25th silver wedding

[orgasmless2]

its our 25th wedding anniversary in 4 weeks, so why do i feel so down about it all?
our wedding day all those years back, being honest was a tolal mess, it was mainly a compromise from start to finnish, we had little money and didnt have any help from my parents at all, they werent even going to turn up to the wedding but where pushed into it and shamed by other relatives arriving,my wedding dress was made by hand by myself, i had none of hte usual things such as a hen night or the trying on of dresses or whatever, i literally was left to sort the dress out alone and if i hadnt done that it would have been a pair of jeans for me!!!
we got married in the registery office, and then reception was in a pub with a buffet that was made by me that morning, in wedding dress, i have no pictures of the day as im terrified of having my picture took and would rather have heart surgey minus the happy gas first.

so alll these years later i was upset one time a few years back and he said things to me to build my hopes up but now 4 weeks to the day it was me doing the arranging again, to which he wasnt happy about and now changed to having a few friends in the pub!!! im sorry but am i being unreasonable here, its our silver wedding and we are going to the pub???

ive tried telling him how i feel, hes turned it around on me saying that he couldnt do anything as a surprise as i wouldnt allow it to happen!!! i would kick and scream and not turn up if he had done anything as a surprise, how on earth would he know as hes never in his life done anything like that for me ever.

i cant help feel so down about all this and would rather cancel the lot but seeing as our fiends know about it now im going to be letting them down too. what on earth can i do about this, i just wanted something better than going to the pub!!!!