To Young To Go On Holiday

[Joanne]

My daughter is 15 and has been going out with her boyfriend for about 10 months as far as I know they are not sleeping together, but as with all parents are not really sure what goes on behind closed doors. anyway she has told me that he has asked her to go away on holiday with him for a week in August, in September she will be 16 I have told her she is to young but she has told me shes going, is there anything I can do to stop her that doesnt make her hate me

[Fatlisa]

Why don't you want her to go?

She isn't really too young at 16.
I was always told that if you trust your kids and give them some responsibility then they will repay you by showing you that they can be an adult and be trustworthy and responsible.

If you are worried about what she might do with him (sex) then just cos they are on holiday is it really going to make a difference if they want to have sex then, holiday or no holiday they will still find the time and place to do it.

[wurze]

Sorry Fatlisa, you make a lot of sense most of the time but this time I think that you are wrong.

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything Joanne can do to stop her daughter temporarily 'hating' her, but that shouldn't stop her from not allowing her to go.

If I've read it correctly, by August she will still only be 15. At that age, I can't imagine any reputable holiday company allowing her to go, but I suppose it depends on where they were planning to go. I would by quite horrified at the thought of my 16 year old daughter, wondering around the bars and clubs of Ibiza or Falaraki!

We should trust our children and give them some responsibility, but the parents must be the judge of how much and when. Not too much to soon, some children are less mature than others.

I've always tried to give my children responsibility in the hope that they would show me how adult and mature they were, unfortunately with one exception they have all they managed to prove was that they were not as mature as they thought they were.

Joanne how mature a person is your daughter? Judging by her schoolgirl response to your concerns, not very!

On the sex issue I don’t know how old her boyfriend is but she's 15, therefore it's illegal! I take your point that if they want to they will, but it would be a very irresponsible parent that sanctions underage sex.

[Fatlisa]

I agree with that, if she is still under 16 then no she shouldn't go.

It doesn't state that they are going to go on holiday to somewhere like ibiza, they could just want to go to a nice holiday somewhere in this country you never know. That is what i did at the age couldn't afford to go abroad so just went to Butlins and places like that.

My Mum was married at 16 and is still married to the same person that is why i believe when someone has reached 16, they should be allowed to have some responsibility and be trusted to go on holidays.

But at 15 she shouldn't go, tell her she has to wait till she is 16 then she can go on holidya.

[Ang]

Lisa Don't you thinks its a little young to be going away anywhere no matter where in the world it is?

[Fatlisa]

Not if she is 16. But yes too young if she is only 15.

[Tracey]

[Harry]

Joanne, you are right to be concerned. You are being a good mum, adult and parent. Most children dislike limits but you have the responsibility to set them for them. You have the responsibility to supervise and protect and that's what I hear you doing.

That someones mum got married at 16 is neither here nor there. Your child is still a child. The boy could be jailed for rape if anything happenned. If your daughter was as mature as she thinks she is, she would be wanting to accept her share of responsibility including keeping her boyfriend safe from suspicion or sanction.

Perhaps you might ask her to think of him and his standing and whether she cares enough for him, for you and for herself to wait and leave this holiday idea till a better time. her answer will tell you something of her maturity.

[Fatlisa]

My point about marriage at 16 was that at 16 her daughter could be married, not just going on holiday. Anyways as i have said like two times, 15 is too young.

[TigerTony]

[KelB]

Well I am 17, I recently asked my mum if I could go away? ( I did actually ask if I could at 16) and both times she has said no!

The 1st time I was going with a friend who was 15 and going to stay with her sister's in Spian, this friend had a reputation as being a bit easy and she was pregnant at 14. My mum said no because

A) she thought 16 was too young to go abroad on my own
B) She said being alone with her and her sisters I may not be able to avoid temptaion.
C) I maybe a reputation because of who I was with.
D) I am diabetic and have problems controling it!
My mum said she did not like this girl and I was not going, funnily enough I didn't go and me and this girl no longer speak due to her saying and doing things to me that caused alot of trouble and pain ( I hate to admit it but mum's do know best you know lol)

The second time I asked to go away with my current boyfriend of almost 9 months to Spain. She again said no, she said she has seen the places on the TV that I was going to be going to and didn't want her 17 year old going to places like that! She said that once I am 18 there is nothing she can do. But while I am still 17 she has every right to stop me going places.

I have to say as much as I thought she was being stupid and over reacting I can see her point she as a mother is going to be worried about her daughter going to a forigen country all alone. I guess after carrying me for 9 months, giving birth to me and looking after me so fantasticly for 17 years.... she has every right to say no if she fears fro my safety!

I think maybe talking to your daughter and letting her know you are just concerned for her safety and want her to be ok may help? This maybe a long shot but maybe you could take her guy on holiday with you? If he is happy to pay for his won holiday anyway maybe he could go with you that way they holiday together, but you can still see that she is safe? I don't know? Just thought it might work?

[Harry]

What a sensible girl you are KelB and with a caring mum too.

We haven't seen you in the tree yet. Has your mum told you you can't go there? We will make sure you are 'safe' until your birthday, Promise

[KelB]

[chocolate chip]

I am not against what everyone has had to say, in Joanne's situation I think it would be inappropriate and too early for your daughter to go on holiday with her boyfriend ALONE. My opinion is that the decision of whether you will allow your child to go on holiday when s/he is 15 years old or above shouldn't solely rest on an issue of age. This (in some cases) can be an acceptable age to travel alone or with peers (depending on the circurmstances of the holiday). It should be both the type of holiday as well as the age of the child that bare influence on any decision you may reach.

Now dealing with the matter at hand - Joanne. I think for the circumstance (that being going on holiday with her boyfriend) your daughter is too young.
I would say if you have any doubts at all about what your daughter may get up to then don't allow her to go. They will obviously share a bed and no doubt you wouldn't approve of this in your household with you there (as she's only 15), so why should you approve of it elsewhere when you're not there?

If you feel that when she becomes sixteen that will be an okay age (though I'm not too sure myself - it depends), then perhaps suggest to her that they go away in the Easter. Personally I think 17 is a more suitable age to allow your child to pack up for a holiday with their b/f or g/f.

If her boyfriend's parents were to accompany them as well then the situation would be fine.

My mother dearest (not a bad mother at all, may I add) allowed me to go on holiday when I was 15. I went to Berlin for a week with a group of 15 teenagers and returned the day before my first GCSE exam. I didn't get up to too much trouble! The first night there I wanted to explore the city as it was so beautiful... totally forgot that trains don't run all night and realised that myself and one of the girls that had gone were still out past 1am. We got pulled over by police jabbering on in German. They finally spoke English and told us that children under 18 were not allowed to be out at that time without an adult! We told them that we were staying nearby, but truly our place was probably 7 train stations away. We also got entagled in the May Day riots as our hostel was a stone throw away from where the protests take place. We met lots of quirky people, saw lots of strange things.... but that's what make life worth living. Don't rob your child of experiences. If you know that aside from a little wildness your child will mostly behave in a respectable manner when away from home - then give him/her the opportunity to have fun. Condoms were thrown at me on the train ride there.... I was offered sex and drugs. I declined both. My mother let me go because she knew I wouldn't do anything worrying, I'd just have fun!

Ahhh... memories.

Choc Chip

P.S. Don't let her go alone with her boyfriend

[Sophieluvselijah678]

I am 15 myself, and if I wanted to go away, I would ask my mom she wud most likely say no, because most moms would worry no matter where she is going. I admit if i had a bf i wud b over the moon and wud really want to go on holiday with them, and i mite b a bit angry at her, but i wud end up saying sorry 2 her and she wud say sorry 2 me 4 not letting me go, but she wud get over it she can still spend time with her boyfriend. good luck.