advice needed

[Confusedgal05]

I was looking around the web the other day for some information on compulsive liars and I found this. This is a wonderful forum and that is why I decided to write about my story and see what others may have for advice.

When I met my ex boyfriend he was truly a dream come true. Everything was perfect, the way we met, the feelings and how much we truly cared about one another. I never imagined that I would be where I am right now. I recently broke up with him when I suddenly got sick of the BS and lies. I know recognize he is a compulsive liar. He is pretty bad but from reading about some of the examples people had he didnt lie about everything. When I confronted him, he told me the reason why he lied was because he felt like he needed to meet an expectation of mine. It made me feel guilty, but then I looked at it and realized I never made him feel that way he felt that way on his own. I also have recently learned he has been like this his whole life. He has spent many many years in counseling but has not gone since we were together (2 years). When he was young his father wasnt around much after his mother passed away. His dad remarried and had his new wife fill the mother role but she alwasy favored his brother and treated him like dirt. From this detail of his early life, I think this has made an impact on who he is today.
So here is when I realized he lied alot. THere was always BS going on which I thought hey hes a joker, cause I would call him on something and he would be like just kidding. In the beginning he told me when he turned a certain age he would receive an inheritance from his mother. THat is how he planned on straightening out his life he said, cause he struggles alot from job to job. Also he went to college, but said he couldnt afford to finish. Anyways, I recently found out, there is no inheritance, he lied to me all along and he didnt even tell me it wasnt true after we broke up, he kept mentioning the inheritance. I family member of his told me the truth and said there was nothing there and that he has had problems lying his entire life. This is where I am stumped on what to do. I love him so very much and I know deep down there is a wonderful person underneath the lies. I am supportive of him and he tells me he is going to get help, and I hope he does. My mom says he will never change. I think he will if he works at it. But quite frankly, I do not know the statistics and if someone life this can truly change? Im desperate for advice, my days and nights are miserable and long without him, but at the same time I cant be with him with the lies. The lies ruined my fairytale. I keep thinking how unfortunate he is to lose out on someone who truly loves him.

[tug mcgraw can believe.]

joke: why do they bury lawyers 50' under instead of 6'?
answer: because deep down, they're really good people.


my sister has had a string of mr wonderfuls who have turned out to be mr wrong. its like she magnatizes them. its sad and painful to watch. her new current ex was a boyfriend from high school 25 years earlier. they "met again" on match.com. she posted her info and about an hour later lucky louie shows up like magic. my brothers, father and i hated him then and were very skeptical about his new improved self. but, she was in love and after a short courtship where she was promised the sun, moon and stars, packed her bags and moved with her young son to another state. "he is in real estate and has his own business and is expanding to europe where we will likely live" . my sister openly wondered if she should work for a charity or just continually redecorate their fabulous home? i tried to suggest that maybe all that glitters shouldn't be counted 'til those chickens cross the road, and reminded her of how he bruised her repeatedly when she was "his girl" way back when, but she would hear none of it. long story short, the business was co-owned by his WIFE (we're seperated, says bozo), and the house they live in is rented. this last i found out when a month later it burned down and they got out by the skin of their teeth (all well, thankfully). then comes the borrowing, cheating, denying and more "gimme one more chance, i love you, blah-blah b.s.

so , one day she awakes from a revelatory dream at 3a.m. and decides she's tired of being someone's emotional punching bag. borrows money from mom to get her own place because she's cashed in everything to help our boy make their dreams come true. YEA for common sense.

she got a new apartment in THE SAME BUILDING as numbnuts and sees him almost daily as a matter of simple proximity. what i hear through the grapevine is that "they're working it out". makes me wonder what kind of awful karma she's paying off?

i am truly one who believes in the inner goodness of people but, unless you have an eye on beatification, sometimes you just gotta read the alphabets in the soup and bail. it's highly unlikely that he's going to change. you must take care of yourself first.