by just some guy on Thu May 01, 2008 6:49 am
The first thing I'd say is that past behaviour isn't necessarily a predictor of future behaviour. I've been unfaithful in previous relationships but can honestly say I have absolutely no intention or desire to be unfaithful with my current partner. So people can change. I say that because I think you have to be careful to see these two things as separate issues. You say you believe he won't cheat on you so try not to confuse that with his browsing habits. It'll help you deal with it better.
Now, you say his visiting these sites is upsetting you, and that's very understandabe, so on that basis alone you need to talk to him about it. You're right to say this isn't cheating, but it's bound to make you feel uncomfortable because he is taking his sexual focus away from you, virtually at least.
Before you speak to him though, be clear on what it is that's bothering you. Is it the fact that these are camera based sites so may have some degree of interactivity? Or are you jealous that he's looking at images of other women? Or is the secretive way he's doing it the thing that bothers you?
Once you've worked this out you'll know what you're going to ask for. Do you want him to stop visiting camera sites? Do you want him to promise never to look at any porn site again? Or do you want to share some aspect of that experience with him so that it isn't secret and furtive anymore? Maybe you could suggest that rather than secretly looking at crap sites on his own, the two of you could watch some porn during your love making sometimes?
Good luck with this, it's not going to be the easiest conversation you've ever had but I hope you get a good outcome.
