advice needed - children related

[poisonblood]

ok so, he hasn't asked me to have any yet, but recently my boyfriend's been saying that he wants to be a father one day, but i don't want to be a mother.

i love him with all my heart and i don't want to hurt his feelings on this or deprive him of fatherhood, but i don't want to be pregnant or ever give birth. As much as i love him, i, as a woman, and all women should come before a pregnancy in order of importance, and i'm not going to sacrifice my body for the sake of bearing a child if i don't even want it.

ok so i'm only young still, and one day i might find that i love him so much that i would want a person to exist in this world that is part of both him and me, but i find the idea of giving birth to be very disturbing (something that should be such a natural idea for a woman)

- i suffer from bipolar disorder (manic depression) and i seriously believe that my mental health would be at serious risk if i were ever to carry out a pregnancy/birth and i don't want to be deemed mentally unfit to bring up a child. its my body i have the issues with, with the thing growing inside ME. if we ever did decide to have kids, using a surrogate mother would be fine in regards to my mental health because it would still be biologically OUR child, but i would'nt have to push it out of MY body.

I would appreciate some advice about how to deal with this in conversation next time it pops up, in a way that lets him know that he means a hell of a lot to me, but that giving birth to his children isn't one of those things i'm going to do with my life.

advice on this realy needed here, thanks

(p.s. - sorry for babbling on)

[coolman]

How young are you?

If you are a young teenager, don't worry about it, you probably won't wind up with him anyway.

If you are a young adult getting close to marrying age, you have to let him know, so he can decide how important the issue is for him.

[poisonblood]

i'm 25

[coolman]

tell him. That would be a huge factor for me. I wouldn't have married my wife if she had felt that way.

Just be prepared to lose him . . . Maybe you won't, but maybe you will.

[Verve]

Some women say that they don't want children when they’re in a certain age bracket. When you get those mommy feelings then you might want to conceive. If you don't want to get pregnant or ever give birth, there is a possibility you can have a surrogate. If he is accepting of adoption then that's also a possibility. You do have to tell him either way like coolman said. If you just don't like children that's ok. If you don’t want children now in your life, voice that. But be upfront. Best Wishes.

[coolman]

Well put, Verve.

[a suggestion]

That you say you are bi-polar poisonblood,
seems like the Exact reasoning for you to use
to explain why you must not pro-create yourself,
and continue a pass-on of 'bad-genes',
but:
Knowing how important it will likely become for him,
& How Much You LOVE Him:

For these *Well Considered Reasons,
You ARE willing for him to father babies with a surrogate mother/egg provider.

This way, HE Gets to have genetic 'matching' done,
which will Greatly Improve the likelyhood of having a healthy, intelligent child without defect.
Let us know how it goes.

[snappy120_2]

yeh a bi-polar who can't decide on her age.
Don't take the piss love

[Mr A]

If you don't want to have children then personally that is your choice but he also has a right to know i feel ...especially if you guys are serious

[Fred75]

[poisonblood]

yes i know birth control is not 100%, im not stupid

i am on the injected pill and we allways use condoms for your information. that's about as safe as you can get