why do people lie?

[Jasmine79]

Frikkin uni friend lied to me today and said she got a promotion but someone else said she hasn't got one yet. and then she says she applies for a job with a car and she is applying for another one today.

What do you do about people that obviously are jealous of you that they have to do everything to compete with you and make you feel as though they are trying to do better or be better than you. It's S***!

[Polgara69]

Feel sorry for them! There is nothing you can do about their jealousy and they obviously feel that something is missing and by pretending they are better than you makes them feel good. There is no harm unless you let it. They are the ones that will come unstuck one day and look stupid. My Dad always said to be a good liar you need a good memory, and most peoples are not that good!

[Jasmine79]

Feel sorry for them! There is nothing you can do about their jealousy and they obviously feel that something is missing and by pretending they are better than you makes them feel good. There is no harm unless you let it. They are the ones that will come unstuck one day and look stupid. My Dad always said to be a good liar you need a good memory, and most peoples are not that good!

Thanks Polgara... I agree. I feel sorry for them. We must inspire them

[cosmicB]

There are several options in dealing with liars, and none of them ever work... It seems once a liar, always a liar... You decide from this pile of mishmash data...

I believe that persistent-lying indicates a very low self-esteem... It originates from within their early childhood.. in trying to be heard, and never being heard.. always treated like chunk of crap.. never treated like a person in the family, nor anywhere... and eventually they accept that they are nothing...

Lying is a dangerous mental disorder... Essentially they are trying to compete with you, in respect of you... They never had a roll-model... All they ever got was put down and hurt... And you come along, and are, and show them what they so desperately want to be... They just want to be like you,in any and every way, and they will copy you in every way, trying to please you, even to the point it can lose you your job.. and/or till it makes so angry and sick of them, that you want to kill them or something... Maybe you could pay their enrollment in a self esteem course, as a gift, secretly or on-board... That is probably your best option to get them off your back...

There is a chance that, once they've done a little growing-up, they might even turn out to be your best and most trusted friend... so maybe you could see it in yourself to open the door just a little bit, and give them a tiny chance.. like let them go for coffee with you, or "kiss your feet"... or buy a shirt you like, and buy a second, and just say to them when you hand it to them, "I got two for the price of one, and I really don't want two, you can have this one if you wish... Then watch how they react, and what they do... but this option could be a little iffy and dangerous.. because it might go all wrong, and make you wish you never did it... It's a dangerous game, playing with the partially lightly insane... You decide if that person could be worth being a friend or not, once fixed... It's complicated in the least... I would just leave it alone, and avoid them... If you are avoiding them, then don't let them pull you into any deep or meaningful conversations.. Just gently push them away from you by ignoring them.. but with the insane that's dangerous too... If you really do want to do something about it all, then read about in textbooks, and ask experts about it... They'll probably say the same things...

When compulsive liars grow old, many of those liars totally lose the ability to discern truth from lies, and they are the ones who generally develop serious memory-loss disorders...

If you can't get away from it, and don't want any part of it, then just live and let live.. and try to be pleasant, but not overly nice, and just live with it, like you must live with: mosquito's, paying-rent, snow-falls, gas-prices, petty-thieves, occasional bullies, and such... I can thank the heavens that I don't have any of those dam liars near my life these days.. but the last one just got me fired a week ago... Be careful to not give them any personal data... They'll twist it, and use it against you in their lies about you... Just stay away from them...


The ultimate liar incident I know of happened to President Nixon at a press conference... Someone made a statement about WW2, and Nixon replied confidentially, "I Know WW2, I was In It!".. and the reporter solemnly corrected him by saying, "Sir.. that was only a movie that you acted in."... And that was the end of Nixon's career in politics... Then he had to forget that Tremendous embarrassment, and he developed Alzheimer's to shut that horrid debilitating memory out of his mind... I suspect that Alzheimer's is the liar's disease...

The next liar that lies to me.. I'm gonna tell them straight to their face, "Lying is a symptom of early Alzheimer's"... Maybe that'll get them off my back..?

Maybe you could buy a book on "lying and truth", if there is one, and just leave it near that person's stuff anonymously...

[cosmicB]

I'm gonna buy one of those electronic fart machines.. and when someone is lying to me, I'll just press the button to give them the loud meaningful sound that they do so much deserve for showing me that they don't even value our "friendship" enough to be honest with me...

[it'sme]

What I want to know is...

Why do people lie, and then when you find them out and you present the evidence to their face, they continue to insist they weren't lying? I know they lied, they know they lied, I know they know they lied, they know I know they know they lied, but innocent bystanders are completely confused and don't know who to believe!

Eventually it's like they boy who cried wolf, not only do you no longer believe them but when they finally do tell the truth you instantly believe the opposite.

My brain hurts now.

[cosmicB]

If you've presented evidence they've lied, you've backed them into a corner.. and now they must fight their way out... It becomes an almost a survival thing in their instincts...

If a bear backs a small rodent into a corner it will fight with all its got to the death...

Back a people into a corner, and you've got a serious battle on your hands... Not a wise thing to do...
In that case I'd just say something like, "Bull!", or "Oh Pew!", or "thht!", and walk away...

or say, "Santa's Watching",

or, "If your poppa was here now, I bet you would have a sore red-bottom, and soap bubbles coming from your mouth for that one... What's this?.. I hears him approaching now.. Quick! I'll go get the soap. You run and hide! and I wont tell him about your secret place out behind the trash-bins."...

or, "I bet you would have gotten the Belt for that one."

or, "How can you believe that, given the source?"...

or, "And you really believe it too.. WoW!.."

or, Grin, say in disbelief, "Absolutely Amazing, simply amazing?", and silently walk away...



Expect everything they say is going to be a lie... But back them in a corner, and they'll try to pull you into it too... Just don't let them "get a rise out of you".. just smile, say nothing, and walk on by.. and should they try even harder to pull you into their game, then that's all it is.. games... Then it's just meant to piss you off and hurt your feelings... Maybe you are dealing with a seasoned bully who has you in their sites..? it happens... In all cases just avoid the scene.. and pick your friends and acquaintances better...

Know if what they are saying is just to lure you into a silly game... and don't get lured...

If that person is out to get you, your best option is to ignore the words that come from them... Don't react to the goofy stuff they say...
Maybe you are just a little too sensitive and high-strung, and just maybe they are toying with you, just because it's easy to upset you...
Maybe they think what you say is all lies...

Take note of how they treat others like you, and those not like you... Just watch from a distance... And never let them pull you into the game again... Be upright, polite, honest, pleasant, and concise.. and just go about your affairs...

[cosmicB]

I should add: If it's lies, it ain't worth listening to... It's just noise...

[Just Jill]

Some people lie to make themselves appear more interesting to others....not me of course..i'm already interesting.

[it'sme]

CosmicB- I didn't mean taking the confrontation to that extreme, I meant along the lines of a friend who would say really random things like "I'm really good at maths" when you know he's not. Most of the time it wasn't worth bothering about and I normally kept my mouth shut (except when he was trying to make me out to be the liar- I have my reputation to think about, and it was important to me that the audience got both sides to the story), but then there was an instance when it was his word against someone close to me. I believed my loved one and I later found out it was the wrong choice.

[cosmicB]

CosmicB- I didn't mean taking the confrontation to that extreme, I meant along the lines of a friend who would say really random things like "I'm really good at maths" when you know he's not. Most of the time it wasn't worth bothering about and I normally kept my mouth shut (except when he was trying to make me out to be the liar- I have my reputation to think about, and it was important to me that the audience got both sides to the story), but then there was an instance when it was his word against someone close to me. I believed my loved one and I later found out it was the wrong choice.

Without any clear background data on the situation I have to see it every way I can... You pick the bits that fit and work for you... I enjoy looking at things in the extreme... I apologize if I took things too far for you.. but I had some fun doing it.. and you probably learned some new things too.. I did...

If that's all it is, is math, then you are being way way to critical... If that person wants to be good at math, then his first option might be to believe he is good at math, and even brag that he is good at math.. and that might push him to trying to be good at math... Or maybe, he is better at math than those he knows are... You are just being way too sensitive... Give the guy a break...

My youngest brother was real bad at math.. so bad he couldn't even spell forty and four on checks... He was so embarrassed about it all that he couldn't even talk about it... One day he dropped by on his chopper motorcycle, after a vacation in Hawaii, and confronted me about it.. telling me that he was considering going back to school... I offered him my apartment in Vancouver, and went on a trip for several months all around North America... When I returned he was finishing up the first part of his new school, and he got to be ten times better in math than I am.. and got his own place, and a sweetheart young girlfriend who had lots of uptown groupies following her around every where she went, and he studied studied studied, and she helped him... Math got to be one of his favorite topics... Then he was first mate on boats, and a cook on ocean tugs, and a captain on crazy rich people's yachts... Now he's a super sailor, one who pilots the oil multi-national tankers into the harbor at a $200 per hour wage...

If your Bo likes math, and says he's good at math, and you know math, and know he's not good at math.. then it's your job to get some math books, and help your man become good at math... That what friends do for friends...

[tulipgarden]

I have a friend who was told her son had been scouted by a football club to join their Advance Training Centre. But I think it was a lie. Too many discrepancies in the story from the person who is a board member of a mini soccer club.

Im upset because I told her that I thought it was a lie for a number of reasons.... the biggest being my son had left the mini soccer club and they were worried that a number of team mates may leave. There was talk that another team mate was going to leave. I said that they only needed to spin a yarn until the end of the transfer window and then they would not be able to leave even if they found out it not to be true. Initially they were told that the scout was going to speak to the club secretary to get permission....and they would be in touch.

The person that told the alledged lie then told them that the scout was coming back to have another look but would not say when, inorder for them not to prepare for the event. They also dropped a name.... which set alarm bells, as I believe I know the person this person mentioned because a week earlier that person had probed me about events around my son being selected for this club. Yes by the person he had mentioned but he was not scouted. It happened accidently through another avenue.
This person was not a scout to my knowledge. Although part of the club.

My friend had described the person that they thought was the scout and was talking to the person I think is lying. The description was definately not him. I emailed my contact and asked for some advise about the process of scouting kids in mini-soccer and what the process is. IE would they need permission to join their ATC etc.

I told my friend my suspicions. He was upset that someone would do something like that. But then said I should stay out of it and if things should be they will be. I feel really bad after weeks of toilling over this issue. I felt bad not saying anything, but feel even worse now.

My intention was not to hurt her. Or even get her to into a rowe. Just to open her eyes to the fact that....all that glistens is not golden. She is an honest person and I didnt want this person to use her like they tried to with us.

My personal opinion of this person is that they name drop and collect people but the lies seem to be real big whoppers that nobody dare expect it to be a lie. I am a naturally suspicious person... and maybe im wrong this time...... but my gutt instinct tell me im right.

I dont know how to make this situation better. All its done is make me look like an idiot. And it may get a whole lot worse if my contact start asking about this person who lied.

God - I wish I kept my big mouth shut!

[Whisper]

I think the root of it is insecurity.

I know so many peole who lie! And when I meet new people they usually turn out to be liers, too. The only things I lie to people about are things that are none of their business in the first place.
So many people lie that I've had the idea 'If you can't eat them, join them!' But it just isn't me to lie all the time. I once had a 'friend' who told the most outrageous lies. Things I could easily find out weren't true - and did. And everyone knew what a lier she was.
I saw her a few years ago and she told me that (a guy who we both had a thing for at one time and was in town) was now her boyfriend. Well, he'd been at my house the night before and I thought of saying, "You should keep him on a shorter leash then, he was with ME last night.!" But as usual I let her get by with it. I suppose I feel it's a sort of a 'disorder' with her, so I've always let her get away with it.

It's thieves I can't stand the most.

[cosmicB]

Does "insecurity" equal "distrust of the system"..?

[willa]

Lie back and maybe she'll get the hint