argh, this is getting annoying

[Anita77]

ok, i got a lot of steam/anger/emotions in me and ive been holding it for a long time and its been building up and up and i need to let it out...anyways(note:its a random mixture of rants between the net and real life)

this is getting annoying, i mean geez, this is getting to the point where its just making me sick.
i cant seem to appeal to anyone here, i mean what the F***. i would understand if its a guy pretending to be a girl.
but as for me, i may have a male body, but i have a mind of a female.
and as such, i have a strong desire to be accepted as a female. even going to the lengths to change my body completely.
and its fucken hard and annoying for me when i have to admit that i am not exactly a girl, and end up not getting any or ignored...
why dont you just fecking tell me that my excistance is a crime
i feel alienated here just for who i am =(
do you know how bad it feels to have been born with the wrong body?
to be alienated just by who you are?
to have society tell you what you are when you know damn well who you are?
to have everyone tell you to shut up about who you are, and that its best to live in a caged life?
to have families tell you that you should just give up?
why should i accept that its ok to suffer in silence and that im ok when i know damn well that im not...
why should i have to learn that failing to suicide is a mistake...
why should i have to accept what society says...
why should i have to let society decide what makes me happy...
i know that few of you(if any) may have accepted me as a female, but lately ive been feeling that no one really does or that no one really can... =\

[somefun]

I'm not challenging your stance on your gender identity but could you tell me what it is that make you feel that you are a female, on the inside?

[Winky89]

Not sure who you're referring to when you say you have been ignored, I have no problem with your status...

I know you sent me a message but then I did send one back, never once ignored you.

Feel better x

Danielle

[LeRoc]

Yea chill out! This forum seems so friendly and you are obviously very angry! I don't think anyone is judging you at all, I would hope everyone felt welcome and able to post their opinions regardless of gender/sex/orientation/body etc etc. Incidently though there may be other forums specifically related to MtF's where people might be able to relate better to you and understand how you are feeling.

Since this is a 'pink' thread can I assume from that that you are attracted to women? and therefore would identify as a lesbian? or or er.... see perhaps I just need educating!

[Anita77]

I'm not challenging your stance on your gender identity but could you tell me what it is that make you feel that you are a female, on the inside?

well, its a deep feeling ive had for a long time, when i was young and everytime that i would imagin myself as a female i would get this wonderful feeling and later on i learned that i truly am female on the inside, but i felt sad that i cant live as one, and then later on i learned that it is possible that i can live life as a female which made me feel wonderful, although being young an all at that time when i first discovered that i am female i was taught that this sort of thing was wrong, and i tried to deny myself of who i am, but as you can see, i couldnt no longer deny who i am.

as for leroc...
yeah, i do consider myself as a lesbian.
and youre right i do need to chill out, i just needed to let out a lot of steam that ive been holding in since forever ago

[kelaydee]

I dont like to judge people because I have been judged and I know the feeling, and I know what it is like to have people think things of you.
My philosiphy in life is to say F*** them! I dont care what people think of me anymore I live my life the way I want to and it should be the same for everyone else, those without sin cast the first stone and all that! I have a good circle of friends who i know will never judge me and thats good enough for me. Surely you have friends that accept you for who you are thats all you need! Dont let what people think get you down no one is perfect they all have something they wouldnt want you or anyone else to know!

I will be the first to apolygise that Im a little ignorant as I dont really know much about MtF's which is probabaly just as frustrating I hope you overcome the haters and live your life the way you want to!

[Anita77]

I will be the first to apolygise that Im a little ignorant as I dont really know much about MtF's which is probabaly just as frustrating I hope you overcome the haters and live your life the way you want to!

well, dont apoligize, its ok not to know much about it cause it is normally ignored by most education system, especially sex ed, it is mostly self taught.
so i can understand not knowing much about it, as long as you are willing to consider me a female, thats all that matters.
anyways, it sucks to be MtF transexual, heck even FtM transexuals has a hard time.
it is accepted in very few areas in america...and i mean few, my family is totally against the idea of it (except for my cousins and aunt and uncle, they believe in me), oddly tho...if i was attracted to males they would be more understanding.
recently i found out why my mother was totaly against it. its cause it isnt acceptable by the general public, and she also has been discouraging me to protect me from them. she is also against it cause i have a strong feminine side and yet i am not attracted to guys nor do i worry about whats in fashion and whats not, i wear what i want to wear and not let anyone or anything dictate what i want to wear, that is appearantly a problem with my mothers acceptance cause it is not normal in society.
i can go on and on about my family's ignorance so ill stop there and continue at a later time

i've seen some videos about how generaly americans feel about transexuals on youtube.com, its about a government official who was loved by everyone, and she(shes a MtF trans) was doing an excellent job with her position. anyways, heres the links
http://youtube.com/watch?v=iCMENIhzNuA <-- her gettin fired
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tD8mqTBZg-4 <-- an open minded american opinion about it, may appear to be mean but its nice opinion video

[Winky89]

Please dont get angry at this comment Im about to make but you sound just like a friend I have. She is 6"3 and so turns a few heads because of her height. However, if something goes wrong with her, she assumes it is because of her height, such as if she gets glared at etc. She has an email address with tall girl incorporated into it and it seems that it is all she thinks about all day every day instead of realising that there are other things people like about her such as her sense of humour and her dress sense.

What Im saying is (and sorry if Im wrong about this or you dont agree) that perhaps if you projected your personality rather than your transexuality (again, sorry if this is the wrong term for your situation) then people would accept you for you.

Just a thought

[kelaydee]

I had no idea that that had happened in America? Those videos were really interesting, Im all for people living their lives the way they want to, at the end of the day your not breaking any laws and your not harming anyone and so why shouldn't you be able to do whatever makes you happy!
Im not from America and I like to think that people in Britain are a lot more open minded, but I know this isnt always true, I find a lot of the time people cant accept something they dont understand or something that scares them, its a sad fact of life but I admire anyone who walks in the opposite direction, against the flow, and holds their head up high and says I dont give a F*** shows they have a lot more character than the wimps that follow the majority and judge!

I understand the frustrations with your family also if it was me id expect my family to accept me for whatever I want to be but its not always that easy, you have to be you you cant live your life the way otehrs want you to.

I accept you as a woman hell why not, everyne has a right to be whoever they want to be. Just because you dont have all the same bits doesnt mean your not a woman. Like I said before I hope you overcome those haters!

[stickyhoney]

I admire anyone who walks in the opposite direction, against the flow, and holds their head up high and says I dont give a F*** shows they have a lot more character than the wimps that follow the majority and judge!

I agree with Kelaydee, one thing I'm often heard to say is that I don't run with the flock, because that's just for sheep!! Stop worrying about what people think darling, why would you want to be accepted by people who conform to narrowminded sterotypes? You've made a massive personal/lifestyle choice, so go out and actively surround yourself with people who love and admire you for that, it's the only way to be happy!
Women ARE great and personally I'm flattered that you wanted to join our club!!
x

[Anita77]

well, this is random, last night got a talk from my other cousin about this subject.
few notes about this talk we had that night.
this is what she said to me that night and isnt my opinions
estrogen=womans chemistry
testrone=mans chemistry

she says she strongly believes i am a guy who doesnt know how to be one.
and she told me that ill be very happy once i know how to be one.
and that i need to learn how to take a woman and basically dominate her and please her to make her mine. cause thats what woman like and want.
i told her that i strongly feel that i am a woman.
she then asked me why...i told her that its a very deep feeling ive had for years and wish to live life as who i am.
she then asked me if i like girls, of course i told her yeah i do like girls.
then she went on that thats a definate sign that i am for sure a guy.
cause girls are attracted to guys, cause its the mens testerone that completes the womans estrogen. thus they can have a lasting relationship.
woman who arent attracted to guys cannot have a lasting relationship. cause a womans estrogen cannot complete another womans estrogen. thus they cannot have a lasting relationship.
she then told me that once i learn how to be a guy and find a woman ill be soo much happier. cause i will know how to be a guy and have a woman to take. due to the fact its a guys role to dominate woman and thats who i am. i need to bring out the beast in me and show a woman i can please her like no one else can. thus making her mine.

reminder, this is what she told me that night, this isnt my opinion at all

[kelaydee]

I think you know yourself how you feel about that, I dont know how estrogen and testosterone make you fall in love with a person even be attracted to a person and I dont believe its all chemicals!!
I have fancied Men and Women so what does that mean? I can get really turned on by a hot woman or a hot guy. I dont think it has anything to do with the levels of testosterone/estrogen in your body!!
anyway dont women have both testosterone and estrogen in their body? im sure I heard that or vice vera for a guy? kinda disproves the theory!

Well anyway you know how you feel you cant feel the way someone else wants you to feel!! Im sure you could please a woman without unleashing this 'beast' your cousin talked about?

Just be you hun,

[Liya]

Anita Hun,
You are beautiful the way you are. Don't let anyone else tell you different. By the way you rant just like a women, so in my opinion you are a WOMEN.

I know it's hard but try to keep your spirits, you will get through this.

Blessed be!

[Anita77]

yeah, it is very hard cause most my hometown is close minded.
especially the way they say that its a mans job to dominate woman...
that its their job to take woman and penetrate them like animals
i am digusted by the whole 'beast' idea. it sounds nasty to me.
my cousin may love the idea of it, but i hate it.
i may be attracted to woman, but that shouldnt automatically mean im a guy.
there are such things as lesbians, and im proud to be one.

its annoying to have my family say they know who i am cause its normal to them, i mean they base their judgement based on the fact i have a penis and im attracted to woman. it disgusted me the fact they would be more supportive if i was attracted to guys cause "gay guys have a feminine side"
i mean wtf, why does it matter who i am attracted to, i am who i am. and i refuse to let anybody tell me who i am cause they are not me and they dont know exactly how i feel. my mother may have raised me to be with society, but i refuse to let them decide what makes me happy.
i decide for myself what makes me happy, whats right and wrong(as long im not intentionally hurting someone)
i dont like the idea of someone telling me what makes me happy when clearly im not comfortable with it.
ive always told myself(learned it myself too) "theres nothing wrong in making someone feel special"

[kelaydee]

Hey Anita a story i read yesterday, I found it really interesting.

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/story_pages/news/news5.shtml