok.... What about you participating in sex acts...such as use of d i l d o s since you choose not to have sex? Would you assist your wife in an orgasm? Would you allow masturbating as couple... It's fun? What would you do to meet her needs for sexual pleasure without you penetrating?

[dreamguy]

Ok.... What about you participating in sex acts...such as use of d i l d o s since you choose not to have sex? Would you assist your wife in an orgasm? Would you allow masturbating as couple... It's fun? What would you do to meet her needs for sexual pleasure without you penetrating?

The ideas you mentioned above are good and yes I would be willing to use those methods. I admit that I would need to work out some sort of compromise.