WHY WONT HE MARRY ME?

BinFL · Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 3:44 pm Post subject: WHY WONT HE MARRY ME?

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/about29412-0-asc-0.html

Jetta · You Go Girl (100+ Posts) Joined: 13 Dec 2004 Posts: 166

Looks like you had a lot of responses. I'm wondering why you would consider having a baby with a man who isn't ready to be married to you. You're giving him the married life without being married. Not a good idea.

BinFL · Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2005 9:19 pm Post subject:

Just to be clear, I'm not the one trying to have a baby.

I just posted a link to that forum here, because it almost seemed more fitting here than the "wedding" forum. Thought we could get more advice.

Thanks Very Happy

k9trainingbiz · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 4:23 am Post subject:

Just an aside to all the girls who currently "play house" with a partner who won't marry them, did you ever hear the saying "why buy the cow when the milk's free"?. You have already given him the married life, not to mention financial help (in most cases) with no strings. What would be the motivation? If he wanted to marry you he would at least get engaged (with ring and date set), no excuses. After all, if you're good enough to live with as married people, you're good enough to marry, right?

STEVE5OO · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 2:15 pm Post subject:

Littlemiss12 · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:06 pm Post subject:

BinFL · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:20 pm Post subject:

k9trainingbiz · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:29 pm Post subject:

Interestingly, I just heard on the news today a new study concluded that couple who marry and did live together first are actually TWICE as likely to divorce. I knew it was higher, but I didn't know it was that much!

niki22 · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:38 pm Post subject:

Yeah I've heard this too, but why? The only reason I can come up with is couples live together, see that it's not working out, yet get married anyway.

I just can't see why else living together makes your "chances for divorce" so much higher.

k9trainingbiz · Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:06 pm Post subject:

Well, I'm certainly no Phd in this matter!

My hunch is that you are right about that. So many couples having a bad time think if they get married, things will change (the women think this usually), and they don't. Stats also show after they get married, the problems become much worse. Probably because now they feel trapped (usually the men). I also believe that the men who finally give in to her wish to be married when it isn't something that was all important to him, resent her. Maybe it's because they take a more laid back view of sharing a life with someone they love. It's usually more of a convenience than a commitment, IMO. (I've been there, too, I'm not being snotty).

My personal feeling about it is that if he was really really seriously in love with the girl, he would at least be engaged to her. If it's "just a piece of paper", then what's the big deal about signing it? If you know, it's not that hard. That just says to me she's good enough to help around the house, sleep with and hang out with, but not serious lifetime material and it's an easy out.

Stifter · Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 10:49 am Post subject:

Come on girls, neither of you know the guy so I don't believe the doomsday scenarios are reasonable.

I'm probably a hopeless romantic who dreams about marrying my fantastic GF - and will do so the second we find a way to match my work with her university education - but I also have lots of friends whose love are just as deep but do not share my dreams about marriage.

I just don't think that make them lesser souls worthy of public chastis'ing!

Btw, we've been invited to a wedding at the end of August. These two fantastic people have been in love since 7th grade about 15 years ago, and I think they've had a fantastic unmarried life so far!

k9trainingbiz · Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2005 12:40 pm Post subject:

If a couple chooses not to get married, and it's a mutual choice, then that's great! But the person who started this thread was talking about SHE wants to marry and he doesn't/won't. That is a totally different scenario than what you're talking about. We are also talking about people who live together just like married couples, but the guy won't commit; doesn't have an interest in getting married. We don't have to "know" the guy personally; if we did, no one could ever comment on these threads!!!! It's a discussion. No one is getting "publicily chastized" here.

leoktty · Hello. I am New! Talk to Me Joined: 06 Sep 2005 Posts: 1

Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 yrs now. He has said about 2 times now that he owes me his first born, meaning how strongly he loves me, I'm guessing. That and he wants to have a baby with me someday. We have talked about marriage and I get mixed feelings about it. I have talked about what if we only get engaged that that wasnt a bad thing, just because we were engged douse not mean we have to get married anytime soon just a step up in our relationship. He told me soon, and that was over a year ago. I feel impatient and that If he coul just propose that I would feel loved more. That are relationship would no longer mean boyfriend/girlfriend when we act as a married couple. I clean and cook and he has been supporting me through jobs. We love each other I know, but I also know he will not propose because he believes a marriage should follow shortly after. And that we do not have money. I said money should not matter about real love he could just give me a toy ring to propose and I would be happy. I'm very depressed about the whole situation an have became impatient. How much longer can I wait? am I crazy fr wanting to just be engaged until we have the money to marry?

Pia · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 4:40 pm Post subject:

Some people don't like along engagement. You both already talked about getting married. I would not be too worried if I were you.

k9trainingbiz · Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2005 8:07 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry to break it to ya, but he doesn't want to marry you. He has a wife already, why would he want strings? (other than the one he uses to keep you) He gets a maid, a cook and a lay. what could be better?

That's what happens when you move in and play house with no commitment. Living together is not a commitment.

How long should you wait? Do you have eternity?